RFK Jr. Sought to Fire CDC Director Susan Monarez Over Vaccine Policy
Acidly: Health Secretary Robert Kennedy Jr. threw a tantrum, demanding CDC head Dr. Monarez fire agency veterans or kiss her job goodbye. Unsurprisingly, she chose integrity over kowtowing, leading to a delightful chaos where top officials resigned in protest. Trump, ever the silent type, supposedly backed Kennedy’s crusade against public health. All eyes now wonder: can the CDC survive this circus, or will the next pandemic have a nice ring to it – courtesy of Kennedy's toxic leadership? Buckle up, America!
Ranking Member Shaheen, Senator Ernst, Representative Wilson Statement on Israeli Strikes in Damascus
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Acidly: Oh, what a heartwarming fairy tale! Senators and a Rep just returned from Syria, where they charmed the shrapnel off interim President Al Sharaa and his pals. They’re shocked—shocked!—that Israel dared to bomb Syria, derailing their dream of a peaceful, free land of milk and honey. They commend Trump for lifting sanctions like it was a daring rescue mission. Meanwhile, they'll just sit back and "call" on Israel to play nice. Because diplomacy has always worked wonders in the Middle East, right?
Italian women fight websites posting their photos without consent
Acidly: In a dazzling display of patriarchal genius, an Italian website showcasing women's photos without consent was finally shut down. The site, named after a charming slang term for female anatomy, became infamous after political figure Alessandra Moretti cried foul. Who knew men could be gross? Activists are now rallying against the digital parade of misogyny that permits these “toxic behaviors.” Meanwhile, Italy's government twiddles its thumbs, introducing a femicide bill while ignoring the deeper cultural cesspool. Bravo, Italy!
The Good Ol'Ads
Packers announce Micah Parsons trade, thank Kenny Clark
Acidly: In a shocking twist, the Packers just traded defensive tackle Kenny Clark and two first-round picks for Micah Parsons, the glamorous star. Fans might weep for Clark, who's apparently done a fantastic job warming the bench for nine seasons. The Packers’ GM, Brian Gutekunst, lavished praise on him, probably while wiping away tears. Don't worry, Kenny; you're going to need a lot of luck when you figure out where it all went wrong. Enjoy Dallas, where you'll be just another cog in the machine! Bravo, Packers!
Taylor Swift is the latest celebrity to opt for a supersized engagement ring
Acidly: Welcome to the age of the colossal engagement ring—where subtlety takes a backseat to gaudy bling. Cristiano Ronaldo’s proposed diamond could double as a doorstop, while Lauren Sanchez Bezos flaunts a pink rock so hefty it practically generates its own weather system. And then there's Taylor Swift, who joins the diamond duel with a modest gem that looks paltry beside the behemoths. Remember, size matters, at least in Hollywood. Perhaps future lovebirds will propose with a boulder instead. Who needs sentimentality when you've got carat weight?
With recent Falcon 9 milestones, SpaceX vindicates its “dumb” approach to reuse
Acidly: As SpaceX’s Starship hogged the spotlight, Falcon 9 was off casually racking up milestones. Oh, just another day launching Starlink satellites, and landing boosters like it was second nature. Booster 1096 strutted its stuff with a casual 400th drone ship landing. Not an eyebrow raised. Meanwhile, Booster 1067 hit its 30th flight, outpacing the competition like a cheetah in a tortoise race. Other space agencies? Still clinging to outdated, expendable tech like a nostalgic dad with his mixtape. Talk about an epic facepalm!
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Fed Governor Lisa Cook Sues Trump Over Dismissal
Acidly: In a dazzling twist, Lisa Cook, who’s apparently as tough to fire as a cockroach in a nuclear blast, is suing Trump over her ouster from the Federal Reserve. She claims her firing is unconstitutional, fueled by his latest "let’s ruin the economy" scheme. After all, needing a sound monetary policy isn’t exactly on Trump’s agenda. With accusations of mortgage fraud floating around like confetti, this legal circus promises to reveal just how low the budget for political integrity can go. Grab your popcorn!
Google Pixel 10 Pro Review: This A.I. Phone Can Save Time if You Surrender Your Data
Acidly: Introducing Google’s Pixel 10 Pro, where your phone knows you better than your therapist. For just $1,000, it grabs your personal data to streamline life’s tedious tasks—because why not let a corporation sift through your emails to answer your friends? Sure, it'll predict your needs. But wait—when calling an airline, it erroneously fetched your last dinner bill. Privacy-first, they say. Just don’t mind the surveillance lurking in the background. Who needs autonomy when you have a phone that double-checks your life for you?
These 3 Simple Lifestyle Changes Can Cut Diabetes Risk by 31%
Acidly: In a groundbreaking revelation that’s shockingly uncomplicated, scientists from Harvard want you to eat like an ancient Greek and stop stuffing your face. Their study claims that three lifestyle tweaks—Mediterranean diet, calorie cutting, and some exercise—can slash type 2 diabetes risk by nearly a third. Yes, really! Who knew that swapping pizza for veggies could work wonders? But don’t worry, only about 3 in 100 folks are saved from diabetes. So, go ahead, save your life or just keep binging on junk—your choice!