Donald Trump says he wants to rebrand his 'big, beautiful bill'
Acidly: In a stunning revelation, Trump has decided his "one big beautiful bill" needs a makeover. Apparently, "grandiloquent nonsense" doesn't resonate with voters. After all, who wouldn't love a tax cut that supposedly only benefits the middle class while slashing essential programs? The bill, a Republican masterpiece of deficit-boosting, has garnered more eye rolls than support. But don't worry, the GOP is rebranding it as "Working Family Tax Cuts." Sure, because adding “working family” makes it all better. Next!
IDF claims hospital strike was aimed at Hamas camera, as hundreds of thousands protest Gaza war in Israel
Acidly: The IDF's latest excuse for blowing up Nasser Hospital—killing 20—was that they were targeting a Hamas camera. Sure, because nothing says precision like bombing a healthcare facility, am I right? They didn’t bother with evidence, but hey, journalists and medics are just collateral damage in their epic quest against “terrorists.” Netanyahu called the deaths a “tragic mishap” while the country erupted in protests demanding a ceasefire and hostage return. The irony? It seems the government cares more about destroying Gaza than saving its own citizens.
How Italy created a ‘tennis machine’ and became home to some of the world’s best players
Acidly: Italy has traded in its pizza and pasta for backhands and volleys, thanks to Jannik Sinner—a four-time Grand Slam champion who somehow emerged from a country more obsessed with soccer. With nine players in the top 100, Italy’s tennis scene is hotter than a burnt lasagna. The national federation finally ditched the outdated "let's just wing it" coaching style for something resembling strategy. So, while Italy's football stars flounder in mediocrity, their tennis players are suddenly everywhere—because who wouldn’t want to swoon over a humble God in tennis shoes?
The Good Ol'Ads
2025 NFL roster cuts tracker: Live updates, latest moves, trade rumors as all 32 teams finalize 53-man rosters
Acidly: In a stunning twist of fate, the Raiders proved that even Tom Brady's endorsement isn't a golden ticket. Rookie QB Cam Miller and WR Tommy Mellott were shown the door, reminding everyone that NFL dreams can vanish faster than air from a punctured football. Meanwhile, the Texans embraced the "one-and-done" philosophy, cutting former first-round pick Damon Arnette. Who needs draft pedigree when you can just flush it? And over in Seattle, Marquez Valdes-Scantling picked up a neat $3 million for zero catches. What a gig!
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Are Engaged, Singer Announces
Acidly: So, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are engaged—big surprise! It’s like your two least favorite teachers are heading down the aisle. They made the announcement with an Instagram post referencing her high school themes. How original! About time he put a ring on it after that cringe podcast where she called his chin “handsome.” Is it really love, or just a PR stunt? Let’s not pretend it’s destiny when it’s more like chance meetings between stadiums and concert tours. At least we'll get a new album out of it—“The Life of a Showgirl” sounds riveting.
How Bees Engineer Honeycombs on Rough Construction Sites
Acidly: In a groundbreaking study, researchers are unraveling the mysteries of honeybees' construction prowess—yes, the same little bugs you swat away. These tiny architects somehow manage to make perfect hexagonal honeycombs despite starting on lumpy, 3-D-printed messes. They’re either displaying a quirky form of genius or just following a set of instinctual rules. The study aims to mimic their “merging” and “layering” techniques for human tech. So, folks, watch out—bees may soon surpass us in both intelligence and engineering.
The Good Ol'Ads
After right-wing backlash, Cracker Barrel says it will get rid of its new logo
Acidly: Cracker Barrel's attempt at hipster branding bit the dust after Trump and loyal customers raised a ruckus over its minimalist logo—because apparently, less is not more in the world of biscuits and gravy. Who knew that a barrel and a cartoon old-timer could spark a culture war? After shares plummeted like a bad meatloaf, the company backtracked. Now, they’re clinging to nostalgia harder than your grandma at Thanksgiving. Oh, and Trump’s all too happy to bask in the victory of a fast-food chain's renaissance. What a time to be alive!
Apple’s big iPhone launch is coming on September 9. What to expect
Acidly: Apple’s next grand spectacle on September 9 promises the iPhone 17, inevitably just thinner, and new Apple Watches—because who doesn’t need more overpriced gadgets? Despite their tradition of unveiling new iPhones in September, the excitement might fizzle when consumers realize their savings could be put to better use than another “sleek” device that sacrifices battery life. Tariffs and production shifts loom ominously, leaving Apple fans wondering: is the new iPhone truly worth it, or just applesauce dressed as innovation?
Heart disease patients should get vaccinated against respiratory illnesses, including COVID-19, cardiology experts say
Acidly: Breaking news: the American College of Cardiology recommends heart disease patients get their shots against the usual suspects—COVID, RSV, the flu—you know, the kind that doesn’t discriminate even if you do have a ticker that’s lost its warranty. Meanwhile, vaccine hesitancy is thriving, boosted by a health secretary who’d rather be funding alternative wellness retreats than science. As panic sets in over cold season, let’s hope this guidance wrestles a few folks back from the brink of self-inflicted stupidity. Cheers!