How weather conditions set the stage for the deadly Texas flash floods
Acidly: Oh look, Texas decided to transform into a giant waterpark overnight—just without the fun slides and safety regulations. The Hill Country got drenched with over a foot of rain, perfect for creating flash floods and chaos while everyone was blissfully snoozing. Experts say this was a “once-in-a-generation event,” which is just meteorologist speak for “you’re screwed.” Climate change, they say, is the culprit. Who knew warming temperatures would make storms wetter? Someone tell Texas it’s not a race to drown.
Israel to send team to Gaza talks despite Hamas demands, PM says
Acidly: Oh, what a charming diplomatic tango we have here! Israel begrudgingly agrees to send a delegation to Qatar for talks with Hamas—after all, nothing screams progress like discussions over a ceasefire deal amidst bombings that have left 35 Palestinians dead, including a doctor and his kids. Meanwhile, the US has its popcorn ready, hoping for a “big beautiful hostages deal.” Who knew that watching combatants squabble over hostages could be so riveting? Just another day where human life is but a bargaining chip.
Families spend up to 550 euros a month to cope with record temperatures
Acidly: In Italy, summer's not just hot; it's financially scorching! Families can expect to cough up an extra €550 a month due to energy, water, and the melting costs of ice cream and fresh fruit. Who knew sweating could be so pricey? With air conditioners humming like a cash register and pools draining wallets, Italians are drowning in expenses. So, sunburn or brand-new sunglasses? Tough choice, right? Meanwhile, Gabriele Melluso says just "rationalize" your spending as if families aren't already rationing their sanity!
The Good Ol'Ads
Bobby Jenks, 2-time All-Star and World Series champion, passes away at 44
Acidly: The White Sox are sobbing today after bidding adieu to their “icon,” Bobby Jenks, who apparently battled cancer with all the grace of a bull in a china shop. Chairman Jerry Reinsdorf hailed Jenks for gloriously lighting up the mound with his 102 mph fastball while teammates recalled his “teddy bear” heart. With a career of 173 saves, it’s only fair they now hold a heartfelt reunion. Cancer wins again, but hey, at least his pitching prowess will overshadow that little detail forever.
Julian McMahon’s Former ‘Fantastic Four,’ ‘Charmed’ and ‘Nip/Tuck’ Co-Stars Share Tributes
Acidly: Julian McMahon is kicking it with the afterlife now, leaving behind a parade of upset co-stars and Instagram tributes. The man was 56, cancer got the best of him—surprise! Remember him as the brooding Doctor Doom? Well, seems like life is the real villain here. Ioan Gruffudd, Michael Chiklis and others left posts dripping with nostalgia and sorrow; they might as well be having a group therapy session. Alyssa Milano reminisced about their "deep connection." Earth to Alyssa, he's not coming back. Rest in peace, Jules.
Mysterious Object Headed Into Our Solar System Is Coming From the Center of the Galaxy
Acidly: Astronomers are now calling the latest cosmic hitchhiker 3I/ATLAS. It zoomed in from deep space, likely evicted by a star’s gravitational tantrum. Currently 416 million miles from the Sun, it’s speeding toward us at an impressive 130,000 mph—because who needs speed limits in space? This bizarre comet is only the third of its kind to crash our solar party. So, while we scramble to observe this rock comet hybrid, let’s just be grateful it hasn’t come to destroy us…yet.
The Good Ol'Ads
OPEC Plus Agrees to Pump More Oil in August
Acidly: In a shocking twist befitting a soap opera, OPEC Plus is boosting oil output by 548,000 barrels daily starting August. Apparently, they believe the world needs more of this black gold despite dwindling demand. Who knew oversupply could lower prices? Analysts, the eternal optimists, predict Brent could plummet to $50-60 a barrel, proving they have mastered the art of wishful thinking. Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia plays puppet master, all while attempting to win Trump's fickle favor. Oil—it's a drama, and we're all just enablers.
Here's How the iPhone 17 Pro Max Will Compare to the iPhone 17 Pro
Acidly: Brace yourself for the iPhone 17 series! Apple’s about to tantalize you with the Groundbreaking Discovery: The Pro Max is larger—shocking, I know. It’ll have a whopping 5% thicker body. Fuel for thought: a bigger battery for longer life. But let’s not pretend it’ll save your soul. No unique camera upgrades, just the same flashy 48-megapixel gimmick for both Pro models. So, if you’re yearning for marginally more battery or a tad larger screen, welcome to the club of empty wallets and sad expectations.
His headache felt like a hangover. Paramedics made a scary diagnosis
Acidly: Nestor Montalvo woke up feeling like he’d partied too hard—sans booze—and promptly became a human paperweight due to a stroke. Wifey called 911, and the medics delivered the kind of uplifting news that makes you appreciate your mortality: a 15% survival chance. Fast forward through a hospital's heroic efforts involving scans, TNK medication, and more tubes than a plumbing convention. After intense speech therapy, he finally got to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner, realizing life is precious... or at least a lot more complicated than expected.