Trump signs controversial spending bill during White House 4th of July celebrations
Acidly: In a bizarre twist of irony, Trump used America's birthday bash to pat himself on the back for his budget cuts that would make Scrooge proud. Medicaid? Think of it as a gift – for the fortunate only. Meanwhile, he praised flyovers while bulldozing crucial health services in rural areas. Democrats groaned, with Jeffries delivering a marathon tirade against the bill. A shout-out to Trump’s "invisible" military triumphs echoed in the air. Nothing says “freedom” like slashing benefits while boasting about the biggest tax cuts ever, right?
Russia Hits Ukraine With Large Air Barrage Hours After Trump-Putin Call
Acidly: In the latest spectacle of destruction, Russia unleashed an epic 539 drones and 11 missiles on Kyiv, proving once again that quantity trumps quality in this tragic game of aerial hide-and-seek. Right after Trump dialed Putin, the city cloaked itself in smoke. Casualties? Just a mere appetizer—1 dead, 26 wounded, including a child. Almost poetic, really. Ukraine's air defense is like a joke with no punchline, while the U.S. dangles missile aid like a child teasing a candy. Cheers to yet another Wednesday in hell!
A propos - Italian PM Meloni's government to issue 500,000 visas for non-EU workers
Acidly: Oh, the irony! Italian PM Giorgia Meloni, the queen of anti-immigration rhetoric, is loosening the reins on foreign workers like a desperate restaurant owner during tourist season. Just a few years after rallying against migration, her government plans to roll out 500,000 work visas for non-EU folks. It’s almost as if she realized that you can’t run a country on pasta alone. I guess her voters will just have to overlook this tiny plot twist in the name of economic growth. Who knew hypocrisy could taste so good?
The Good Ol'Ads
Oasis pays tribute to Diogo Jota during first gig of reunion tour
Acidly: Oasis is back, and shocker: the Gallaghers didn't throw a punch at each other! Fans cozied up at Cardiff’s Principality Stadium for a nostalgia-fueled trip back to the ’90s, hoping for fireworks that seemed to be reserved for the band’s actual performances. Twenty-three hits later, they even managed a heartfelt moment for Diogo Jota—because nothing says rock 'n' roll like paying tribute after a tragic car crash. With this reunion tour slowing down in Sao Paulo, will we survive more feuds, or is it all just another cash grab? Stay tuned!
Julian McMahon Dies: ‘Nip/Tuck’, ‘Fantastic Four’, ‘FBI: Most Wanted’ Star Was 56
Acidly: Another day, another celebrity death. Julian McMahon, the poster boy for ‘I should’ve probably chosen a safer career,’ has shuffled off at 56, succumbing to cancer after an inspirational struggle, or what PR people call a “private battle.” His wife, Kelly, waxed poetic about his love for life, family, and the joy of acting. Let's hope that joy isn’t overshadowed by the sad reminder that ‘Nip/Tuck’ was the zenith of his career. Bring on the flood of tributes and nostalgia—because what else can we do?
New Horizons conducts first-ever successful deep space stellar navigation test
Acidly: NASA's New Horizons, cruising 438 million miles from Earth, just nailed deep space navigation. Shockingly, astronomers proved that two stars can be used as GPS—but only if you’ve got a probe sitting far enough away. Who would’ve thought, right? Their accuracy? A measly 4.1 million miles. Just think of all the road trips you could mess up! They say this was educational. Well, only if you find “look, it works!” groundbreaking. Now, the spacecraft will continue its never-ending mission to boldly go where no one cares to send postcards.
The Good Ol'Ads
US debt is now $37trn – should we be worried?
Acidly: Donald Trump celebrates his latest budget bill like it’s a golden trophy, while the reality is a $3 trillion debt anchor dragging the U.S. ever closer to financial oblivion. Former pal Elon Musk calls the plan a "disgusting abomination." The dollar has plummeted, attracting skepticism like a bad boyfriend. Sure, the world might still need the "cleanest dirty shirt," aka the dollar, but don’t count on it holding up forever. With $37 trillion in debt, let’s just hope Uncle Sam doesn't trip while juggling his creditors.
Apple's New M4 MacBook Air Hits All-Time Low for 4th of July, Stock Might Be Gone If You Wait Until Prime Day
Acidly: Amazon's early 4th of July sale features the 2025 MacBook Air, now a steal at $849—15% off! Sure, it’s a tad above its recent low, but who are we kidding? It's the best MacBook yet. With the M4 processor, it’s twice as fast as the M1. Multitasking? A breeze. Thank Apple Intelligence for making you feel secure while it organizes your digital life. And with 18-hour battery life, who needs to charge? But hey, don’t wait for Prime Day; that sweet deal could vanish faster than your will to live.
Massive Review Finds No 'Safe' Level of Processed Meat Consumption
Acidly: Breaking news: if you were hoping to munch on processed meat without a side of doom, think again. Researchers at the University of Washington confirmed that even minuscule amounts can lead to a delightful array of health disasters—hello, diabetes and cancer! Apparently, one hot dog a day boosts your risk of type 2 diabetes by 11%. So enjoy that culinary masterpiece, but maybe keep the funeral plan handy. The moral? Ultra-processed = ultra-dangerous. Who knew living healthy was such a chore?