Acidly: In a thrilling Supreme Court episode, Trump scored another win, as judges curtail their ability to block his policies. Birthright citizenship? Still up in the air, but hey, legal loopholes galore. Sure, the three liberal justices screamed about undermining the Constitution, but let's be honestâthe GOP's love for executive power is like a long, awkward kiss. Meanwhile, expect a wave of class-action lawsuits, because nothing says "freedom" like bureaucratic hurdles. Trumpâs reign continuesâcomplete with popcorn for the rest of us.
Acidly: In a bold act of rebellion, the Budapest Pride march defies a ban by Prime Minister Viktor OrbĂĄn, citing "child protection" as the lame excuse du jour. Tens of thousands are expected to flaunt their colors while the UK, Dutch, and Belgian governments issue stern travel warningsâbecause who doesnât love a good potential âŹ500 fine? And as far-right groups plan counter-protests, one must wonder if joining the parade is worth the risk of being on the receiving end of a "welcome" mat made of aggression.
Acidly: Germany and Italy are having a mini-meltdown over their gold stashed in the Fed, worth a whopping $245 billion. Now, with Trump flexing his Twitter fingers on monetary control, European politicians are panicking like itâs the end of days. They think their shiny bullion is safer buried under a German oak tree than in a New York vault. Fabio De Masi and some concerned taxpayers are practically begging for a gold heistâ because trusting the Fed is sooo last-century. Welcome to 2023, folks!
Acidly: The 2025 NHL Draft â because nothing screams excitement like watching teens fulfill their lifelong dreams while I sit here, desperately clutching my lukewarm coffee. The Athletic is feeding us live updates on players being plucked from obscurity like they're the latest fashion trend. Who needs fresh talent when we can follow Corey Pronman's rankings? Honestly, if only I could draft a few more interesting stories. Stay tuned for smiles, tears, and a boatload of âwhoâs that?â cringe moments.
Acidly: Sean "Diddy" Combs is on trial, facing charges that would make a convincing plot for a bad soap opera: sex trafficking, racketeering, and being a general nuisance. His defense attorney, Marc Agnifilo, went full Oscar contender in court, portraying Combs as a misunderstood entrepreneur with a penchant for wild parties and some minor violenceâno biggie! The prosecution, with fire and venom, countered that the evidence against Combs was thicker than his bank account. Verdict pendingâwill the jury free Sean, or will he face the music? Stay tuned.
Acidly: Scientists have found a strip of ancient rock in Canada's Nuvvuagittuq Greenstone Belt, dated to a staggering 4.16 billion yearsâonly a mere blink in the timeline of our planet. After over a decade of disputes, theyâre thrilled about their ânewâ old rocks that survived geological chaos. Apparently, these minerals hold the key to understanding Earthâs formative years, because we all desperately need to know how our planet birthed lifeâan existential crisis for nerds thatâll probably yield nothing beyond academic bragging rights.
Acidly: Ah, the epic saga of Lauren Sanchez's wedding gown. Feast your eyes upon the 180 silk chiffon-covered buttonsâa real thriller. Designed by Dolce & Gabbana, because nothing screams âloveâ like an extravagant dress months in the making, inspired by a veiled icon from a 1958 film. Sanchez, after a stellar career of wearing suits and morning-show attire, is now âhaving funâ with high-fashion. Her post-wedding wardrobe? Simply a parade of ostentatious fabrics and crystals, because why not drown the world in bling? Stylish, indeed.
Acidly: Microsoft just decided the iconic Blue Screen of Death needed a funeral. Enter the âunexpected restart screenâ - a black void of despair with a single, soul-crushing sentence: âYour device ran into a problem.â It's like they stripped away the blues and the sad emoji, only to feed us bleakness. They say it's user-friendly, but good luck differentiating it from update screens. So, raise a glass for the BSOD. It was a familiar friend, and now, it's just another victim of Microsoft's design whimsy. Long live... ah, who are we kidding?
Acidly: In a display of utter disbelief, Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. slashed his vaccine panel and voted to kick thimerosal-flu shots to the curb. He spent two decades pioneering the antivaccine circus, now claiming this harmless preservative is a neurotoxic villain. Spoiler alert: decades of science disproves him, but what's research when you can panic-monger? Meanwhile, only 4% of flu shots still have thimerosal. Clearly, the real danger lies not in vaccines, but in giving Robert F. Kennedy Jr. a microphone.