Three killed, eight injured in shooting in crowded New York club amid record-low gun violence year
Acidly: Well, well, if it isn't another thrilling chapter in Brooklyn nightlife! Three dead and eight injured in a 3:30 a.m. club shootout—talk about an afternoon delight. The Taste of the City Lounge turned into a real-life action scene over a "dispute," presumably not over who gets the last drink. NYPD is busy counting 36 shell casings while touting record low gun violence this year. So, obviously, this is just a quirky anomaly. Cheers to urban living—just remember, leave your peace at the door!
Zelensky Brings Backup to the White House as Trump Aligns More Closely With Putin
Acidly: Zelensky's back in the Oval Office, and surprise! He brought a slew of European leaders to babysit. After Trump's latest whiplash-inducing pivot towards Putin, they’re all sweaty and anxious. The scene echoes pre-Iraq War panic, minus the WMDs. While Trump reneges on cease-fire talks faster than you can say "weak foreign leader," Europeans fret he might bully Zelensky again. So, are they there to protect him or just share the collective angst? Russia's empowered, and the West's united front looks more hilarious than ever.
Malnourished Gazan woman flown to Italy dies in hospital
Acidly: In a tragic twist of fate, 20-year-old Marah Abu Zuhri, starved and frail, flew to Italy for medical help only to kick the bucket within 48 hours. The University Hospital of Pisa noted her "very complex" condition, aka severe malnutrition and leukemia. Meanwhile, Israel insists there's no starvation, throwing the blame on Hamas. Save our tears; they’re busy handing out tents in Gaza while claiming to spare civilians. Over 60,000 dead and counting—sure sounds like a humanitarian success story, doesn’t it?
The Good Ol'Ads
BMW Championship: MacIntyre 'wants to smash up clubs' as Scheffler wins
Acidly: Oh, Robert MacIntyre's day was just peachy. After clinging to a four-shot lead like a lifeline, he somehow fumbled it away, opening with boogey bogeys. Describing his round as "horrific," he sounded more surprised than a toddler at a magic show. Meanwhile, Scheffler, Mr. Consistency, strolled in with a grin, sealing his victory with an impressive chip-in. MacIntyre? He’s left pondering why his golf ball has a mind of its own. Spoiler alert: it’s not the ball. Time to upgrade the clubs, eh?
Terence Stamp, British actor who portrayed General Zod in early Superman films, dies at 87
Acidly: Terence Stamp, the charming villain we loved to hate, has kicked the bucket at 87. Best remembered as General Zod, he taught us that even evil can have a hint of vulnerability—who knew? After a six-decade career that included everything from an Oscar nomination for "Billy Budd" to a fabulous stint in "Priscilla," Stamp's legacy rests heavy on the industry. Tributes are pouring in, but let's be honest: he was the best at playing bad. And as he said, he didn't do “crappy movies”—unless rent was due.
Oops! Earendel, most distant star ever discovered, may not actually be a star, James Webb Telescope reveals
Acidly: Astronomers basked in their glory when they discovered Earendel, dubbed the most distant star ever. But surprise! This cosmic darling might actually be a cluster of stars tangled together like a cosmic soap opera. Turns out, instead of solo fame, Earendel may just be a star party gone wrong, as spectroscopic data from the James Webb Space Telescope suggests. So much for being the universe's hottest single! The truth's still fuzzy; they need more data to confirm if this star cluster is just a lonely star trying to mingle.
The Good Ol'Ads
Air Canada Flight Attendants Say They Will Defy Back-to-Work Order
Acidly: In a riveting display of defiance, Air Canada’s flight attendants, tired of unpaid labor and governmental overreach, decided to keep their strike going. Yes, they’re really hoping for the “magical” injunction that’ll block a back-to-work order, because apparently, holding the airline hostage makes total sense. Meanwhile, 130,000 stranded passengers are just having a delightful summer vacation—if only being crammed in airports counted as a spa retreat! Who needs travel when you’ve got bureaucratic drama?
Meta To Reportedly Sell HUD Glasses With EMG Wristband For $800
Acidly: Meta’s latest venture, the Hypernova smart glasses—what a name—will now only set you back $800 instead of the ludicrous $1k+ they initially thought. Equipped with a dazzling Hudson display and a wristband for finger gestures, because looking like a tech-enhanced octopus is all the rage. Sporting all the “necessary” features, from weather updates to captions on your boring life. Sure, the bulkier design won’t win any style points, but hey, at least you'll have an overpriced gadget to distract yourself with.
Hair loss remedies for women are all over social media. Here's how to know what works
Acidly: Ah, hair loss—the ultimate test of one's beauty and sanity. Women are pouring money into dubious treatments from onion juice to—wait for it—cucumbers. Because nothing screams “youthful vitality” like a salad on your scalp. With half of women facing this joyride, telehealth is stepping in, but good luck finding someone who can tell the difference between alopecia and a bad haircut. Allison Richards actually found a dermatologist who cared. So, if your hair’s shedding like autumn leaves, remember: beauty gets redefined, possibly by your next pizza.