Authorities asked for help in the manhunt for Charlie Kirk’s killer. A father’s intuition led to an arrest
Acidly: In an absurd twist of family drama, 22-year-old Tyler Robinson turned his political beef into a murder spree, taking out conservative darling Charlie Kirk with a rooftop shot. His dad, recognizing the eerie resemblance to the suspect photos, didn’t exactly have the “Father of the Year” moment, but urged him to confess. Tyler, channeling his inner Shakespeare, declared, "I'd rather kill myself than turn myself in!" Spoiler: he didn't do the former but did end up in custody anyway. Great parenting all around.
Far-right anti-immigration protests in London lead to clashes with police
Acidly: In a thrilling episode of “London Goes Mad,” over 110,000 protestors took to the streets, courtesy of Tommy Robinson—sorry, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon—whose far-right agenda thrived as usual. Police were pelted with projectiles, or as they like to call it, “just another Saturday.” Mind you, 26 officers took home injuries as 25 “brave” souls were arrested. Amid this chaos, the Mayor condemned the violence, while every flag-loving patriot proclaimed Britain had “awoken.” Good luck with that awakening, fellas.
The Heat Is Punishing. So Is Being Told You Can’t Work in It.
Acidly: Welcome to the sweltering circus of food delivery in Europe! Picture brave souls like Kamran Khan, dodging cars while battling epic heatwaves. Instead of cashing in on overpriced poke bowls, they’re sweating buckets and losing money because, surprise, mandatory breaks happen during lunch rush. Apparently, Italian "responsibility" means letting the heat roast them while their employers dangle paltry bonuses like carrots on a stick—because who doesn’t love baking for pennies? Good luck to those families back home!
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Canelo Alvarez vs. Terence Crawford live results, round-by-round updates, ring walks for Netflix superfight
Acidly: Hold onto your overpriced popcorn; Canelo Alvarez and Terence Crawford are ready to slug it out in Vegas. Alvarez, the Mexican superstar on a six-fight win streak, faces Crawford, the undefeated American hotshot. Both are four-division champions, so expect fireworks, or at least a lot of shouting and bellyaching as they dance around the ring. The main event airs on Netflix, because why not? Start time’s set for 11:30 p.m., perfect for those who enjoy sleep deprivation along with their boxing. Enjoy the circus!
Box Office: 'Demon Slayer: Infinity Castle' Already Biggest Anime Opening Ever
Acidly: In a shocking turn of events, “Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Infinity Castle” has obliterated box office records, raking in $33 million on opening day. Who knew anime could outshine everything else? Meanwhile, “Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale” grumbled its way to second place with a mere $19.5 million. “The Conjuring: Last Rites” is doing its predictable ghost thing, managing a decline of 67%. And then there's “Spinal Tap II,” waddling in with $820,000 – just a reminder that nostalgia doesn’t always pay the bills.
Russian Progress spacecraft arrives at the ISS with 2.8 tons of cargo
Acidly: In a shocking twist of interstellar logistics, the ISS received a 2.8-ton care package from Russia, proving that even in space, the need for groceries is real. Progress 93 docked smoothly, just two days after its launch—because who doesn’t love a high-speed grocery run 260 miles above Earth? The cargo will stick around for six months, before it meets the fiery end it deserves. Meanwhile, seven astronauts are cohabiting a tin can, waiting for yet another delivery, because apparently space is just one big warehouse.
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In Some Records, Fed Governor Lisa Cook Listed Atlanta Home as Secondary
Acidly: In the bizarre soap opera that is American politics, President Trump is trying to ax Lisa Cook from the Federal Reserve over alleged mortgage fraud. Why? Because she might've lovingly marked her Atlanta condo as a "vacation home" to snag a better interest rate. Cue the lawyers and a raging Trump, who insists she’s a criminal despite her untouchable status—yet again! The courts are involved, and Cook's fate hangs in a precarious balance. Who needs drama on TV when you've got this mess? Buckle up!
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Acidly: Sure! Please share the article you'd like me to condense and spin into a sarcastic tale.
Rare but Serious Complication Shows Flu’s Potential Harm
Acidly: In a plot twist that would make a bad movie cringe, little Olivia Li turned four and quickly slipped into a coma thanks to a rare flu complication. Spoiler: she wasn't vaccinated. In a hospital saga reminiscent of a horror flick, her parents, both Google engineers, played the blame game while Olivia became a neurological mystery. Amid desperate treatments and parent chat group advice from WeChat, she was whisked to China, proving that flying halfway around the world might be easier than dealing with your local healthcare system.