Three people killed, including gunman, in separate Kentucky shootings
Acidly: In a tragic classic of “Florida Man”—only this time set in Kentucky—the state welcomes a new hero: Guy House, a criminal with poor target selection. His Sunday spree kicked off by wounding a trooper at Blue Grass Airport, then a casual stroll to a church where he showcased his marksmanship. The result? Three dead, a trooper in recovery, and another sobering reminder of life's unpredictability—with one less threat to society as House took a dirt nap. Bless his heart.
Dow futures drop nearly 200 points after Trump slaps 30% tariff on Mexico and the EU: Live updates
Acidly: Ah, Sunday evening, and Wall Street’s already having its tantrum. Equity futures are plummeting, with the S&P 500 down 0.4% because who doesn’t love a masochistic market? Thanks to Trump’s new 30% tariffs on the EU and Mexico, investors are bracing for inflation to serve them a lovely dinner of pain in the coming week. While major banks prepare to report earnings—who needs good news, right?—the Fed is still in Trump's crosshairs. Let's pop the popcorn for this disaster movie, shall we?
Italy's sunken city returning from the sea
Acidly: Ah, the Bay of Cartaromana, where jagged cliffs loom over sunbathers blissfully unaware of the ancient ruins lying beneath. According to amateur archaeologist Lauro, it took decades and a handful of motivated divers to unearth Ischia’s forgotten Roman quay—because who needs funding when you have a dream? Clearly, the Romans were just too busy with their volcanic drama to leave proper records. So, as tourists gawk at the glass-bottom boats, let's applaud the heroic effort to rediscover history… 2,000 years too late.
The Good Ol'Ads
2025 MLB Draft, First Round Results
Acidly: Ah, the amateur draft: where dreams are born, and potential is wasted. Teams scurry to grab kids like candy, desperate for the next superstar who may or may not fizzle out in A-ball. The Nationals picked Eli Willits; good luck, kid. Meanwhile, the Mets, Yankees, and Dodgers sulked, their punishment for overspending a 10-slot drop—what a tragedy. In summary, 27 million-dollar lottery tickets were picked; let’s see which ones actually turn out. Spoiler: Most won't.
David Zaslav Champions New DC Universe After Superman Box Office Victory
Acidly: Hold on to your capes! Warner Bros. Discovery's Zaslav's crowing about "Superman," which raked in $122 million domestically—practically a miracle after his DC dumpster fire, which included "The Flash" and four other cinematic catastrophes. Zaslav’s new pals, Gunn and Safran, plan a 10-year Comic-Con-inspired strategy. But let’s be real, one big weekend doesn't guarantee a blockbuster legacy. Will Superman crash and burn like his last solo effort? Pop the Champagne, but keep the fire extinguisher handy!
The biggest piece of Mars on Earth is going up for auction in New York
Acidly: Get ready to part with your savings! Sotheby’s is selling a glorified pebble from Mars for $2-4 million. This 54-pound chunk of rock, affectionately dubbed NWA 16788, traveled 140 million miles just to crash on Earth—because who doesn’t want a piece of space rubble? It’s 7% of all Martian material down here, proving even Mars has trash. For $4-6 million you can snag a juvenile Ceratosaurus skeleton, because nothing screams sophistication like a dinosaur’s bones in your living room. Happy bidding, rich folks!
The Good Ol'Ads
Dow futures sink as Trump keeps pushing tariffs while White House suggests Powell's job could be at risk
Acidly: Brace yourself, Wall Street! Trump's tariff tantrums are turning into real threats, and investors are finally waking up. Warning letters flew to the EU and Mexico with a 30% tariff axe hanging above their heads. Meanwhile, the Fed's Powell hangs by a thread, renovated HQ and all. Oh, the drama! Stock futures dive, gold stays flat, and oil does its usual dance. As earnings season approaches, let’s see how much the tariffs really pinch. Spoiler: It won't be pretty. Stay tuned for the economic circus!
Potential iPhone 17 Launch Dates Narrow Down As Apple Prepares To Unveil Four New Models Including The Stunning Ultra-Thin Air And Redesigned Pro Versions
Acidly: Get ready, folks! Apple is once again gearing up to bless the world with yet another iteration of the iPhone—this time, the iPhone 17 lineup. Set to be unveiled the week of September 8, we expect the ultra-thin iPhone 17 Air to be the "star." Shocker! It's almost like the same circus with a new tent. Gurman says Apple likes Tuesdays, but, you know, they might just toss a coin and surprise us with a Wednesday. The excitement is palpable, isn’t it? Can’t wait for the new camera plateau!
Northern Arizona resident dies from plague
Acidly: In the latest episode of "Survival of the Fittest," a resident of northern Arizona dropped dead from pneumonic plague—yes, that plague, the one that wiped out millions centuries ago. Health officials chirped about this shocking rarity, with only seven cases a year in the U.S. A good reminder that while modern medicine is a thing, the bacteria are still lurking, waiting for the next unfortunate soul. So, folks, maybe skip that picnic in plague country? Just a thought.