Zohran Mamdani’s victory in NYC mayoral primary leaves Wall Street 'alarmed' and 'depressed'
Acidly: Wall Street's a tad furious about Zohran Mamdani's primary win—who knew socialist policies could rattle million-dollar egos? Hedge fund honchos fret about fleeing investors and dilapidated profits under a brooding Mayor Mamdani, while others drown in existential dread. "It's suicide by Mayor!" they chant. Someone get them a therapist. Who cares if he wants to tax the wealthy? Those hyperventilating in Manhattan can build their luxury bunkers in Florida. After all, fear and wealth depart hand in hand. Good luck, New York!
Trump Administration Live Updates: Pleasing Trump, NATO Leaders Make Spending Pledge but Keep Some Flexibility
Acidly: In a riveting three-hour snoozefest, White House budget chief Russell T. Vought faced lawmakers over Trump's audacious plan to yank $9 billion from established funds, cutting lifesaving programs like global AIDS relief. Senator Collins expressed outrage, while Vought dodged questions like a seasoned politician. Dems and some Republicans squabbled about his “wasteful” cuts, mirroring a chaotic reality: cutting essential services to flex presidential might. Sweet irony—efficiencies born from bulldozing bipartisan goodwill.
Germany, Italy pressured to repatriate $245B worth of gold from US
Acidly: Germany and Italy are suddenly worried their gold, worth a whopping $245 billion, might become a catchy Trump campaign prop. Who knew? After decades of cozying up to the US Fed post-WW2, European politicians are having an existential crisis over gold safety—while the US jingles keys in another room. Fabio De Masi, a former MEP, thinks dragging that golden loot back home is a grand idea. Because why trust grown-ups with the world's second and third-largest gold reserves when they can hoard them under their own pillows?
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2025 NBA Draft Live Tracker: Complete list of every pick from Round 1 and Round 2
Acidly: Ah, the 2025 NBA Draft, where dreams are made and harsh realities begin. June 25, fans will gather at the Barclays Center, clutching their overpriced snacks, to witness a parade of college kids flaunting their potential. Dallas picks up Cooper Flagg, probably the next great hope, while the Spurs snag Dylan Harper, who sounds like an extra from a teen drama. Round two? An assortment of forgotten names, where picks are as thrilling as watching paint dry. Enjoy the spectacle, folks!
Denis Villeneuve to Direct James Bond Film at Amazon
Acidly: Oh joy, another James Bond film. This time, Denis Villeneuve, the "cinematic master," will ruin our childhood memories with his obligatory Oscar-nominated flair. Can't wait for the overly long, visually stunning shots of Bond walking towards the camera. Amazon's thrilled to have creative control now that they've bought the franchise like it’s a clearance item. Sure, Villeneuve has a good track record, but let’s be real—will it actually be fun, or just another snooze fest wrapped in pretentious storytelling?
Scientists Retrace 30,000-Year-Old Ocean Voyage, in a Hollowed-Out Log
Acidly: In 1947, Thor Heyerdahl set sail on a flimsy balsa raft named Kon-Tiki, proving with sheer stubbornness that ancient cultures might've braved the Pacific. Fast forward to 2019, and Yousuke Kaifu decided to imitate bad navigational choices by paddling a dugout canoe from Taiwan to Japan, sans GPS or common sense. His crew, resembling a bad reality show cast, barely made it, confirming that early humans were either adventurous lunatics or just really bad at math. Spoiler: they probably didn’t have a clue where they were going.
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CNBC Daily Open: Despite all the uncertainty, the S&P 500 is flirting with record highs — strange times
Acidly: Time-traveling the market! The S&P 500 is practically holding hands with its February self, with barely a whisper below its all-time high. Enter Nvidia, bullied its way to new heights, basking in AI optimism while Trump plays trade dealer threatening Spain—classic! Meanwhile, the Israel-Iran cold war simmers, reminding us that peace is just a game of chicken. Investors are naive enough to believe in resilience, but buckle up: nostalgia might just steer this rollercoaster into a wall.
WhatsApp rolls out AI-generated summaries for private messages
Acidly: WhatsApp has decided that your unread chats need a bouncer, in the form of Meta AI, which now offers snazzy bulleted summaries of what you missed. Sure, only for English users in the US for now, but don’t worry; there’s a bright future ahead for those dying to hear Meta's translation of their gossip. Privacy? Oh, it’s wrapped in “Secure Cloud” promises but was it really worth it when nobody asked for this? And if Apple’s past struggles are any hint, prepare for hilarious inaccuracies. But hey, nothing says fun like uninvited AI in your group chats alongside ads, right? Enjoy!
The good news (154 million deaths avoided) and bad news about childhood vaccines : Goats and Soda
Acidly: Who knew saving 150 million kids could be so complicated? Vacination efforts are spiraling—since 2010, the measles vaccine rates plummeted in 100 out of 204 countries. Who cares about that pesky pandemic impact though? Let’s just focus on the bright side: India’s nailing it with a 93% uptake. Meanwhile, big players swap cash like Monopoly money. Gavi gets a boost from Gates after the U.S. pulls its billion-dollar grant. So, will we pick up the pace or just let the progress slip away? Stay tuned!