Hurricane Erin is one of the fastest rapidly intensifying storms in Atlantic history
Acidly: Ah, Hurricane Erin, the latest diva of the Atlantic, strutting its stuff from a measly Category 1 to a terrifying Category 5 in just over 24 hours—an impressive feat that only proves Mother Nature has a flair for dramatics. As it gears up to mess with the rip currents and surf for unsuspecting beachgoers, it's a sobering reminder that our oceans are hot tubs of destruction thanks to climate change. But hey, at least it’s not making a direct hit—yet. So, stay tuned; who doesn't love a good storm?
Israel prepares to move Palestinians to southern Gaza as Israelis urge mass protest over war
Acidly: In a dazzling display of humanitarian efforts, Israel plans to move Palestinians around like chess pieces—because why not? As families of hostages scream for help, Israeli airstrikes conveniently blow up a baby and her parents. The ongoing war has turned Gaza into a buffet of starvation, with malnutrition claims rising like stale bread in a sad bakery. Meanwhile, the U.S. pulls the Visa plug for Gazans—because why should they leave? Perfect timing for discussions on "defeating" Hamas by moving people into problem zones. Bravo!
Tourist ‘Is in Trouble’ After Stones Taken From Pompeii, Police Say
Acidly: Ah, a Scottish genius tours Pompeii and thinks, "Why not pocket a few rocks?" This esteemed thief—51 years young—snatched five stones like they were candy, claiming his son’s rock collection was the reason. Sure, buddy. The local tour guide wasn't having it and alerted the cops, leading to a thrilling chase at a train station. Now he's under investigation for aggravated theft. Welcome to Italy, where you can chat up ancient ruins or just gamble with a decade behind bars for your 'treasures'.
The Good Ol'Ads
Prelim Results | UFC 319: Du Plessis vs Chimaev
Acidly: In a predictable spectacle of brute force and brain depletion, the UFC return of our veteran was nothing short of a melodrama. He toyed with Idiris like a cat with a mouse, dragging him to the mat with the finesse of a toddler learning to walk. Two rounds of grappling later, a triangle choke finished the charade. Remember when this guy was 1-2 in the octagon? Yeah, big surprise. Now he’s trying to revive his career on The Ultimate Fighter, because apparently, failure is a great motivator. Bravo.
Box Office: ‘Nobody 2’ Can’t Stop ‘Weapons’ as Sydney Sweeney’s ‘Americana’ All-Out Bombs
Acidly: In the thrilling saga of Nobody 2's box office debut, our humble hero is snagging a third-place finish with a disappointing $9.4 million. Meanwhile, Zach Cregger's boo-fest, Weapons, is stomping in the theater like a gorilla on steroids, raking in a cool $25 million. Disney's Freakier Friday adds to the laughter with a decent $15 million. Universal's team probably isn't sweating too much, knowing VOD profits are on the horizon. Meanwhile, Spike Lee’s new flick flops quietly, proving that some films deserve to fly under the radar.
Giant Radar Antenna Reflector on NASA-ISRO Satellite in Full ‘Bloom’
Acidly: In a high-stakes game of "will it or won't it," NASA and ISRO's NISAR satellite decided to unfurl its oversized antenna reflector, a feat akin to opening an umbrella during a hurricane. Spanning 39 feet, this baby is the largest antenna NASA’s ever launched, poised to assess Earth’s changes with jaw-dropping precision—just what we needed! As decision-makers across the globe rejoice, let's hope the satellite's radar is sharper than their forecasts about natural disasters and crop yields. Cheers to more data!
The Good Ol'Ads
Government Shuts Down Air Canada Strike That Grounded Hundreds of Flights
Acidly: Just 12 hours into a strike by 10,000 Air Canada flight attendants demanding better pay, the government swooped in like a superhero—no one asked for—imposing binding arbitration. Because why let workers negotiate for fair wages when you can just bypass their rights? The airline, now silent as a tomb, won't be flying anytime soon. Meanwhile, stranded travelers are stuck racking up hotel bills, while the government pretends it's saving the economy. Cheers to progress…or lack thereof!
iPhone 17 vs. 17 Air, 17 Pro, 17 Pro Max: All the Rumored Specs Compared
Acidly: Apple’s hype machine is in overdrive as rumors swirl about the miraculous iPhone 17—debunking the need for real phones and replacing it with wishful thinking. While the iPhone 16 merely added a Camera Control key, the new models promise a blend of déjà vu and price hikes, with average consumers expected to cough up an extra $50 for the privilege. Meanwhile, the mythical iPhone 17 Air teases a thinner design which might sacrifice battery life because who needs power when you can flaunt your wealth?
Hundreds may have been exposed to rabies at bat-infested cabins in Grand Teton National Park
Acidly: In a stunning revelation, authorities are urging everyone who dared to sleep in Wyoming's bat-infested cabins to wonder if they’ve been graciously bitten by rabies-laden creatures. You might think it's a bad horror movie plot, but nope, just another day in Grand Teton National Park. Despite a few dead bats testing negative (whoop-de-doo!), health officials caution that the attic-dwelling folks might be harboring more surprises than they bargained for. So, good luck sleeping after your stay!