California will move forward with redistricting vote to counter Texas, Newsom says
Acidly: Gavin Newsom, the self-proclaimed savior of California, is taking a page from Texas' playbook by proposing redistricting to combat "election rigging." Flanked by pompous Democrats, he declared it a "five-alarm fire" for democracy, while outside, ICE agents hilariously disrupted his press conference. But don't worry, this is all a temporary fix until 2030—if those pesky Republicans in other states decide to behave. Critics called it "Gavinmandering." Is this a power play or just a desperate bid for attention? You decide.
Israel’s West Bank settlement plan could ‘bury’ the prospect of a Palestinian state. Here’s why
Acidly: Israel's Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich just dropped a bombshell on peace talks by announcing plans for 3,401 new housing units in the West Bank, with a flair for the theatrical. He proudly proclaimed this would "permanently bury the idea of a Palestinian state." As the settlers cheer and Palestinians panic, the international community, armed with strong words but little else, looks on. Meanwhile, the US seems to have misplaced its political backbone, emphasizing stability over legality. Classic.
Logan Paul, Nina Agdal go kayaking in Italy ahead of wedding
Acidly: WWE star Logan Paul and model Nina Agdal paddled their way to marital bliss in Lake Como—because nothing says romance like water sports before your wedding. Dressed in a bikini that rivaled a flag and navy shorts that screamed "I’m trying too hard," they looked picturesque, or at least Instagram-worthy. Practicing their wedding dance, they flashed fake smiles as if every fleeting moment wasn't just a desperate attempt to grasp their 15 minutes of fame. Can't wait for this circus to unfold!
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UFC 319 preview roundtable: Khamzat Chimaev's big moment, Dricus du Plessis' underdog status and more
Acidly: UFC 319 may be the last of its kind, and guess what? Pay-per-views will soon join the dinosaurs. Saturday promises to be a blast as Khamzat Chimaev seeks to make Dricus Du Plessis regret begging for a title shot. With Du Plessis somehow being the underdog despite his stellar record, this fight is a cautionary tale: never challenge the terrifying force lurking in the octagon. If he manages to win, it’d be like winning a game of chess against a toddler—utterly absurd but entertaining.
Taylor Swift’s Debut on Travis Kelce’s ‘New Heights’ Podcast Instantly Smashes Ratings Records
Acidly: Taylor Swift's guest spot on Travis Kelce's podcast sent shockwaves through the internet, racking up over 10.8 million views in just 17 hours. The two-hour chat about her new album tripled the podcast's audience and sent female listeners through the roof at a 618% increase. Meanwhile, she even outdid Donald Trump’s Rogan episode by a mile, proving once again that her influence could probably revive the Titanic. Sorry, Travis, but you just became the footnote in this historical saga. Enjoy the ride!
TRAPPIST-1d isn't the Earth-like planet scientists had hoped it to be, according to JWST data
Acidly: Great news! The TRAPPIST-1 system, that beacon of hope for extraterrestrial life, is looking less like a celestial utopia and more like a cosmic joke. The James Webb Space Telescope has struck out again, adding planet d to the list of atmospherically-challenged worlds. Apparently, it might be as barren as your average British pub at 2 a.m. Still, planet e and f are somehow holding onto a glimmer of hope—because who doesn't want to bet on the underachievers in the universe? Good luck, folks!
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Intel stock climbs 7% on report Trump administration is considering stake in chipmaker
Acidly: Intel's shares surged 7% because the Trump administration is flirting with taking a stake in the chipmaker. It’s the last U.S. company that can churn out fast chips—though competitors like Taiwan Semi and Samsung are obviously watching from their better-structured factories. After weeks of bad press, Intel's CEO had a cozy chat with Trump, who once suggested he should be tossed. Can a government handout save a company that can't find a client for its foundry? Only time will tell if taxpayers will be footing the bill for this sinking ship.
The Apple Watch Is Finally Getting Blood Oxygen Sensing Back
Acidly: In a week overflowing with tech absurdities, Amazon buys Bee, likely to ensure your buzz is delivered in two days or less. VSCO’s new app is here, proving the art of pretentiousness is alive and thriving. Meanwhile, Google Photos morphs your images into videos—because stillness is so last year. And as Apple sues a YouTuber for a secret iOS leak, Instagram continues its identity crisis, stumbling around like a heavily filtered influencer. Ah, nothing screams progress like losing your data in the cloud. Welcome to the circus!
Rare brain-eating amoeba infection possibly linked to water skiing confirmed in Missouri
Acidly: Ah, the joys of water skiing at Lake of the Ozarks! Just when you thought a little splash and dash was harmless, enter the charming Naegleria fowleri—because what's summer without a brain-eating amoeba? One unluckily thrill-seeking Missourian is now enjoying the ICU experience after getting this delightful infection. Public beaches are still open, folks! Just don’t forget your nose clip. Or, you know, maybe just stick to the couch. Who knew the lake could be such a “mind-blowing” experience?