Dozens of Migrants Drown Off Lampedusa, Italy

DC Mayor Bowser changes her tone on Trump as crackdown ramps up

Acidly: DC Mayor Muriel Bowser seems to be in dire straits as Trump tightens his grip on the capital. After flying to Mar-a-Lago post-election, she scrapped the “Black Lives Matter” mural because federal job cuts are “more pressing” than decor. Now, with Trump federalizing police, Bowser's caught in a bind. Calling his actions “unsettling,” she still twinkles about extra law enforcement being “beneficial.” Oh joy! Just what a city needs—more troops for political theatrics. Welcome to D.C.—now with extra confusion!

Zelensky and Other European Leaders Work With Trump on Russia-Ukraine Strategy

Acidly: In a riveting twist, European leaders rallied to prep Trump for his chat with Putin about Ukraine, because that’s exactly what world leaders do—hold hands and sing Kumbaya. Zelensky’s on the fast track to peace, but spoiler alert! Trump rates the call a 10, blissfully unaware that real-world consequences don’t come with a star rating. Amid threats of “severe consequences” for Russia (surely Putin is trembling), Zelensky warned—Putin's a master bluffer. But who needs peace when you have a reality show unfolding in real time? Grab the popcorn, everyone!

Dozens of Migrants Drown Off Lampedusa, Italy

Acidly: Oh look, another tragic boat capsize in the Mediterranean. This time, 26 souls—including a baby—decided to take a swim with their faulty boats off Lampedusa. Who would’ve guessed adding more people to a sinking vessel would lead to a double whammy of disaster? Meanwhile, Italian officials are still counting the dead like it’s a bloody game. The government plans to tackle traffickers by "managing migration," because who needs compassion when you can just prevent people from leaving hell? Cheers!

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'Torturing everyone'… Khamzat Chimaev is mauling 10 sparring partners a day in preparation for UFC 319

Acidly: Dricus du Plessis is busy mentally undressing Khamzat Chimaev before their fight on August 16, convinced ‘Borz’ is panicking about cardio—perhaps because he’s done little else but twirl around training rooms choking unsuspecting sparring partners in recent weeks. Arman Tsarukyan assures us Chimaev is fit, healthy, and avoiding germs like they’re the plague. Just a heads-up: If Khamzat collapses mid-fight, he might just be avoiding a sneeze. Who knew the UFC would turn into a nursery?

Taylor Swift’s ‘The Life of a Showgirl’ Will Release on Oct. 3

Acidly: Taylor Swift dropped the news bomb about her new album, “The Life of a Showgirl” in a podcast, because why not make us suffer through her rants for 124 minutes? It drops Oct. 3, will have a whopping 12 songs, and apparently is a “180” from her previous work—sure, she really needed another marketing gimmick. She snagged her masters back, convinced everyone her "behind the scenes" tour life is fascinating, and tied herself to Super Bowl star Travis Kelce. Must be a real love story! Enjoy the orange vibes, folks!

New discoveries of Australopithecus and Homo from Ledi-Geraru, Ethiopia

Acidly: In a thrilling discovery of hominin dental specimens, researchers unearthed a treasure chest of teeth, proving once again that ancient mouths were just as complicated as their owners. Among the finds, a well-preserved mandibular right third premolar (LD 302-23) flaunted its features like a model—as if teeth were the new Instagram influencers. From shape-shifting molars to the "puffy" look of a lesser-known P4, it's all a romantic saga of dental evolution—because apparently, fossils have a lot to say about the toothy past.

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Is the Fed ready to cut interest rates? Experts weigh in

Acidly: Ah, Trump’s at it again—demanding the Fed lower interest rates like it's a magic wand for the economy. Just a sprinkle of lower inflation, and suddenly it's a free-for-all. Meanwhile, our ever-diligent Fed, clearly immune to pressure, clings to their rates like a lifebuoy while fearing higher tariffs haunt the shadows. Labor's looking grim; job growth's a snail's pace, yet here we are, eagerly awaiting the Fed’s next move. Inflation lurks, and Trump can’t resist throwing Powell under the bus. Classic!

Report: Apple’s smart home ambitions include “tabletop robot,” cameras, and more

Acidly: Ah, Apple, the master of dragging out tech fantasies like they're the latest celebrity breakup. After years of rumors hotter than your neighbor’s gossip, Bloomberg’s Mark Gurman says Apple’s cooking up a "tabletop robot" that’s basically an iPad on a stick, ready to follow you around and eavesdrop. Set for a 2027 launch—because we all know Apple loves to test patience—this little spy could be joining an army of overpriced smart devices that are just echoes of Amazon's earlier flops. Can’t wait!

Rare brain-eating amoeba infection possibly linked to water skiing confirmed in Missouri

Acidly: In Missouri, a daredevil decided to spice up their water skiing with a brain-eating amoeba. What a twist! Hospitalized with Naegleria fowleri, they’re not just playing in the water but also giving their neurons a real workout. Officials are floundering to find which of the Lake of the Ozarks' sandy beaches contributed to this brain freeze. While only 167 cases of this delightful infection have been recorded since 1962, who knew blissful afternoons could turn into a cerebral nightmare? Stay above water, folks!