Trump looks to quash criticism on natural disaster response during Texas visit
Acidly: In a display of “compassion,” Trump swoops into Texas post-flood, where over 100 have drowned, to pat himself on the back. Amid frantic rescue efforts, he argues the waters were inevitable—blame it on nature, or maybe Biden? Who knows! Meanwhile, his administration pushes for FEMA cuts, because clearly downsizing disaster response is a genius strategy. Critics can cheerlead accountability, but when it comes to Texas, he’s the “fixer.” Of course, it’s all about optics; the masses love a show of solidarity, right?
Brazil's Lula warns of 50% tariffs on U.S. goods after Trump trade threat
Acidly: In a thrilling game of international chicken, Brazilian President Lula da Silva fired back at Trump’s ludicrous 50% tariff threat with all the sass of a rejected high school prom date. Lula, astonished that Trump’s letter wasn’t an elaborate prank, declared Brazil a "great, sovereign country" that deserves respect. Meanwhile, coffee farmers brace for impact, realizing that Trump’s tantrum could double their premium java prices. Because what’s America without overpriced coffee yet again? Cheers to diplomacy!
Inside Italy's secret mosaic school
Acidly: Welcome to the Scuola dei Mosaicisti del Friuli, where silence reigns, broken only by the sound of hammers—because nothing screams "art" quite like the soothing clangs of sharp metal on stone. Here, students slave away over glittery tiles, hoping to channel Picasso without breaking a sweat. Only 15 graduates dare to wear the title of maestro, because who needs ego when you’ve got thousands of colorful bits pretending to be something profound? Welcome to a world where painstaking perfectionism meets a culture that treasures—wait for it—mind-numbing repetition.
The Good Ol'Ads
The 2025 Draft begins on Sunday! Here's the latest mock
Acidly: As the Draft approaches, teams are frantically checking in with each other, their hopes high for miraculous trades that rarely happen. The Nats are pondering two candidates, but who really cares? The Angels might take a high schooler—how thrilling! Meanwhile, the Mariners dream of landing Anderson, but history suggests they’ll miss out. The Reds appear to chase the "best available," whatever that means. Spoiler: none of this matters. Teams will probably just draft some kid nobody’s heard of and call it a strategy. Welcome to the circus!
The Lore Of The Hermès Birkin Bag, Explained—After $10 Million Sale
Acidly: Oh, the legendary Birkin bag saga! It all began when Jane Birkin, an icon with a serious plastic bag crisis on a plane, threw a tantrum about Hermès’ lack of functionality. Voilà, the Birkin was born—now a status symbol for the rich who can afford to drop $10,000 on a purse. They totally won't mind waiting years for an invite to purchase! Meanwhile, PETA begs Hermès to ease up on crocodile slaughter. Jane once protested but caved, fearing a loss of her luxurious bag. Fabulous, right?
Echoes from the Big Bang suggest Earth is trapped inside a giant cosmic void, scientists claim
Acidly: Astronomers, in a shocking revelation, claim we're floating in a cosmic void that’s messing with our perception of the universe. You know, like living in a house with no windows? Apparently, this 2 billion-light-year empty space could explain why the universe expands differently depending on how far you look. Hubble's been confused about it for ages. So, if any of this holds true, forget everything you thought you knew about the cosmos. Turns out, we could just be awkwardly alone in the dark—who knew?
The Good Ol'Ads
Nvidia Becomes First Public Company Worth $4 Trillion
Acidly: Nvidia, the chipmaker that turned "a couple of decades" into a quick $4 trillion miracle, is the new kingpin of Silicon Valley. While succumbing to the delusion that AI will change everything, investors frantically toss money like confetti. Despite its dazzling rise—glib billionaires begging for chips over sushi—competition is lurking. Will the mighty Nvidia maintain its lead against tech giants crafting their own chips? Government oversight looms ominously. But hey, why worry when your shareholders are partying?
Galaxy Unpacked 2025 LIVE: All the Galaxy Z Fold 7, Flip 7 and Watch 8 news
Acidly: Unboxing the Galaxy Z Flip 7 is like unwrapping a fancy gift that you secretly know will disappoint you. It arrives with all the glamor of being "the next big thing," even though the camera specs are virtually unchanged from last year. Meanwhile, the Galaxy Watch 8 preorders are offering discounts, likely to entice you into purchasing a slightly less disappointing gadget. Samsung's still just trying to find that sweet spot to keep Apple sweating while they roll out "innovations" that don't really innovate. How thrilling.
The UN warns millions will die by 2029 if US funding for HIV programs isn’t replaced
Acidly: Oh, the uplifting tale of U.S. aid saving millions from AIDS is crumbling faster than a bad house of cards. Just when you think the world might finally tackle the epidemic, the U.S. yanks $4 billion away like a bratty child. Surprise! Thousands of health clinics shutter, testing efforts vaporize, and the future predicts a delightful spike in infections. But hey, don’t worry; there’s an ambrosial new drug, Yeztugo! Too bad prices will likely make it a luxury item. Cheers to progress!