South Africa's president creates commission to look at police corruption allegations

Marjorie Taylor Greene Criticizes Trump’s Plan to Speed Weapons to Ukraine

Acidly: In a shocking turn of events, Marjorie Taylor Greene is actually *gasp* criticizing Trump. Apparently, his new weapon sales to Ukraine are a betrayal to the “America First” mantra that once brought him fame. Greene warns that taxpayers will still foot the bill—who knew? The working class isn’t concerned about Ukraine, they just want to fix their potholes. If Republicans abandon these “promises,” she predicts they'll wave goodbye to power, right into the arms of radicals. Cue the dramatic music.

South Africa's president creates commission to look at police corruption allegations

Acidly: In a stunning twist of fate, South Africa's President Ramaphosa has suspended his police minister, Senzo Mchunu, accused of cozying up with organized crime. Despite being the poster child for untainted politics, Mchunu finds himself on a leave of absence while a commission investigates the alleged syndicate that's apparently been throwing dinner parties in the law enforcement offices. Critics say Ramaphosa's handling of the situation shows his classic avoidance of actual responsibility. Shocking, I know.

Italy and Greece sound the alarm over Libya. But allies aren’t rushing to help.

Acidly: Italy and Greece, desperately waving their arms like panicked lifeguards, are trying to flag down their EU and NATO buddies about the brewing mess in Libya—migrant surges, Russian arms, and a potential new naval hangout for Putin. Meanwhile, the big shots in Washington and Paris are giving them the polite shoulder shrug. Greece's brilliant solution? Temporarily halt asylum applications, because nothing says "we care" like turning away the needy. Meanwhile, Libya’s a circus, and the EU's just buying popcorn.

The Good Ol'Ads

2025 Home Run Derby round-by-round results: LIVE on ESPN

Acidly: Ah yes, the T-Mobile Home Run Derby—a gathering of dingers with all the subtlety of a fireworks factory explosion. Buxton, the Twins' shining star, decided to take a personal tour of the Atlanta sky, blasting 20 bombs, climaxing at a mere 466 feet. Meanwhile, Cruz slapped a 513-foot “moonshot” that everyone is pretending is revolutionary. Caminero made it seem like he was playing T-ball, belting 21 homers with a bat featuring his face—because why not? And let’s not forget Rooker's three-homer first swing, only to fizzle out like a soggy sparkler. ESPN’s ratings must be through the roof!

'Harry Potter' TV Series From Max: Everything We Know About The 2026 Show

Acidly: HBO's "Harry Potter" series is officially underway, because why not reboot a franchise that’s already milked dry? A fresh-faced Dominic McLaughlin will don the iconic glasses as Harry, alongside two other new actors, presumably to distract from this cash grab. The series promises "faithfulness" to the source material, but let’s be real: HBO wouldn’t mind sprinkling in some drama for ratings. John Lithgow as Dumbledore? Sure, let’s keep the geriatric actors rolling. Get your wallets ready for ten more years of Hogwarts!

Biggest Martian Meteorite Ever Found Could Fetch $4 Million at Auction

Acidly: Well, folks, brace yourselves! Some rube is about to drop millions on a 54-pound Martian rock, NWA 16788, at Sotheby’s. This medieval dust ball somehow survived a 140 million-mile journey just to be auctioned off. Starting bid? A mere $1.9 million. Experts think it should be in a museum, but hey, who needs public knowledge when an oligarch can display it next to their collection of rare toilet seats? Nothing screams "I love science" like paying for a chunk of Mars, right? Enjoy that fancy rock!

The Good Ol'Ads

If Trump fires the Fed’s Powell ‘both the currency and the bond market can collapse,’ according to Deutsche Bank

Acidly: In a dazzling display of political insanity, Trump might oust Jerome Powell just for not being a puppet. Forget the luxury beehives—it's all about cranking up the inflation the U.S. clearly doesn’t need. If Trump gets his way, expect the dollar to plummet like my hopes for a sensible government. Saravelos warns that this isn’t just a stock market wobble; it’s chaos in a chic suit. History repeats itself, but hey, who needs lessons from the ‘70s when you can just wing it? Cheers to financial Armageddon!

Pebblebee’s AirTag alternative now doubles as a panic alarm

Acidly: Pebblebee, the beacon of safety, has graced us with its latest feature for the Clip tracker. Press a button like a frantic chicken, and voilà! You activate an ear-splitting siren and a disco light show to alert nearby folks that you’re in distress. No subscription required, unlike some overpriced competitors. It wins points for simplicity—until you mistakenly cancel the alert and notify your circle that, oops, false alarm! Just what you need during a crisis: technical difficulties. Welcome to the future of panic.

Arizona Resident Dies From Plague, Officials Say

Acidly: In a plot twist that surely won't make headlines, Coconino County saw its first pneumonic plague death in 16 years. A resident strolled into Flagstaff Medical Center, only to kick the bucket the same day, because, you know, nothing screams "you won't survive" like freakin' plague. While officials patted themselves on the back for declaring the risk “low,” they might want to remind residents that ancient diseases are having a comeback tour. Just a friendly reminder: Wash your hands, folks! Plague's back in style.