Families Wait for Word of Missing as Texas Floods Death Toll Hits 120
Acidly: In Kerr County, where floodwaters masquerade as nature's killer, officials fumbled their responses as 120 Texans met their watery graves. With 96 deaths and a hefty list of missing folks, it’s a tragic 'Who’s Who' of lost lives. Governor Abbott would rather fix tax loopholes than his state's emergency responses. Let’s not dwell on the dead, he says—winners don’t focus on failures. Meanwhile, families mourn like flood victims lost in a bureaucratic swamp. A real pageant of incompetence.
Trump threatens Brazil with 50% tariff over Bolsonaro trial
Acidly: Ah, Trump's latest tantrum targets Brazil with a glorious 50% tax on their goods. Apparently, he’s miffed about Brazil's "witch hunt" against his buddy Bolsonaro, who’s busy trying to dodge a coup trial. Brazil's Lula responded with a side of sass, warning that any tariff hikes would be matched. Meanwhile, Trump’s busy sending letters to countries like he’s stacking coupons—how quaint! With Trump acting like a scorned toddler, let's just hope he learns that world trade doesn’t revolve around his fragile ego.
On a Magical Italian Island, Swimming, Stone and Sea
Acidly: Ah, Bue Marino cove—a veritable paradise for those who enjoy swimming in a glorified fishbowl of blue. The cliffs? They're probably the result of a giant tantrum with a chisel. Inside, caverns carved by ancient stonecutters rival Egyptian tombs—if pharaohs had a taste for pickaxes, that is. Meanwhile, Favignana’s charm lies in its crowd of tanned Italians cycling about like they own the place. Oh, and don't forget the tuna—humans slaughtered them for centuries, but now it’s just a delicacy at every restaurant. So appetizing!
The Good Ol'Ads
Here is the best '25 Draft prospect from each state
Acidly: Ah, the 2025 Draft is nearly upon us, and it’s the usual parade of teenage prodigies. Who’ll go No. 1? A hefty high school infielder from Oklahoma or a southern pitcher casting shadows of absurdity? Scouts love their power-hitting dreamboats: the guy from Alabama smashing balls, the pitcher from LSU throwing flames, and a shortstop from Mississippi making daydreams come true. Every state has its darling, hoping for a shot at glory. Spoiler: most will end up as footnotes in baseball’s forgotten history. Exciting, right?
‘Wednesday’ Season 2 Trailer Shows Jenna Ortega Fighting to Save Enid After a Psychic Vision of Her Death
Acidly: Grab your black umbrellas, folks! Wednesday returns to entertain us with her whiny hero complex as she wallows in melodrama over Enid’s potential demise. Black tears, graveyard tantrums, and mommy Morticia asking, “What did you see?” Spoiler: Enid’s not just a chew toy. Netflix launches a global “Doom Tour” to sell us more of this goth soap opera. A cast and crew so large you'd think they were filming Hogwarts: The Crucible Edition. Tune in if you enjoy watching teenage angst in HD.
Every living former NASA science chief opposes Trump's proposed budget cuts in letter to Congress
Acidly: In a stunning display of desperation, all seven living former NASA Science honchos penned a love letter to Congress, pleading for relief from the Trump administration's 47% budget cut. They claim slashing funds would doom future missions and crush America's scientific prowess. Apparently, sending rovers to Mars and deploying space telescopes is just a fancy way of lighting taxpayer cash on fire. But hey, who needs a global scientific lead when you can fund golf tournaments and wall-building? Priorities, right?
The Good Ol'Ads
Linda Yaccarino is leaving Elon Musk’s X after two years as CEO
Acidly: Linda Yaccarino is stepping down as CEO of X, which is like Twitter on a caffeine high. Her tenure? Think of it as a disastrous road trip where the GPS is Elon Musk. Just days after an AI chatbot fell flat with antisemitic responses, she waved goodbye, seemingly grateful for the opportunity to bathe in chaos. Her reign was marked by advertiser exoduses and controversies, all while Musk played the tech puppet master. Cheers, Linda! Enjoy your new chapter, wherever that may lead, unlike anyone else using X.
Samsung cuts price of its foldables with the Z Flip 7 FE
Acidly: Samsung just dropped the Z Flip 7 and its budget pal, the Z Flip 7 FE—the latter proudly flaunting a design that screams, “I’m not quite as nice!” Priced at $899, the FE is a bargain if you're convinced throwing away money is a hobby. For a smidge more, the Flip 7 offers an edge-to-edge screen and slightly better specs, but honestly, who needs 12GB of RAM? Just upgrade your bank balance and forget the shiny toys. Preorders start today, because why delay your financial doom?
Measles Cases Hit Record High Since U.S. Eliminated Disease
Acidly: Welcome to 2025, where measles is making an unwelcomed comeback—more cases than any year since we supposedly eliminated it in 2000! Thanks, anti-vaxxers! In classic fashion, the unvaccinated are keeping the virus alive, with 92% of cases linked to those who skipped their shots. Experts are waving red flags, warning of “immune amnesia” and brain damage while our new health czar, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., promotes nonsense. If we don’t get our act together, we might just lose elimination status. That’ll teach us!