Farmworker dies from injuries suffered during Ventura County immigration raid, family says
Acidly: In a tragic episode of “let's play tag with federal agents,” a farmworker fell 30 feet while attempting to escape from a not-so-friendly immigration raid in Camarillo. Jaime Garcia, eager to send money home to his family, may have miscalculated his getaway route. Official statements claim he wasn’t being chased—because that would be too convenient for the narrative. Now, there’s a GoFundMe for funeral costs. Because nothing says “American dream” like dying while trying to work for one. Bravo, America.
Fuel to Air India Plane Was Cut Off Before Crash, Report Says
Acidly: Just moments after takeoff, Air India Flight 171 seemed to have a bright idea: let's shut off the fuel! In a shocking twist, it turns out the pilots were both confused members of a dysfunctional buddy cop duo, asking each other, “Who did it?” Spoiler alert: no one knows. With a catastrophic plummet into a medical college's dining hall, the flight not only became India’s deadliest in decades but also solidified Air India’s talent for modern disasters. Bravo, gentlemen!
Italy's sunken city returning from the sea
Acidly: Ah, the Bay of Cartaromana—where sunbathers lounge atop ancient ruins as if they’re sunning on a pool float. After some brave divers unearthed relics in the '70s, local wannabe archaeologists decided they’d be maritime Indiana Joneses. Fast forward to now: a glass-bottom boat tour of a submerged Roman quay reveals a glorified pile of rocks. Archaeologists hope to find evidence of Aenaria, the ancient city that, like most of its inhabitants, could’ve used a proper record keeper. But hey, who needs a city when you have good selfies?
The Good Ol'Ads
Wimbledon men's semifinals: Jannik Sinner dominates Novak Djokovic, Carlos Alcaraz beats Taylor Fritz for final with top 2 seeds
Acidly: Well, well, well, Jannik Sinner, the new king of grass, sent Djokovic packing in straight sets. Who knew Djokovic could limp so gracefully? He almost looked like an old man trying to navigate a dance floor. Meanwhile, Alcaraz, ever the drama queen, clawed his way past Fritz in a not-so-suspenseful tiebreak. Surprise, surprise—he's playing for his third title. Can someone tell him to stop taking the Wimbledon trophy hostage? The final on Sunday should be riveting, assuming Sinner doesn't trip over Djokovic’s ego first.
How AP journalists reacted to news of Justin Bieber’s new album
Acidly: Ah, "Bieber Fever," the relentless epidemic that refuses to be contained—much like Justin's hair in 2010. His impending album "Swag" has journalists betraying their intellect, proudly donning their “Belieber” hats while reminiscing about their awkward tween years. Meanwhile, poor Bieber pouts at the beach, confronting paparazzi in a cringe-worthy display of “standing on business.” Irony alert: track 16, a comedic reprisal of his meltdown. Don't worry, fans; you’ll be feverishly swooning over this trainwreck in no time.
Astronomers say new interstellar visitor 3I/ATLAS is 'very likely to be the oldest comet we have ever seen'
Acidly: Meet 3I/ATLAS: the ancient cosmic granddaddy of comets, crashing into our solar system like an uninvited guest at a party. Discovered in 2025, this relic is older than your grandma's recipe book—around 7 billion years old, or about 3 billion years older than our fledgling solar system. Researchers are giddy at the thought of it bursting with water ice, ready to thaw and put on a show as it approaches the sun. Who knew old space debris could cause this much excitement? Maybe it’s time to tidy up our galaxy.
The Good Ol'Ads
Stock market today: Dow falls 250 points, S&P 500, Nasdaq retreat from record as Trump escalates tariff threats
Acidly: US stocks endured a tough day as President Trump decided to poke the bear, threatening Canada with a hefty 35% import tariff. Wall Street hiccuped; the Dow slid 0.6%, while the S&P 500 and Nasdaq followed suit. But don't fret—Nvidia reached an eye-popping $4 trillion valuation, and Bitcoin danced above $118K, soaking in some crypto sunshine. So, while the trade war noise flared up, investors shrugged it off like a bad haircut. Just another day in the bizarre circus of American finance!
Samsung's New Phones Show How Far Ahead China Is on Innovation
Acidly: Samsung just unveiled its latest foldables, the Galaxy Z Fold7 and Z Flip7, boasting “lighter” and “thinner” designs that come with heftier price tags. Yawn. It’s the same tired story we’ve heard for years, while Chinese brands like Honor and Oppo zip past with real innovation. Samsung’s fading crown is hardly a surprise; investors might as well toss their money into the nearest paper shredder—China’s EVs and foldables are where the future lies. Good luck, West; you're going to need it.
Schumer Urges RFK Jr. to Declare Public Health Emergency Over Measles
Acidly: Oh joy, measles is back! In 2025, the US hits a record of over 1,288 cases—who needs polio or smallpox when we have this nostalgic pandemic? Senator Chuck Schumer urged Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to declare a public health emergency. But no, let's not rush into action. Who needs federal funding or tests when you can just let the virus do its thing? Meanwhile, three deaths this year remind us that "eliminated" is just a word. Thanks, West Texas Mennonites! Keep the outbreaks rolling!