Weâre âpoker chipsâ: International Harvard students describe fear after Trump administration moves to revoke their enrollment
Acidly: Oh, the drama! International Harvard students are flailing in panic as Trump gears up to restrict their visas. A federal judge swoops in to pause the chaos, but most students remain dangling in uncertainty like puppets in a political circus. Poor Abdullah Shahid Sial from Pakistan is trying to calm the teen mess while contemplating transfer nightmares. Meanwhile, students from war-torn countries are at even greater risk, stuck in a limbo of legal angst. Bravo, Harvard! The Ivy League just became a reality show.
Ukraine and Russia Begin Largest Exchange of Prisoners of War
Acidly: In a touching act of futility, Russia and Ukraine exchanged 390 prisoners each, only to keep the cycle of suffering spinning. Ukraine celebrated, parading disheveled soldiers draped in flags, like returning war heroes. âMom, Iâm alive,â one cheery chap exclaimed, blissfully unaware of the nightmare still unfolding for the families of those who remain. Meanwhile, the world watches, as broken bodies emerge from a bureaucratic nightmare, both sides clinging to a twisted sense of dignity amidst the absurdity. Ah, warâwhat a charming charade.
Italy changes law on right to claim citizenship through great-grandparents
Acidly: In a dazzling display of government efficiency, Italy has snatched away the dreams of those chasing family ties. The new law, courtesy of Prime Minister Meloni's team, has sent great-grandchild hopefuls scrambling. After spending years and fortunes on documentation, they're told they can either endure a decade of residency or discover the charms of Italyâs Digital Nomad Visaâbecause who needs easy ancestry rights when you can jump through hoops? Sorry, Gina and Samantha: your heritage is now officially a budget item. Buona fortuna!
The Good Ol'Ads
Pacers-Knicks: Live updates, highlights from Game 2
Acidly: In a fit of absurdity, the Indiana Pacers pulled off a comeback in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals, turning the last minute into a chaotic circus act. Trailing 135-126, they managed to defy the laws of basketball by clawing back to win 138-135 against the Knicks. Apparently, they're now the comeback kings with a ridiculous third win after being down in the final momentsâhow charming. Watch out, Knicks; if history serves, you're about to be part of another tragic chapter in this playoff saga.
Billy Joel Announces Brain Disorder and Cancels All Concerts
Acidly: Billy Joel's concert tour is dead, all thanks to the charmingly named normal pressure hydrocephalusâa brain disorder that sounds like a budget band. Billy's facing hearing, vision, and balance issues that make him feel like he's had one too many margaritas. While eager fans can chase their refunds, Joel will be navigating life with a doctor-recommended therapy regime, reminding us that aging is just one bad diagnosis away from life as a medical drama. Bravo, Billy! Who knew rock 'n' roll would lead to this?
SpaceX cargo Dragon departs International Space Station, begins return journey to Earth
Acidly: In a thrilling twist of fate, SpaceX's 32nd Dragon cargo mission finally undocked from the ISS after a one-day rain delay. NASA's Jimmy Kim watched over this riveting event while sipping on space coffee. Dragon will splash down off Californiaâan exciting rendezvous set for May 25, which NASA will eagerly pretend to cover via their website, due to their aversion to streaming anything remotely interesting. Meanwhile, Dragon is hauling back useless junk and some poor robot. A real sci-fi spectacle, folks.
The Good Ol'Ads
Trump Live Updates: Apple and EU Tariffs, Harvard Lawsuit and More
Acidly: In a classic Trump move, the N.S.C. has been re-configured with a duo whoâll cater to the presidentâs whimsâlike a poor manâs executive wish list. Enter Andy Baker and Robert Gabriel, ensuring foreign policy comes straight from Trumpâs Twitter feed. Meanwhile, the once mighty national security apparatus is stripped down, likely due to Trumpâs famous trust issues. And donât worry about that looming library for his âgreat presidency,â just another way to wring cash from gullible supporters while the court-monitored chaos rolls on.
Everything unveiled at Google I/O 2025: Smart glasses, Gemini, Search, more
Acidly: ZDNET claims to be an unbiased review guru after hours of "research," scouring customer reviews like a scavenger. They assure us their recommendations arenât affected by those sweet, sweet affiliate commissions they earn when you click through. How noble! They follow "strict guidelines," which must be comforting for the advertisersâsorry, I mean consumersâwho believe they're getting the real scoop. Spoiler: in a world driven by money, trust is about as valuable as a paper towel in a rainstorm.
Measles cases reach 1,046 in US as infections confirmed in 30 states: CDC
Acidly: Measles is back, baby! The CDC reports a thrilling 1,046 cases across 30 states, as Americans absolutely refuse to vaccinate. Two children and one adult have died, but hey, who needs science when Google is a click away? The vaccine's effectiveness? 97%. The number of unvaccinated cases? A staggering 96%. Misinformation is the new truth, and as we all cuddle our ignorance, the measles virus is laughing its way across airports and concert venues. What a time to be alive!