U.S. Enters War With Iran, Bombing Key Nuclear Sites: Live Updates

Acidly: In a thrilling game of "Who Bombs Who," the U.S. just dropped a "full payload" on Iran's Fordo facility, home to their nuclear aspirations. Planes are safely home, sipping piña coladas, while Iran's officials spill secrets like tea at a gossip convention. With tensions spiraling, Trump's "peace talks" may be a front for more explosive exchanges. Meanwhile, Iranian families huddle in chaos, desperately calling each other amidst a cyber blackout. Who needs stability when we can have more war game fun? Enjoy the show, folks!

Israel-Iran war enters second week

Acidly: In a thrilling plot twist that could only be crafted by a screenwriter with zero originality, the Israel-Iran war drags on. Cue President Trump: once again, he’s torn between presidency and bedtime snacks, pondering if the U.S. should join Israel in obliterating Iran's nuclear ambitions. Spoiler alert: his indecision is as riveting as watching paint dry. Meanwhile, Willie James Inman casually reports this gripping saga, proving that sometimes the news feels less like reality and more like an overplayed soap opera.

Italian defense minister says NATO ‘as it is’ has no reason to exist

Acidly: Ah, Guido Crosetto, the Italian Defense Minister, is back at it again, pining for the good old days when NATO was a symbol of global unity—oh wait, that was thirty years ago. In a breathtakingly original remark, he declared NATO is as relevant as a floppy disk. With Europe helplessly sidelined and the U.S. fixated on its budget like it’s Black Friday, Crosetto mourns the loss of Europe’s stature. Meanwhile, Italy’s military spending still feels like a pocket change donation. Bravo, NATO! Keep up the mediocre work!

The Good Ol'Ads

2025 College World Series final score: Live updates of Game 1 as LSU, Coastal Carolina battle in Omaha

Acidly: In a clash of titans, LSU and Coastal Carolina are just two games away from a shiny piece of metal—the national championship. The marquee matchup features LSU's Kade Anderson, boasting an impressive 11-1 record, versus Coastal Carolina's Cameron Flukey, who can't seem to stop serving runs like pizza. LSU scored first because, why wouldn't they? The Chanticleers are on a 26-game winning streak, but clearly, magic only works in fairy tales. Tune in for a pitcher's duel that may or may not be thrilling. Enjoy your snacks!

Box Office: ’28 Years Later’ Chomps on $14 Million Opening Day; ‘Elio’ Facing Pixar’s Lowest Debut Ever as ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ Rules Again

Acidly: Sony’s “28 Years Later” waltzed in with $14 million, trying to resurrect a franchise and prove they still matter. Meanwhile, Pixar's “Elio” is on track for the lowest debut ever—great work, guys. Despite a $150 million budget, it's showing up like a bad date that forgot the flowers. On the flipside, Universal’s “How to Train Your Dragon” holds its ground, while “Bride Hard” spectacularly bombed, likely to debut under a million. Hollywood—where the hits keep getting lower and the misses hit harder.

Psyche keeps its date with an asteroid, but now it’s running in backup mode

Acidly: NASA just slapped its $1.4 billion Psyche spacecraft back into working order, proving once again that even space probes aren’t immune to technical hiccups. After detecting a drop in pressure and powering down its thrusters—like a toddler throwing a tantrum—it switched to its backup fuel line. Now, it's on track for a flyby of Mars in 2026, heading toward a metallic potato in 2029. Let’s hope the backup system doesn’t throw a fit too. Nothing screams “cutting-edge technology” like a spacecraft that could fall apart at any moment.

The Good Ol'Ads

Europe’s Growing Fear: How Trump Might Use U.S. Tech Dominance Against It

Acidly: Ah, the beauty of diplomacy, shattered by an executive order. Trump blindsided the International Criminal Court as Microsoft enthusiastically snipped its email service to chief prosecutor Karim Khan. The move was celebrated by some policymakers, while others groaned at the tech giant's eagerness to play puppet. Europeans, finally realizing they’re tech-hostages, are now scrambling to find alternatives. Who knew Microsoft had so much power? Now, with plans for European sovereignty, they might just spin from "Windows" to "Closed Doors!"

The Nintendo Switch 2 is an awesome upgrade for parents like me

Acidly: Ah, the joys of overpriced gaming tech. You forked over $450 for a Nintendo Switch 2—what a steal! Sure, you had a perfectly functioning Switch and Steam Deck, but who can resist the allure of yet another shiny gadget? Now, you can "share" games with your spawn—how innovative! Your kid gets to start her Mario games all over again because syncing is obviously for advanced users. And who knew beaming screens could turn family time into a digital circus? Bravo, Nintendo. Life-changing, truly.

Regulators Approve a Twice-Yearly Shot to Prevent H.I.V. Infection

Acidly: Great news: the FDA approved a twice-yearly H.I.V. injection that could save lives. Oh, wait, it’s coming at a time when funding for global health is being slashed harder than a bad haircut. Lenacapavir promises to prevent infections but will mainly help a select few while the rest of the world can savor the bitter taste of inaccessibility. So, while Americans inconvenience themselves with insurance woes, billions elsewhere will keep popping those less-effective daily pills. Cheers to progress!