Buildup to a Meltdown: How the Trump-Musk Alliance Collapsed
Acidly: In a stunning saga of celebrity egos, Trump flipped his lid when he learned his NASA pick donated cash to Democrats. Musk, sporting a fresh black eye, tried to defend his buddy Isaacman, but all Trump saw was betrayal. Their once-chummy alliance crumbled as Trump announced Isaacman's ouster faster than a SpaceX rocket launch. Amidst threats to yank contracts, Musk urged impeachment. Meanwhile, Trump claimed Musk’s freakouts stem from "Trump derangement syndrome." The future? As bright as a black hole.
Russia launches 'massive' strikes days after Ukrainian drone attack
Acidly: In a show of aerial pyrotechnics, Russia gifted Ukraine a "massive" missile and drone barrage on Friday, proving that even in chaos, they can aim for Olympic levels of destruction. Five lives snuffed out, 80 injuries, and an impressive count of over 400 drones unleashed—who knew Moscow had such a flair for dramatics? President Zelensky urged global leaders to wake up from their slumber, suggesting that ignoring this circus act is akin to being complicit. So, who needs Netflix when you have war?
Sicily’s Mount Etna erupts with columns of smoke and ash
Acidly: Mount Etna sneezed spectacularly, hurling smoke and ash like it was auditioning for a disaster movie. Panic? Nah, just where do we sign up for the thrill ride? Catania airport raised the alert level, but you know, airport drama is a Tuesday special. The local volcano experts assured everyone that the lava flows, as fiery as they are, are just chillin' inside their "natural containment area." Meanwhile, tourists are sprinting like it’s a marathon while the volcano plays its hottest hits. What a show!
The Good Ol'Ads
Andrew Nembhard won’t get the spotlight after Haliburton’s game winner, but he saved Pacers
Acidly: The Indiana Pacers, bless their deluded hearts, strategized about offense while Shai Gilgeous-Alexander dribbled circles around them, scoring 38. Somehow, in a game starring a superstar, they forgot to mention defense—like discussing how to beat a lion without preparing to escape. But Andrew Nembhard held the line, denying SGA at crunch time, as Haliburton played celebrity. As Indiana snagged a nail-biting 111-110 win, Nembhard quietly became the unsung hero of a team too busy basking in fleeting glory. Well done, I guess?
Sean 'Diddy' Combs trial day 22 recap: Witness says Combs participated in 'hotel nights' as recently as August 2024
Acidly: In an "emotional" spectacle, Sean "Diddy" Combs' sex-trafficking trial showcased the riveting testimony of an ex-girlfriend, "Jane," who wept while recounting her role in sordid three-day "freak-offs." Because who needs romance when you can just provide drugs and endure the degradation of group sex? Prosecutors painted Combs as a coercive puppet master, while his lawyers argued it was all consensual—because, obviously, securing your financial future through sexual exploitation is just a charming love language. Welcome to the glamorous life of a rap mogul.
Resilience spacecraft likely crashed into the moon, Ispace confirms
Acidly: Ispace is going full throttle on its lunar dreams, despite another crash landing. CEO Takeshi Hakamada waxed poetic about "never quitting" while comparing their string of failures to SpaceX's early woes. But hey, crash after crash might not be great for investor faith? CFO Jumpei Nozaki boasts they're funded for a third attempt that's due in 2027. Meanwhile, Resilience took a scenic four-month detour—because who doesn’t love a leisurely trip before crashing? Good luck with that trust restoration!
The Good Ol'Ads
Dow rises more than 400 points on solid jobs report, S&P 500 touches 6,000: Live updates
Acidly: Stocks soared Friday, apparently thriving on the news that the U.S. job market isn’t completely crumbling yet. The Dow bounced back over 443 points, thanks mostly to Tesla, which recovered a smidge after a dramatic plummet—thanks, Elon! Meanwhile, Lululemon nosedived 18% after slashing its earnings outlook, proving once again that athleisure can’t work miracles. And don’t worry; Trump still wants those interest rates sliced. Because who needs stability, right?
How to buy the Nintendo Switch 2: Latest stock availability for consoles and games
Acidly: Oh joy, the Nintendo Switch 2 is finally here! For a mere $450, you can join the frenzy of desperate gamers fighting over a dwindling stock. Online sales vanished faster than your will to live on Monday at midnight, but fear not! Pop into a brick-and-mortar hellhole—Target, GameStop, if you dare. Costco’s got a bundle, but good luck getting in without a membership. Restocks? Ha! Who cares about that! Enjoy crawling through retail like a gamer in the wild—will you survive?
Measles warning to holidaymakers as cases rise across Europe
Acidly: Measles is back and serenading Europe this summer, hitting a delightful 25-year high just as families plan their sunny escapades. With a whopping 109 confirmed cases just in England this April, it seems the unvaccinated kiddies are the real party crashers. While the UK’s vaccination rates hover around 73% in London, Dr. Saliba warns parents to check their kids’ MMR records – or risk a holiday infused with ear infections and rashes. Who needs a relaxing vacation when you can bring home a contagious souvenir?