Trump nominates ex-Fox host Tammy Bruce as deputy UN ambassador
Acidly: In a move that screams “what could possibly go wrong?” Trump has thrown Tammy Bruce, the ex-Fox News mouthpiece, into the UN ring as his Deputy Representative. Sure, she’s spent more than two decades bashing liberals on TV, but who needs diplomatic finesse when you can charm with "Feelings Over Facts"? Trump gushes she’s done a “fantastic job” in her role, which apparently means defending every disastrous policy he’s cooked up. Get ready, UN – the spectacles are about to get very, very loud.
London police arrest 466 people for backing banned Palestine Action group
Acidly: In a spectacular display of British irony, 466 people were arrested in London for protesting the proscription of Palestine Action, now chillingly lumped with the likes of ISIS. While the police thanked themselves for their crackdown, the 80-year-old protestor reminded us that numbers matter—she wanted 500 peaceful souls, but had to settle for scuffles and chaos. Meanwhile, Amnesty International yelled, “Hey, remember freedom of expression?” But who cares? Everyone loves a strict government, especially when it's crushing dissent. Such fun!
Italy is reviving plans for a bridge connecting Sicily to the mainland. Will it work?
Acidly: Italy is back at it again! The government finally approved the Strait of Messina Bridge—a project (now slated for 2026) that’s been kicking around since 1971 like a bad penny. Costing a whopping €13.5 billion, funded by a public that's probably got better things to spend on, it promises to be the world’s longest suspension bridge—or the longest construction saga, take your pick. Locals chant “No Ponte” while engineers plan for seismic chaos and salty air. Hope they’re ready to build it twice—once for the bridge and once for the letdown!
The Good Ol'Ads
Mariano Rivera tears Achilles in Yankees Old-Timers’ Day game and needs surgery
Acidly: The New York Yankees’ Old-Timers’ Day turned tragic when 55-year-old Mariano Rivera, perhaps mistaking the event for “Try Not to Ruin Your Life,” tore his Achilles chasing a flyball. Because why wouldn’t a Hall of Famer risk it all in front of legends like Andy Pettitte and a stadium full of nostalgia? His agent promises surgery soon—sweet relief! Meanwhile, Roger Clemens is left baffled, thinking it was just a hamstring. Who knew playing baseball in your prime could be this dangerous at 55? Ah, memories!
Box Office: ‘Weapons’ Winning With $18.2 Million Opening Day, ‘Freakier Friday’ in Second With $12.7 Million
Acidly: In Hollywood's never-ending game of musical chairs, “Weapons” trounces “Freakier Friday” at the box office like a child at recess. With a $18.2 million debut, it’s the horror film that dreams are made of—at least for those who find joy in kids mysteriously vanishing. Meanwhile, Disney's “Freakier Friday,” with its $12.7 million, reunites the aging duo of Lohan and Curtis; they’re definitely not body swapping their way to relevance. The real tragedy? “The Fantastic Four” is out there bleeding out with a 62% drop. Please, Marvel, just give us a break.
4 space station fliers return to Earth with Pacific Ocean splashdown
Acidly: In a stunning display of human ingenuity, four astronauts made a thrilling entry back to Earth, hitting the Pacific Ocean like a poorly thrown dart. After five entire months in the zero-gravity paradise, they realized Earth’s “pull” is overrated—who needs it anyway? With 17,000 mph adrenaline surging, they went from interstellar darlings to splashdown champs in record time. As SpaceX hurled their capsule into the water, it was just another casual Saturday for the crew swiping left on the International Space Station. Bravo, team!
The Good Ol'Ads
Crypto may be coming to 401(k) plans, but it’ll be a while before it’s easily accessible
Acidly: In a move reminiscent of your uncle's half-baked investment ideas, Trump just signed an executive order allowing retirement plans to include cryptocurrencies. Pop the confetti, right? Not so fast. Employers still need to embrace this chaotic frontier, and good luck explaining to them why putting your retirement in meme coins is a good idea. Experts warn it's riskier than betting on your cat to win a marathon. So while Uncle Sam dabbles in digital assets, your retirement could still end up in the cryptocurrency dumpster. Cheers!
A magical farming sim, cat museum exploration and other new indie games worth checking out
Acidly: Ah, the indie game scene: where dreams are birthed and delayed like clockwork. This week, Nintendo’s Indie World showcased everything from the puzzling “Is This Seat Taken?” to the “cozy” farming sim “Ritual of Raven,” which is surprisingly anything but. Oh, and let’s not forget the ennui of delayed titles like “Out and About” — plot twist: it’s about nature. Meanwhile, Atari is dusting off relics to slap new labels on them. Bravo, innovation. If only we could publish excuses in the eShop instead.
New COVID variant 'Stratus' is spreading in the U.S. and worldwide: What are the symptoms?
Acidly: Oh joy, yet another COVID variant, this time dubbed “Stratus” or XFG, because we clearly needed more confusion. First spotted in Southeast Asia, it’s now the third most common in the U.S. after achieving a meteoric rise from a whopping 0% to 14%. CDC says it’s low risk, so fear not! Symptoms? Just your run-of-the-mill COVID stuff, with hoarseness thrown in for flair. So, if you’re still hunting for health concerns, keep hunting; XFG won’t give you anything special. Enjoy your summer!