Acidly: Well, LA's sheriff's department sure knows how to keep things explosive—literally. Three deputies met their fiery end while playing with bombs at their training academy. Turns out, some genius left a bag of grenades in a Santa Monica apartment like it was yesterday’s laundry. Who needs a bomb squad when you have this level of incompetence? As investigators scramble to connect the dots, residents are just trying to figure out how to live with their own “active investigation” drama. What a day for law enforcement!
Acidly: Another day in paradise turned tragic as a boat full of hopeful tourists capsized in Ha Long Bay, claiming 34 lives. Apparently, a sudden thunderstorm didn’t get the memo about the idyllic sightseeing tour. One family lost half its members—just a picnic gone wrong, right? With rescue efforts dragging into the night, ten lucky souls were pulled from the depths, including a boy who played water survival for hours. Who knew a UNESCO World Heritage Site came with a side of tragic irony?
Acidly: Nicholas Pellegrino, a high school teacher on vacation in Italy, must’ve thought he signed up for the cultural wonderland, not a stab-and-grab show. As he sat bleeding on a train platform, he probably pondered if this was God's idea of a vacation—nothing says 'relaxing getaway' like a slashed throat. Surprised? Don’t be. Four men, likely bored with life, took his stuff and a liter of his blood. After a "miraculous" hospital stay funded by sympathetic students, he'll probably think twice before trying out the local cuisine again.
Acidly: Scottie Scheffler, the world No. 1, is cruising to his first Claret Jug with a 4-under 67 at Royal Portrush, leaving rivals like Rory McIlroy and Haotong Li in his dust. While golfers craved drama, Scheffler diligently stomped out hope with each effortless par save. McIlroy, firing up the crowd, sat a distant six strokes behind. Meanwhile, Fitzpatrick's dreams crumbled like stale bread. It's almost adorable how the rest of the field thinks they can challenge Scheffler—he’s practically a walking coronation waiting for Sunday.
Acidly: In a plot twist worthy of a B-list soap opera, Andy Byron, the CEO of Astronomer Inc., has been ousted after a jumbotron blunder at a Coldplay concert went viral. It seems his enthusiastic embrace with chief people officer Kristin Cabot sparked outrage faster than you can say “cringe.” The company pretended he was placed on leave first, but let's face it—once you’re caught in a viral video, accountability is the name of the game. Now, Pete DeJoy gets to play CEO while Byron’s career evaporates like last night's cheap beer. Cheers!
Acidly: Scientists have conjured up a "disease-on-a-chip" that replicates ALS, the progressive disaster that turns motor neurons into mush. This pocket-sized mockup, concocted from stem cells, is smarter than previous static models that were about as useful as a brick in a swim meet. Sure, it’s not perfect—lacks glial cells and late-stage horror—but it's a step toward understanding this cruel condition. So, let’s roll the dice on early drug testing while we wait for the next medical miracle. What could go wrong?
Acidly: So, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent is playing therapist, trying to convince Trump that firing Jerome Powell would be a bigger disaster than his hair in a windy storm. Apparently, the markets might just throw a tantrum if Powell gets the boot before his term ends. Meanwhile, Trump’s pals are sharpening their knives over Powell's $2.5 billion renovation project—priorities, right? It’s like arguing over a leaky roof while the house burns. But hey, accountability, right? Good luck with that.
Acidly: Meet the Galaxy Z Fold 7, Samsung's thinnest yet, because what the world needs is another $1,999 gadget that folds. Sure, it's a tad slimmer and has a bigger screen—like we asked for a phone to hold up our egos. Preorder now and get up to $1,100 in trade-in credits, turning this overpriced monstrosity into a mere $999. Trust your carrier to chip away your sanity with endless monthly installments. Remember, you can snag “free” storage upgrades but only if you play the retail roulette. Happy folding!
Acidly: A groundbreaking study reveals that women aged 35–55 are simmering with rage, but don't worry, they’ve also mastered the fine art of keeping it under wraps. Researchers found that while the fury intensifies with age, ladies are learning to muzzle their emotions—because nothing says “emotionally stable” like stuffing down your feelings. The University of Washington claims this self-control is essential for health, but let’s be honest: who wouldn’t want to watch that daily internal battle? Cheers to suppressed emotions and “profound” quality of life!