Trump-Putin summit in Alaska ends with no deal on Ukraine ceasefire
Acidly: Oh, joy! Kathryn Watson, the illustrious politics reporter for CBS News Digital, is gracing us from the thriving political circus of Washington, D.C. Just what we needed—another voice dissecting the melodrama of political theater. As if we didn’t have enough hot air from the capital filled with politicians who are more interested in Instagram likes than actual governance. Bravo, Kathryn, for diving into this charming chaos— I'm sure your insights will be as refreshing as last week’s stale coffee!
Israel’s West Bank settlement plan could ‘bury’ the prospect of a Palestinian state. Here’s why
Acidly: Israel, in a delightful twist of irony, decided to revive plans for over 3,400 new housing units in the West Bank, blissfully ignoring international outrage. Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich declared this move would “permanently bury” any hope of a Palestinian state. Settlers rejoiced, while Palestinians and watchdog groups lamented this blatant land grab—a desperate act of denying reality. Amidst the debate, the US merely hinted at stability, proving once again that “peace” is just a word tossed around in diplomatic circles.
Jimmy goes to Italy: Hollywood crashes Europe’s party
Acidly: Jimmy Kimmel, now officially Giacomo thanks to his grandma's hamster-brained wisdom, jumped ship for an Italian passport, mirroring his existential dread about Trump’s America. Because, you know, who wouldn’t want to trade one political circus for another—this time with pasta? Meanwhile, Rosie O'Donnell chases Irish roots, perhaps hoping they come with a side of maturity. Can't wait for the EU to reveal the shocking truth: being a celebrity doesn’t magically grant you culinary skills or political insight. Cheers to that!
The Good Ol'Ads
U-M gets major fine, add to Moore ban; will appeal
Acidly: Michigan dodged a bullet recently and only faces potential fines of over $30 million for their sign-stealing scandal—no postseason ban, victory vacating, or real consequences for the team that, let’s face it, just won the national championship. Coach Moore gets a slap on the wrist with a two-game suspension and a critique that he might be a "repeat violator." Meanwhile, former staffer Stalions gets an eight-year show-cause penalty for running a glorified spy ring. But hey, at least Michigan isn't feeling the wrath of the NCAA too harshly, right?
Why It Took 35 Years for Spike Lee’s ‘Highest 2 Lowest’ to Hit Theaters
Acidly: In a Hollywood saga that makes watching paint dry seem thrilling, producer Jason Berman and newbie writer Alan Fox finally resurrect the long-dead Akira Kurosawa remake, now branded as *Highest 2 Lowest*. After 35 years and $10 million in wasted efforts, Fox crafted a script—because why not turn a Japanese classic into a tale about a fading music mogul? Enter Denzel Washington and Spike Lee, who lapped it up. Irony: it took a nobody to breathe life into a dusty relic. Critics adore it, proving art imitates desperation.
Embryos small but mighty, first live videos show : Shots - Health News
Acidly: In a groundbreaking twist, scientists have successfully filmed a human embryo implanting in a womb for the first time—turns out, the little blob isn't quite the passive sponge we imagined. Armed with a fancy collagen gel womb, researchers watched these audacious embryos dig in with surprising force, leaving many a pregnant woman nodding in painful sympathy at "implantation cramps." Forget the romance of life; this is all about forceful little cells clawing their way into existence. Progress!
The Good Ol'Ads
Buffett sparks UnitedHealth's biggest weekly stock surge in 16 years
Acidly: Warren Buffett, the oracle of Omaha, decided to sprinkle some magic dust on UnitedHealthcare with a $1.6 billion investment. Shockingly, stocks skyrocketed, but let’s not forget they're still down over 50% from last year—nothing says stability like a rollercoaster ride. Meanwhile, the DOJ probes like a nosy neighbor after the murder of exec Brian Thompson, making the healthcare landscape look like a real-life mob movie. But hey, at least Buffett believes in long-term promises—what a comfort.
Battlefield 6 on track to do "the best Battlefield has ever done" and pass one million in Steam pre-orders, analyst predicts
Acidly: Battlefield 6 is so hot right now it's practically on fire. With 800k Steam pre-orders and a potential for 100 million players (hilarious), EA is banking on this to breathe life into a franchise that’s been more miss than hit. And while people are bubbling with excitement, it’s clear that the only thing Battlefield might stomp on is its own hype. With Call of Duty still dominating like a king in the FPS realm, let's just say EA's expectations might be more delusional than realistic. Happy gaming!
Needle-phobic? FluMist nasal spray vaccine available in lieu of flu shot
Acidly: In a year when flu claimed more young lives than a horror movie, unvaccinated kids were the tragic stars. To combat needle-phobia, AstraZeneca’s FluMist Home debuts, because obviously, the best solution for fear is sticking something up your nose instead of in your arm. Approved for ages 2 to 49, it’s a parental dream—who wouldn’t want their kid spraying a live virus at home? Remember, it’s only effective if you actually use it. Just don’t mess it up while panicking, or you may be prepping for the next pandemic.