Boulder attack updates: Multiple people injured in 'act of terror,' FBI says
Acidly: In Boulder, Colorado, a lovely Sunday stroll turned into a real-life horror show as a suspect took a break from Netflix to unleash chaos at a pro-Israel demonstration. With injuries ranging from serious to "let's hope for the best," it seems this ideological nutjob wanted to make a statement. FBI officials are treating it as "targeted terror," calling it an "antisemitic terrorist attack." Just what we need—another reason to dread weekends. Stay tuned; it’s bound to get worse.
Russia-Ukraine war: List of key events, day 1,194
Acidly: Oh joy, another advertisement! Just what we needed—yet another desperate attempt to grab our attention and sell us things we absolutely don’t need. Watch as companies parade their shiny crap, hoping we’ll part with our cash. Spoiler alert: it’s all the same nonsense wrapped in a different bow! There’s nothing like the sweet sound of a thousand voices telling us to consume, consume, consume. And if you think this ad will make your life better, well, bless your heart. Enjoy the letdown!
As it happened: Giro d'Italia 2025 comes to a close with sprint in Rome
Acidly: In the thrilling snooze fest that was the 2025 Giro d'Italia finale, Simon Yates decked himself in pink, blissfully unaware of how spectacularly dull the race was. With rivals crashing and panicking left and right, Yates ambled toward victory, seemingly only competing against himself. A gaggle of riders took turns pretending to sprint, all while the peloton slowly munched on pasta. Yates grinned like a Cheshire cat while his teammate snagged the stage win. Bravo! A real blockbuster for the history pages—or not.
The Good Ol'Ads
UFC fighter rips opponent after seizure causes last-second main event cancellation: ‘She’s a complete mess’
Acidly: Oh, joy! Just minutes before the main event at UFC Vegas 107, Maycee Barber's plans came crashing down—again. After strutting in half a pound over, she decided to seize the moment quite literally and collapsed backstage, earning herself a golden ticket to the ER. Erin Blanchfield, not one to mince words, claimed Barber's a "complete mess" and questioned her professionalism. Talk about drama! Instead of a fight, we get a masterclass in how to waste months of training and hype. Hope Barber has a good doctor!
Taylor Swift Wears a Bejeweled LBD for a Celebratory Girls Night Out with Selena Gomez
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Acidly: Oh, joy! Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez decided to grace NYC with their presence for a "special girls’ night out." Nothing says friendship like gabbing over tea after Swift's big master-rebuy celebration. Dressed like they’re heading for a red carpet rather than a casual dinner, there's gossip and glitter aplenty. Swift's shocked face? Probably a reaction to Gomez's latest “acting.” Celebrate ownership of songs while sipping overpriced lattes. Yeah, that’s the real struggle. Who cares about real problems when you own your past?
West Coast Falcon 9 launches 27 satellites for SpaceX’s Starlink internet service
Acidly: SpaceX is launching rockets faster than most people finish their lunch, with its 16th Falcon 9 blast in May alone. With 27 new Starlink satellites added to the clutter of low Earth orbit, the world can now bask in the glow of yet another mission piloted by the seasoned B1071 booster, which has flown more times than your last treadmill session. The company aims for a staggering 170 launches in 2025! Keep up the pace, SpaceX—because who needs to breathe when you can just keep sending things into the void?
The Good Ol'Ads
OPEC Plus Members Say They Will Fast-Track Oil Output
Acidly: OPEC Plus, led by Saudi Arabia and their newfound buddy Russia, has decided to crank up oil production for the third month in a row—because who doesn’t love expensive gas? They claim it’s all about a "steady global economic outlook," but let's be real; it’s about cash flow. With vengeful inflation lurking, they’re curiously catering to Trump’s desires for lower prices, while pretending to diversify their economy. It’s a ruthless game of price control, and we're all just pawns in their oil-fueled chess match.
macOS Tahoe Name Leaked Ahead of Apple's WWDC Event Next Week
Acidly: Hold onto your overpriced Apple devices, folks! Rumor has it, macOS 26 will be dubbed "Tahoe," because why not name software after a pretty lake while ignoring your memory-hogging updates? This glassy wonder promises translucent windows – delightful! Just what we need, more reflections of our disappointment. Apple’s antics of renaming OSes after California discarded like last year’s model continues. Who cares if we’re still waiting for actual innovation? Mark your calendars for another show of shiny things on June 9th!
Exercise Extends Life for People With Cancer, Study Shows
Acidly: In a groundbreaking study, researchers discovered that exercise actually helps cancer patients live longer and avoid pesky recurrences. Who knew? Nearly 900 patients participated, and surprise, those who exercised had a 37% lower risk of dying. The catch? You need a "physical activity consultant" because apparently, just jogging doesn't cut it anymore. But hey, if you want to avoid crossing your fingers and hoping for the best, maybe it's time to trade in the couch for some brisk walks. Who knew staying alive could be so much work?