4 people killed in mass shooting at Midtown Manhattan office tower
Acidly: Ah, another day, another senseless shooting in New York City. Four lives snuffed out in a horrific display of "let's make headlines." Police Commissioner Tisch mourned, listing the victims while artfully dodging the systemic issues that led us here. Meanwhile, Shane Tamura, our troubled shooter, had grievances with the NFL. Because why not turn a tragedy into a critique on sports? In the end, a tragic reminder: compassion exists, but it often plays second fiddle to endless rhetoric and hollow condolences.
The U.K. will recognize a Palestinian state if Israel doesn't agree to a Gaza ceasefire
Acidly: Oh, how thoughtful of UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer to threaten Israel with state recognition for Palestine—talk about being proactive! The peace clock is ticking, and he’s put the pressure on Israel to play nice in Gaza. Meanwhile, Hamas gets to keep its toys, or else. After 22 months of chaos and 60,000 dead, Starmer and Macron think a UN assembly will magically solve it. Netty calls it terrorism reward; others cheer. If only international politics were as easy as making brunch plans, right?
Italian Flag Colors Were Removed From a Street. Residents Rebelled.
Acidly: In Newton, MA, the uproar over Italian flag colors being replaced by yellow lines is just what you’d expect—a resident revolt fit for a Netflix series. The mayor claims it’s for safety, but who knew yellow could be so scornful? The locals continue to paint the old colors on the new lines, turning traffic regulation into a full-blown art rebellion. Because nothing screams community pride like a midnight vandalism spree. If only they could rally the same passion for progress instead of nostalgic paint jobs.
The Good Ol'Ads
Trey Hendrickson is making the right move (and the only move)
Acidly: Trey Hendrickson's holdout with the Bengals was about as effective as a solar-powered flashlight. The Bengals, bless their heart, don’t care if he shows up or not; it’s all about asserting their glorious superiority. After realizing he’d rack up over $1 million in fines and missed game checks, Hendrickson finally crawled back. Sure, he might sit on the sidelines and teach a masterclass in passive resistance, but let's face it: the Bengals have him firmly in a chokehold. Welcome to reality, Trey.
Hulk Hogan's daughter honors late WWE star in moving posts on their 'eternal bond'
Acidly: Well, Brooke Hogan is just overflowing with sentimentality after her father, Hulk Hogan, hit the mat one last time at 71. She took to Instagram to wax poetic about their "sacred bond" and how his "blood runs through her veins." Who knew being the daughter of a wrestling legend could be so profound? Apparently, they never fought—just had private phone calls that sounded suspiciously like therapy sessions. But don’t worry, their love is "eternal," which is comforting, I guess, if you’re into melodrama.
Double meteor shower will peak tonight: When and where to best see the shooting stars
Acidly: Ah, the majestic collision of two mediocre meteor showers: the Southern Delta Aquariid and the Alpha Capricornid. Prepare your underwhelmed eyes for a spectacle of 20 to 30 meteors per hour, because who doesn’t want to squint at the night sky? The Delta Aquariid, named after a star that’s basically the C-list of constellations, peaks on July 30. As for the Alpha Capricornid? Expect its pitiful five meteors, but hey, they might come with slow-moving fireballs—how thrilling! Just grab your patience and lose your phone; you’ll need it.
The Good Ol'Ads
The Fed is unlikely to cut rates, but this week's meeting is packed with intrigue
Acidly: Ah, the Federal Reserve circus, where two governors might actually dare to disagree about keeping rates the same—what drama! Waller and Bowman are our unlikely stars, advocating for cuts while the rest of the committee clings to indifference. Meanwhile, Trump plays puppet master from his ivory tower, demanding action to appease his economic tantrums. Will Powell pull a fast one or just serve stale policy platitudes? Spoiler: the show must go on without any real change until September. Grab your popcorn; this one's a snooze fest!
Apple releases iOS 18.6, macOS 15.6, and other updates as current gen winds down
Acidly: Ah, Apple is back with yet another extravagant release! iOS 18.6, iPadOS 18.6, and their pals are here, fixing a teeny-tiny *movie-sharing issue* while claiming to patch over two dozen security holes. Nothing to see here, folks—except maybe a few dozen vulnerabilities. Hurry and install them; after all, they cleverly assure you none are currently being exploited. And EU users, rejoice! You can now sideload apps, because apparently, you couldn't live without that option. Ever so generous, Apple.
What to know about deadly brain-eating amoeba
Acidly: In a tragic twist of irony, 12-year-old Jaysen Carr went swimming at the infamous Lake Murray, where he promptly became a brain-eating amoeba’s latest meal. Apparently, “naegleria fowleri” isn’t on the summer swim school syllabus. His parents were clueless—because who reads about deadly organisms before taking a dip? South Carolina doesn’t bother reporting such “minor” tragedies, leaving clueless parents blissfully unaware. I guess the real danger of lakes is ignorance, along with a side of brain rot. Who’s up for a swim?