7th person arrested for allegedly assisting escaped New Orleans inmates
Acidly: In a riveting chapter of “What Were They Thinking?” seven accomplices were arrested in New Orleans for helping ten inmates escape jail. The mastermind? Trevon Williams, strutting around in a black orthopedic boot like it’s the latest fashion. Despite his "I don't remember" act, he apparently had enough clarity to hand out climbing gear—just another Tuesday in Louisiana. Authorities are hunting the remaining escapees while locals wonder how a toilet became a getaway vehicle. Ah, the thrill of crime. What a spectacle!
Kyiv comes under large-scale Russian drone and missile attack with explosions heard across the city
Acidly: Kyiv really knows how to throw a welcome party—15 injured, a massive drone and missile blitz featuring 250 Shahed drones, and the booming soundtrack of explosions. It's like a twisted celebration post-prisoner swap: “Thanks for releasing our soldiers, let us shower you with projectiles!” Oblon's balcony-busting fireworks display should earn a medal for worst housewarming. What true cooperation! And while both sides play diplomatic charades, countless lives are left in the crossfire. Cheers to more chaos!
As it happened: Breakaway succeeds and GC shaken up on crash-marred stage 14 of the Giro d'Italia
Acidly: In a thrilling display of chaos and questionable decision-making at the Giro d'Italia, Kasper Asgreen defied expectations, triumphing amid a peloton more interested in crashing than winning. Stage 14 saw the stronghold of pink jersey holder Isaac del Toro expand his lead while rivals like Roglič and Bernal floundered in a sea of bad luck. Meanwhile, poor Ciccone limped home in despair, solidifying his 'not-so-great' day. Strap in, folks! Tomorrow’s alpine banquet promises more melodrama and misery.
The Good Ol'Ads
Thunder vs. Timberwolves odds, prediction, time: 2025 NBA Western Conference finals Game 3 picks via top model
Acidly: The 1-seed Oklahoma City Thunder are ready to trample the 6-seed Minnesota Timberwolves in Game 3 of the 2025 NBA Western Conference Finals. After serving Minnesota a nice 118-103 beatdown in Game 2, the Thunder swagger into Target Center, favored by 3 points because apparently, they’re generous. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander is playing like an MVP, and the Timberwolves bring a flashy scoring game that screams, “We’re just here for the paycheck!” Place your bets wisely, folks!
‘Un Simple Accident’ Wins Palme d’Or at Cannes Film Festival
Acidly: Ah, the Cannes Film Festival: where pretentiousness is celebrated, and directors shed tears like toddlers. Jafar Panahi snagged the Palme d'Or for “Un Simple Accident,” shot while he was supposed to be playing house arrest. That’s not suspicious at all. Meanwhile, Wagner Moura won Best Actor for running from a dictatorship—great, another “man on the run” story. And let’s not overlook John C. Reilly's birthday serenade, because nothing screams glamour like a guitarist at an elitist film fest. Bravo, everyone.
Possible sign of life in deep space faces new doubts
Acidly: In a cosmic whodunit, scientists initially thought they spotted life on K2-18b, 124 light-years away. Cue the applause! But now, a team from the University of Chicago has shredded that excitement, suggesting the “life-signaling” molecule could just as easily be a mundane gas like ethane—thanks for that pep talk! It turns out, interpreting data from faint planets is a lot like being a bad detective: "It might be dimethyl sulfide or, you know, literally anything else." Keep dreaming, stargazers!
The Good Ol'Ads
Trump Threatens 50% Tariff on E.U. and 25% Tariff on Apple
Acidly: Get ready for more circus-level chaos, folks! President Trump, fresh off his Middle Eastern escapades, is threatening Europe with a delightful 50% tariff, calling their trade practices "totally unacceptable." iPhones are next: a massive 25% tax on those shiny gadgets made outside the U.S. is looming, sending shares into a nosedive. Economists are shaking in their boots as businesses go “pencil down” in fear of unpredictable tariffs. Meanwhile, Trump’s negotiation skills make a toddler’s tantrum look diplomatic.
My Favorite Amazon Deal of the Day: The iPad Mini A17 Pro
Acidly: Surprise! Apple dropped the iPad mini 7, a device that’s as tiny as a toddler's tantrum. Priced at a whopping $399.99 after a "generous" $100 off, it's almost a steal, considering you’re still paying for the privilege of being part of the Apple cult. Sporting the A17 Pro chip—because clearly, your life needed that extra 30% speed—this little marvel now boasts flashy AI features. Forget creativity; just let AI summarize your texts for you. Who needs independent thought anyway? Enjoy your overpriced baby tablet!
Measles cases reach 1,046 in US as infections confirmed in 30 states: CDC
Acidly: Measles is back with a bang, racking up 1,046 cases across 30 states like an unwanted party guest. Most of these thrill-seeking individuals? Unvaccinated, of course—because who needs science when social media spreads misinformation faster than the virus? Three deaths, countless hospitalizations, and a Shakira concert turning into a viral petri dish—just another Tuesday in America. Cheers to a population too stubborn to roll up their sleeves. Enjoy the ‘disease buffet’! Vaccination? Nah, let’s live dangerously!