Hurricane Erin live updates: Conditions across North Carolina's Outer Banks to deteriorate soon
Acidly: Hurricane Erin, the diva of disasters, has decided to grace North Carolina's Outer Banks with her presence. Residents are grabbing life jackets instead of beach towels as evacuation orders roll in. "Closed due to hurricane" signs are more popular than sunscreen at this point. Who needs swimming when you can ride the waves of panic? Erin's not making landfall—she's just here to ruin your vacation and remind you that coastal living isn’t all Instagram filters and sunny afternoons. Enjoy the flood!
Israeli military says first stages of assault on Gaza City have begun
Acidly: Israel’s military has decided it’s time for a little field trip to Gaza City. Ground offensive? More like ground disaster. They've already stubbed their toe on the outskirts while gathering 60,000 reservists as if they’re collecting Pokémon. Civilians get a warm warning to evacuate—how generous! Meanwhile, Hamas claims they’re the victims in this tragic comedy. And hey, 62,122 dead? Just a minor detail. But who needs a ceasefire when you can deepen the damage, right? Good luck with that, IDF!
Italians Pay Final Respects to Pippo Baudo, Their ‘King of Television’
Acidly: Pippo Baudo has kicked the bucket at a respectable 89, leaving behind a nation of fans sobbing into their spaghetti in Militello. Who knew the guy known for cheesy variety shows and “having a chat” for 60 years was Italy’s beloved uncle? Some 6,000 mourners showed up to gawk at his coffin, which was apparently more fabulous than some of the guests. The RAI is naming a theater after him, because why not extend his ego even after his last curtain call? Rest easy, SuperPippo; we’ll just watch reruns.
The Good Ol'Ads
Have Colts quit on Anthony Richardson? They say no, but it feels like it’s over for QB in Indy
Acidly: So, Anthony Richardson's Colts saga continues—like a soap opera with no real plot twist. The young QB gets shoved to the bench in favor of 39-year-old Joe Flacco (yes, *that* Joe Flacco). Colts GM Chris Ballard keeps preaching "patience," yet here they are, admitting they botched the 4th overall pick. Richardson’s "development plan"? Nonexistent. Instead, he’s on the sideline praying to the football gods. As for Jones, let’s just say he’s as reliable as a broken clock. Good luck, Indianapolis—you're gonna need it.
‘And Just Like That’ Writers Compare Finale Reaction to Ending ‘Sex and the City’: “It Was the Opposite of a Heated Debate”
Acidly: In the finale of "And Just Like That," Carrie is alone, swinging from pie to Barry White. It’s a thrilling development for women who are solo and sassy—bet those hot takes from 'haters' are piling up like the dishes in Miranda's sink! Julie Rottenberg and Elisa Zuritsky feigned surprise at the backlash. Apparently, no one warned them that people might be a tad possessive over a fictional character's love life. Can’t wait to see who they 'displace' next with their radical independence!
Nasa just found a whole moon around Uranus
Acidly: In a riveting twist, NASA’s Webb telescope has spotted a puny new moon around Uranus—because clearly, that planet needed more. A mere 10 kilometers wide, this 29th moon had been hiding like a teenager avoiding chores. Scientists, impressed by its sheer invisibility skills, are convinced countless other “incredible” moons might be lurking in the shadows. Apparently, Uranus is a chaotic orphanage for wandering celestial bodies. Oh joy. Can’t wait for them to be named after more Shakespearean drama. Exciting stuff!
The Good Ol'Ads
Fed's Cook says she will not be 'bullied' into resigning after Trump official accuses her of mortgage fraud
Acidly: In a deliciously absurd twist of fate, Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook finds herself under siege thanks to Bill Pulte, director of the Federal Housing Finance Agency, who’s decided to play amateur detective. Pulte's been slinging accusations of mortgage fraud as if it's hot gossip, all while Trump joins in the fun, demanding Cook resign. But Cook? No way! She’s not budging. Apparently, she enjoys the drama. “Lisa Cooked is cooked,” Pulte quips. Ah, nothing like a soap opera in the world of finance!
Google launches its own ‘MagSafe’ with PixelSnap
Acidly: In a shameless attempt to play catch-up, Google’s tossing out its version of Apple’s MagSafe, dubbed PixelSnap. Five years late to the party, they'll let you magnetically stick chargers and stands to your Pixel 10 devices. Sure, a Ring Stand for just $29.99 is groundbreaking – if you ignore the five-year-old iPhone innovation. With prices starting at $49.99 for cases, it’s clear that Google thinks your wallet needs as much 'snap' as your phone. Enjoy your overpriced magnets, folks!
Why the American Academy of Pediatrics is diverging from CDC vaccine guidelines
Acidly: In a dazzling display of mixed signals, the CDC wobbles on COVID shots for kids while the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) lays down the law: all children under 2 should get vaccinated. Former health expert Robert F. Kennedy Jr. gleefully opposes, waving conspiracy flags like they’re going out of style. Meanwhile, Dr. Paul Offit fights valiantly for science, pointing out the obvious: hospitalizations and deaths among kids. Who to trust? AAP or the guy with a conspiracy app? Choices, choices.