Devil's Den murder suspect James Andrew McGann was North Texas elementary teacher
Acidly: In a not-so-shocking twist of fate, 28-year-old Andrew James McGann, a future teacher and current murder suspect, decided that hiking with a family in Arkansas needed a little more thrill—like, say, stabbing them. The couple's two daughters escaped, undoubtedly scarred for life. Meanwhile, Arkansas law enforcement pretends they have their act together after tips flooded in from as far away as Washington. Newsflash: teachers aren’t meant to hone their skills on murder. But hey, at least he passed his background checks. Bravo.
Fact Sheet: President Donald J. Trump Further Modifies the Reciprocal Tariff Rates
Acidly: In a stunning twist, President Trump has bravely decided that tariffs are the ultimate key to saving America from those mean foreign nations ripping us off. With the stroke of a pen, he’s modified tariffs, promising to turn our economy around while making every country tremble in fear. Because, you know, nothing screams ‘global cooperation’ like slapping surprise taxes on your trading partners. And if they build plants here, no tariffs—because who doesn’t love to kiss the ground of American soil? Buckle up, economy!
Fed-up Italian farmers set up mountain turnstiles to charge access to Instagram hot spots
Acidly: Carlo Zanella wants the Dolomites to ban travel influencers. He believes the Insta-crazed masses, trampling on private land for that perfect selfie, are ruining the mountains. Farmers, wanting a taste of the tourist pie, have set up turnstiles, charging 5 euros just to snap another generic view. Meanwhile, Italian towns are cracking down on bad behavior—from shirtless wanderers to barefoot beachgoers. Welcome to Italy, where the picturesque landscape comes with a hefty ticket price and a side of absurdity. Enjoy your visit!
The Good Ol'Ads
MLB trade deadline grades for every team: Yankees, Mets prep for stretch run, Padres go big, Red Sox fall flat
Acidly: The 2025 MLB trade deadline saw teams shuffling like it's a clearance sale at a thrift store. The Padres aced their deals, while the Braves acquired barely scraped-off leftovers. The Phillies nabbed a shiny closer, while the Orioles went full-on "I don't know what I'm doing" mode. Giants seem lost; Cubs did the bare minimum for a playoff push. The Astros scored Correa back—because nostalgia trumps logic. Meanwhile, the Guardians were busy saving pennies instead of their season. Good luck, fans!
Justin Timberlake reveals Lyme disease diagnosis
Acidly: Oh, look! Justin Timberlake's back in the spotlight, this time for having Lyme disease. What a twist! While wrapping up his “Forget Tomorrow” tour—most famous for his occasional flu excuses—he decided to spill the beans to his fans about his tick-borne torment. But hey, prioritizing performing over health is so rock ‘n’ roll, right? Clearly, all those “special moments” outweigh some little nerve pain and fatigue. If only his singing could hit the same high notes as his drama.
SpaceX, NASA scrub Crew-11 astronaut launch due to weather (video)
Acidly: CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In a thrilling twist of fate, SpaceX decided to postpone the highly-anticipated Crew-11 launch because of some pesky cumulus clouds. Yes, NASA's entire astronaut squad was ready, but apparently, clouds are now the new gatekeepers of space travel. “Safety first,” we’re told. Next launch? Just wait a couple of days while we all stare at the sky. Can't wait for the dramatic showdown between rocket and cloud. Spoiler: the cloud wins—again. Space travel, everyone! Just a breeze away.
The Good Ol'Ads
Amazon's gloomy earnings forecast overshadows better-than-expected results
Acidly: Amazon's stock plunged over 7% in after-hours trading, because who doesn't love a good panic attack after posting decent earnings? CEO Andy Jassy confidently assured investors the cloud is fine, despite competition breathing down their necks. They reported $167.7 billion in revenue—great, until you see the lukewarm guidance for operating income that left Wall Street clutching their pearls. And while ad revenue soared, let’s not forget even a giant can stumble against AI and market rivals. Don’t worry, Jassy will absorb those costs... right?
Battlefield 6's Godot-powered UGC mode is the heart of EA's big live service swing for the series
Acidly: EA, fresh from the dumpster fire that was Battlefield 2042, is back with Battlefield 6. Their latest plan? Attempt to fuse nostalgia with a live-service model that screams “money grab!” They want 100 million players to join in a chaotic 2027 war, because who doesn’t love aiming at pixels instead of actual objectives? With "Battlefield Portal," players can customize like it’s Fortnite—because creativity couldn’t possibly go wrong. Let's hope this "Battlefield universe" doesn’t end like its predecessor: in ruins.
CDC Says Childhood Vaccination Rates Have Dropped Again
Acidly: In a stunning plot twist more predictable than a low-budget horror film, kindergarten vaccine rates among American kids are plummeting, and it’s all thanks to our collective intelligence deciding vaccines are just suggestions. While measles—once eradicated—makes a comeback like your uncle at Thanksgiving, experts are having a lively panic party. Blame it on the anti-vax crowd and our illustrious health secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who’s busy playing vaccine whack-a-mole. Because who wouldn’t want to gamble with their child’s health?