Department of Homeland Security lists Buncombe County as 'sanctuary jurisdiction'
Acidly: Ah, Buncombe County, the latest star of the “Sanctuary Jurisdiction” reality show! Homeland Security is wagging its finger, calling them “shameful” for not helping ICE play immigration cops. Sheriff Miller, with his noble stance, claims racial profiling isn’t cool—who knew enforcing a law based on probable cause was such a scandal? And let’s not forget the “consequences!” DHS is ready to pull federal funds like a spoilsport parent. Tune in next week to see if Buncombe complies or stirs the pot!
Hegseth warns China poses 'imminent' threat to Taiwan and urges Asia to boost defence
Acidly: In a bid to scare the daylights out of Asia, US Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth claimed China’s looming invasion of Taiwan is “imminent,” while simultaneously pleading for more defense bucks from allies. Cue China’s response: “Stop being the biggest troublemaker!” Meanwhile, Asian countries remain caught in this awkward tango, trying to juggle US demands and their own cozy ties with a not-so-friendly neighbor. As Hegseth whipped out the “deterrence” carrot, Asian nations just rolled their eyes, stuck between the superpowers' childish bickering.
$1 Million Homes in Italy
Acidly: In the "breathtaking" Castelli Romani, just 40 minutes from Rome, you can bag a 1600s farmhouse for a cool million. Because who doesn’t want to hem their life in with history and the occasional raccoon? The five-bedroom wonder actually boasts five baths—because one can never be too clean in a two-century-old relic. If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, try a modest 1-bedroom apartment for $1,119 per square foot, tucked in a golf club like a forgotten tee. Enjoy! Who needs modern conveniences anyway?
The Good Ol'Ads
3 best NBA player props, Knicks vs. Pacers odds for Game 6: Use Siakam and Bridges in 2025 NBA Playoff picks
Acidly: The New York Knicks managed to drag themselves out of the pit and escape elimination with a 111-94 win over the Pacers, forcing a Game 6. Bravo. The Pacers, boasting a 4-point edge, are eyeing a return to easy wins, especially with Siakam playing like he actually cares. If you’re betting, forget your morals — Siakam's rebounding prowess might be a decent idea. Meanwhile, Myles Turner, who seems to have lost his touch, might surprise us all and actually show up. Buckle up; mediocrity awaits.
Patti LuPone Apologizes for Interview Comments About Kecia Lewis, Audra McDonald: “I Am Devastated”
Acidly: Patti LuPone, the queen of unapologetic drama, is suddenly singing a different tune after insulting Kecia Lewis in a New Yorker piece. Who knew she could actually regret her mean-girl musings? Now, she’s scuttling to Instagram, sobbing about community and accountability as over 500 Broadway stars sign a letter calling her out for her diva-esque behavior. But hey, it’s all cool—she’s committed to “making things right.” Just remember, Patti, flippancy doesn’t translate well when the entire theatre world is side-eyeing you.
SpaceX launches latest GPS III satellite for U.S. military
Acidly: In another thrilling chapter of "SpaceX: We're Always Watching You," the Falcon 9 rocket launched a shiny new GPS satellite, proving once again that the military can’t do anything without a little Elon Musk magic. The GPS III SV-08 is now floating 12,550 miles up, ready to help you get lost while also confusing the aliens. Apparently, this glamorous piece of tech offers stellar anti-jamming — just in case you wanted to know where your dinner date is while dodging missile strikes. Because that’s what we really need: more accuracy in tracking your UberEats.
The Good Ol'Ads
FDA approves Moderna’s new lower-dose COVID-19 vaccine
Acidly: In a grand twist of limited genius, the U.S. has green-lit Moderna’s new COVID-19 vaccine, mNexspike, but only for select groups. Why give it to everyone when we can play vaccine roulette with 65+ folks and the additional “lucky” 12-64 crowd with co-morbidities? It's all about that low-dose life! Meanwhile, the FDA’s new restrictive approval reflects the lingering skepticism left behind by some Trump-era officials. So, grab the old Spikevax or the new kid on the block—good luck picking your poison!
Playdate Season 2 review: Fulcrum Defender, Dig! Dig! Dino! and Blippo+
Acidly: Hold onto your cranks, folks! Playdate’s Season Two cranks up the absurdity with two weekly games that could only be born from caffeine-fueled dreams. First up, **Fulcrum Defender**, where you fend off a horde while psyching yourself into believing ten minutes is a light jog, not an Olympic marathon. Then there's **Dig! Dig! Dino!**, where you dig for dino bones like a fun-obsessed anthropomorphic raccoon. And let's not forget **Blippo+**—a fever dream of low-res chaos that makes you question your life choices. Enjoy the madness!
Devastating blow in race for vaccine against deadly disease that affects millions
Acidly: In a plot twist worthy of a bad soap opera, the Trump administration has canceled a promising $258 million HIV vaccine research program, because apparently, saving lives just isn’t a priority anymore. Scientists at Duke and Scripps were left gasping, as their groundbreaking research on HIV's genetic code and even snakebite antivenom was tossed aside. Meanwhile, 1.2 million Americans with HIV collectively yawn. After all, who needs to invest in saving lives when you can just throw in the towel and redirect funds elsewhere? Bravo!