Tyler Robinson named suspect in Charlie Kirk shooting: What to know about him and how he was apprehended
Acidly: In a splendid display of familial loyalty gone awry, Tyler Robinson, alleged assassin of conservative darling Charlie Kirk, took a scenic detour into the criminal underbelly of political extremism. After his dad recognized him in the lineup, Robinson declared, "Nah," to surrendering. But dad's counseling prevailed, leading to a gripping father-son bonding moment: turning himself in following a rifle retrieval scheme. Writings on shell casings struck the perfect tone of high school angst, leaving us all dumbfounded. Ah, another day, another shooting.
NATO Steps Up Defenses After Russian Drones Violate Polish Airspace
Acidly: NATO has woken up to the reality that Russian drones, akin to toys made of Styrofoam and plywood, can infiltrate its territory. After some daring nighttime joyrides into Poland, Alliance leaders are finally shaking off the complacency cobwebs with the aptly named “Eastern Sentry” operation. F-16s and F-35s now scramble over Poland like kids during a fire drill. Meanwhile, Russia continues to spin tales thicker than the air defense systems that can't cover the drone incursions. Happy flying, I guess!
The Heat Is Punishing. So Is Being Told You Can’t Work in It.
Acidly: In a stunning twist of irony, food delivery riders in Europe are swimming in sweat just to scrape by, all while dodging traffic, heat waves, and government incompetence. In Rome, bureaucrats deemed it unsafe for them to work during peak heat hours, conveniently ignoring that their livelihoods heat up with every euro lost during those breaks. Glovo tried sweetening the deal with bonuses for braving the heat, sparking outrage – as if being paid to risk your health is a win. The struggle is real, but so is the mockery of it all.
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Chiefs are home underdogs for only the second time with Patrick Mahomes
Acidly: Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Patrick Mahomes, the prodigy, enters a world where he’s an underdog—at home, no less. The Chiefs, once untouchable, now cling to a measly 1.5 points against the Eagles. Remember how they just got steamrolled by Philly in the Super Bowl? Yeah, no pressure. But hey, if they lose again, at least they'll make history! Can’t wait for the headlines: "Mahomes Starts 0-2: The Great Wonder Unravels." Maybe he'll just throw some touchdowns, or is that too much to ask?
Taylor Swift Has Not Agreed to Be Deposed in Blake Lively-Justin Baldoni Lawsuit, Her Lawyer Says (UPDATED)
Acidly: Judge Lewis J. Liman just shot down Justin Baldoni's sad attempt to drag Taylor Swift into his legal dumpster fire. Apparently, after a stunning lack of diligence, Baldoni thought he could squeeze a deposition out of the pop diva just three days after asking. Swift’s lawyers practically rolled their eyes at his claims of her consent—how original! Now he’s left with nothing but his defamation counterclaims, which got tossed faster than his career prospects. Good luck with the trial, Justin; you'll need it.
Now That NASA Found Signs of Life on Mars, It's Clear Trump Made a Massive Error
Acidly: NASA’s interim chief Sean Duffy celebrated the potential discovery of life on Mars while throwing in some shameless compliments for Trump. Sure, a rock sample that screams “microbial life!” sounds amazing, but good luck getting it to Earth. Trump’s budget ax threatens NASA’s $11B sample return mission, favoring a “send humans to Mars” plan that feels like a lucky lottery ticket. Meanwhile, China’s gearing up to steal our thunder with their own sample return. Ah, the race is on—just not the way we wanted.
The Good Ol'Ads
OpenAI reaches new agreement with Microsoft to change its corporate structure
Acidly: In a shocking twist, OpenAI’s nonprofit—now a billionaire with a $100 billion equity stake—continues its slapstick performance with Microsoft. Sure, they say it’s all for “the next phase,” but regulators and watchdogs are sharpening their pitchforks, fearing an AI Frankenstein monster. With a board including a former Treasury secretary, the mission of “benefit for humanity” looks like a comedy sketch. Meanwhile, Elon Musk fumes, claiming betrayal. Who knew saving humanity could be this entertaining?
All of the iPhone 17 models compared
Acidly: Apple just unveiled the iPhone 17 lineup, cleverly cobbling together four new models: the iPhone 17, 17 Air, Pro, and Pro Max. Preorders are available for only average people starting Friday, with the overpriced tech dropping on September 19. The iPhone 17 is just a trivial upgrade—better battery, same eye-watering prices—with the 17 Air wielding a different processor, because why not? For those who need to feel fancy, the Pro versions deliver, for a fee, of course. Quality? Sure. But you’ll pay in flirtations with your bank account. Happy spending!
Have you gotten this year's COVID vaccine?
Acidly: Ah, the annual COVID vaccine rollout—because nothing screams "fun" like a confusing game of health roulette. This year, the FDA has decided to play gatekeeper, limiting access mainly to those 65 and up or select unlucky souls with health issues. The rest? Good luck finding a doc to write you a script, and even then, your insurance might laugh in your face. Meanwhile, states like Minnesota and New York are throwing caution to the wind, desperately trying to make vaccines accessible, while chaotic CDC recommendations loom. Cheers to modern medicine!