Melissa Hortman, shepherd of historic 2023 session, called House Democrats’ ‘captain’
Acidly: In a tragically ironic twist of fate, Minnesota DFL Rep. Melissa Hortman was shot dead with her husband. A fierce political player, she had dreams of changing the world but ended up battling for power—only to lose the House and compromise on healthcare for immigrants. Sadly, a legacy of political shenanigans and bitter rivalries didn’t save her life. And while her opponents paid tribute, one can only wonder if those shared "values" helped her in the end. Guess the real lesson is that politics, much like life, has a grim sense of humor.
Live Updates: Iran Launches Missiles at Israel After Israeli Strikes on Nuclear Sites
Acidly: In a dazzling display of chaos, Iran's Shahran fuel depot meets its fiery fate, exploding like popcorn. Apparently, nobody thought storing 8 million liters of gas near residential towers was a bad idea. Meanwhile, Israel joyfully bats back Iran's ballistic missiles, and apparently, civilian areas are fair game. Talk about a real estate boom—who wants a condo bordering a war zone? Trump and Putin seem more concerned with chitchat than diplomacy as deadly fireworks blaze across the Middle East. Ah, war. Truly, the gift that keeps on giving.
'The sea is like a minefield': The web of illegal fish traps in Italy's Mediterranean
Acidly: In a charming display of underwater urban renewal, Sea Shepherd volunteers are diligently hunting illegal FADs off Sicily. These man-made horrors—illegal, plastic, and a buffet for marine life—are being plucked from the sea like weeds. Techno tunes blaring, they wrestle with nylon lines that are long enough to circle the Earth. But while they rescue turtles and nab trash, experts point out that biodegradable alternatives are as elusive as common sense among fishermen. Ah, the irony of saving the ocean with its own junk!
The Good Ol'Ads
2025 U.S. Open leaderboard live coverage: Scoreboard updates, golf scores, tee times for Round 3 at Oakmont
Acidly: Moving Day at Oakmont was less “exciting leap” and more “steady crawl.” Sam Burns and J.J. Spaun played it safe, shooting 69s and remaining glued to the top of the leaderboard, while fans twiddled their thumbs waiting for someone—anyone—to make a move. Adam Scott finally excited the crowd with birdies, but the thrilling two-horse race still involved less action than a Sunday afternoon nap. Turns out, smart golf is the answer—who knew? Spoiler: The talent behind just tumbled further down, proving again that the climb is always steeper for the rest.
‘Real Housewives’ executive tragically dies giving birth to newborn son
Acidly: Lauren Miller, an executive at Shed Media, tragically died moments after giving birth to her son, Jackson. A real-life plot twist worthy of a soap opera. Her husband Kevin is now left parenting their three-year-old while drowning in sympathy tweets and a GoFundMe that raked in over $132,000. Celebrities joined the online sob fest, sharing heart emojis and “thoughts and prayers.” At least the baby survived and is as “alert” as a newborn can get. Kudos to karma for giving Kevin a new reason to weep daily.
Space humbles the SEAL-doctor-astronaut | On the ISS this week June 9-13, 2025
Acidly: Oh, the glamour of space life! This week aboard the International Space Station, where gravity is absent but boredom is omnipresent. Jonny Kim, the former Navy SEAL turned NASA maintenance man, fiddled with air filters and chipsets while lamenting lost pliers. A riveting highlight included astronauts poking their eyes for science—because who doesn't want to risk their sight up there? Meanwhile, the launch of a visiting crew got shelved; apparently, “space bureaucracy” is a cosmic joke. Happy maintenance, astronauts!
The Good Ol'Ads
The Israel-Iran conflict is shaking the markets — but nervous investors aren’t panicking
Acidly: Wall Street’s reaction to the Israeli airstrikes on Iran? Oh, just another day of investors with tunnel vision, scrambling to gauge the ultimate impact on stocks, oil, and their precious retirement plans. They’re worried about what could happen while the Middle East is on fire, because who needs geopolitical insight when you can panic over a few percentage points? Stocks dipped and soared like a rollercoaster, yet somehow, investors aren't frantically selling. Maybe there’s hope after all—just don’t hold your breath.
Apple Seeds Revised iOS 26 Developer Beta to Fix Battery Issue
Acidly: Apple has graced developers with the iOS 26 beta—exclusively for the iPhone 15 and 16. Sorry, iPhone 14 owners, your ancient relics can’t join the party. The update fixes a delightful little issue where the new devices celebrate updates by declaring themselves dead. Because who doesn’t love a functioning phone that brags about its new liquid glass interface while simultaneously refusing to turn on? Public beta testers get their turn in July, but who are we kidding? September will bring the real headache.
US measles count nears 1,200 cases as Ohio officials confirm 3 outbreaks are over
Acidly: Ah, the measles, the viral whiplash that keeps giving. This week, the U.S. celebrated fewer than 30 cases as Ohio wrapped up outbreaks. But don’t get too cozy; 1,197 cases this year proves vaccination is a luxury some prefer to skip. Texas’s outbreak alone boasts 744, mostly in Amish communities. Meanwhile, the Canadian game of “who can catch measles faster” continues with thousands infected. Who needs vaccines when you have good ol’ ignorance? Just ask the unvaccinated kids who are now, um, not around. Cheers!