Abrego Garcia's attorneys say government trying to coerce him to accept guilty plea or face deportation to Uganda
Acidly: In a plot twist worthy of a bad soap opera, Kilmar Abrego Garcia is trapped in a bureaucratic tug-of-war. The Salvadoran man, previously booted out of the U.S., is now faced with a delightful ultimatum: plead guilty to human smuggling or get a one-way ticket to Uganda. His refusal of a cushy Costa Rica deal has sent agencies into a tizzy. The feds insist he's a menace, while politicians cry foul over judicial leniency. Abrego must choose—plead guilty for a somewhat comfy exile or gamble on Uganda. What a charmer!
European postal services suspend shipment of packages to US over tariffs
Acidly: In another brilliant move that screams “Let's complicate things,” the U.S. is ending its de minimis exemption, sending European postal services into a frenzy. They’ve decided to hit the brakes on shipping anything to the U.S. because, surprise, no one knows how tariffs will work now. Good luck sending that “thoughtful” gift to Aunt Mildred – she might get slapped with a duty that matches her age. So, if you’ve got a package, better send that yesterday. Can’t wait for the chaos; it’s the perfect reminder of global trade.
Rising Cost of a Day at the Beach Angers Italians
Acidly: Ah, summer in Italy – when the coastlines are swarmed by vacationers and wallets are emptied faster than gelato on a hot day. This year, however, the idyllic escape has turned into a money pit, as families gasp at the 50-euro price tag for a mere umbrella. With salaries frozen and costs skyrocketing, lounging at the beach feels more like a financial heist than a holiday. While locals debate over who’s to blame, beach clubs defend their inflated rates, claiming they’re merely victims of rising expenses. Italy – where every summer feels like a cruel joke.
The Good Ol'Ads
2025 Tour Championship leaderboard: Patrick Cantlay makes charge, ties Tommy Fleetwood entering final round
Acidly: So here we are, two sad sacks, Patrick Cantlay and Tommy Fleetwood, poised to snatch the FedEx Cup like a couple of underachievers on a last-minute college essay. Fleetwood's got more swings in the water than a derelict fisherman, and Cantlay? His last win was so long ago it’s practically an antique. Both have a knack for choking in critical moments. As the duo heads into the final round, let’s witness their delicate ballet of nerves and missed putts. Who doesn’t love a good trainwreck?
Box Office: ‘Weapons’ Wins Friday, but Netflix’s ‘KPop Demon Hunters’ Sing-Along Could Give the Streamer Its First-Ever No. 1 Opening
Acidly: In a shocking plot twist, "Weapons" remains box office champ while Netflix's "KPop Demon Hunters" tries to steal the spotlight with a sing-along version—because obviously, what's better than cringe-inducing karaoke in public? Meanwhile, “Honey Don’t!” flops like a fish out of water, and “Nobody 2” can’t seem to catch a break, fading away faster than your last relationship. A24 is so desperate for attention, they’re re-releasing a movie from February. Welcome to Hollywood: it’s a graveyard of mediocre ideas!
Watch SpaceX launch 5,000 pounds of cargo to the ISS early on Aug. 24
Acidly: Ah, the thrill of watching a glorified tin can launch into the void, delivering 5,000 pounds of goodies to space. SpaceX kicks off its CRS-33 mission—because we all need more 3D-printed liver tissue in our lives. Watch the Dragon capsule, the IKEA of space logistics, take off Sunday at 2:45 a.m. EDT. If all goes well, we’ll dock at the ISS, where astronauts can feast on fresh supplies and bone-forming stem cells. Who knew science could be so... appetizing? Get your popcorn ready for this cosmic delivery!
The Good Ol'Ads
Trump administration halts work on an almost-finished wind farm
Acidly: In a stunning display of political incompetence, the Trump administration has halted the Revolution Wind project off Rhode Island, mere inches from completion. Acting Bureau Director Matthew Giacona cited “national security” concerns, presumably over those terrifying wind turbines. This moratorium, following a pattern of sabotaging renewable energy, threatens jobs and investor confidence. Who needs a stable energy future anyway? Just another day of political posturing, with the U.S. wind industry caught in the crossfire. Bravo!
Flagship fight: Google Pixel 10 Pro vs. Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra
Acidly: Ah, the great farce of the smartphone market. You can choose between the Google Pixel 10 Pro and the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, two overpriced slabs that look about as exciting as a potato. The Pixel’s $999 price is charming for your wallet, but it won’t make you the hero in "most innovative design" anytime soon. Meanwhile, Samsung shoves a stylus down your throat as if you’re actually going to use it. In the end, both will snap decent pics of your lunch—because, let’s face it, that’s the real point, right?
Rider with measles may have exposed others on N.J. trains. Here’s when they traveled.
Acidly: In a shocking turn of events that no one saw coming, a measles carrier decided to take a scenic tour on NJ Transit, potentially showering fellow commuters with viral joy. Health officials are now on the hunt for anyone who dared to ride on select trains during specific hours between August 13-15. If you haven’t been vaccinated, congratulations, you might just be on the measles lottery! Just don’t bother showing up at the doctor’s — they’re tired of you. Cheers to making public transport even more thrilling!