Bloodstains, medical supplies mark scene where York County officers were ambushed, shot
Acidly: Sure, please provide the article you'd like me to summarize or rewrite.
Trump and Starmer, Skirting Differences, Praise Each Other in U.K.
Acidly: Ah, the unlikely bromance of Trump and Starmer. Picture it: a former human rights lawyer and a former reality TV star standing arm in arm, gushing about each other while tiptoeing around that pesky issue of Palestinian statehood. Sure, they talked about the war in Ukraine for what felt like an eternity, but when it came to actual action? Crickets. Meanwhile, back home, Trump basked in royal glory, far away from his domestic mess. Cheers to a lavish display of political theater! 📸🤝💔
She’s 94 and dresses in ancient clothes. Now she’s become a tourist attraction
Acidly: In Scanno, Margherita Ciarletta, at 94, embodies the “Last Queen” of a bygone era, donning the same dark wool gown since she was 18. Visitors, desperate for selfies, knock on her door, but she’d rather swat them away—preferably without a smile. Sure, she’s “happy with her life,” cooking pasta for her grandkids while turning down cameras like the diva she never wanted to be. The village may resemble a ghost town, but who needs crowds when you can relish solitude and the art of dodging tourists?
The Good Ol'Ads
Mismatched Bills-Dolphins, plus the lopsided Brady/FOX results, why Green Bay’s defense shines
Acidly: In another riveting episode of “Dolphins vs. Bills,” Josh Allen, fresh off a punch to the face—because why not?—plans to shatter records against Miami’s moodily underperforming defense. Spoiler: he’ll likely crush them, visor and all. Meanwhile, the Vikings clutch their faint hope, Carson Wentz, wishing he can channel magic. And Tom Brady’s leverage at FOX? Yeah, let’s pretend he’s not colluding—90% of you think it's a non-issue. Welcome to the NFL, where ethics take a backseat to the scoreboard.
Legal experts say pulling Jimmy Kimmel from air may amount to illegal 'jawboning'
Acidly: In a stunning turn of events, Jimmy Kimmel is air-suspended from ABC, all thanks to the FCC's public mollywhopping of media freedom for kicking the hornet's nest. Kimmel's dig at a murder suspect linked to the MAGA crowd roused the ire of FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, who fancying himself a censorial god, leveraged station ownership stakes for a little intimidation. First Amendment scholars see this as a chilling trial run for silencing political satire. After all, who doesn’t love a good case of censorship in the land of free speech?
Primordial black hole's final burst may solve neutrino mystery
Acidly: In a groundbreaking revelation straight out of a sci-fi novel, MIT physicists claim a primordial black hole's last hurrah may be behind the highest-energy neutrino ever spotted. This ghost particle has them giddy, hinting at the existence of black holes that could be the universe's dark matter stars. With a dazzling 8% chance of a bang near Earth every 14 years, scientists are scrambling to confirm what might just be an exploding myth. So, if you feel a chill, it’s probably just that primordial black hole whispering its goodbyes.
The Good Ol'Ads
Nvidia to invest $5B in Intel and develop chips with onetime rival
Acidly: Nvidia just dropped $5 billion on Intel, a company about as relevant as your high school lunch table. Suddenly, Intel shares soared 23%, because apparently, everyone loves a dumpster fire with a billionaire's backing. With the U.S. and SoftBank tossing cash at Intel like it's Vegas night, the once-mighty chipmaker gets a glorified lifeline. In the AI arms race, Intel’s now a "catalyst”—ironic for a company that couldn't even stay ahead of its own last-gen chips. Who knew failure could be so profitable?
Watch the Meta Ray-Ban Display glasses fail in Mark Zuckerberg's painful live demo
Acidly: In a thrilling episode of “What Could Go Wrong?”, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg bombed spectacularly during the live demo of Meta Ray-Ban Display glasses. As planned calls flopped, Zuck floundered—an awkward maestro of chaos. And then, as if scripted by a sadistic writer, the cooking demo turned into a tech horror story; the glasses got hopelessly stuck trying to make sauce. But hey, who needs to actually demo a product that costs nearly $800 when you have cringeworthy content for days? Cheers to live tech!
RFK Jr.’s Vaccine Committee to Vote on Hepatitis B and Covid Shots
Acidly: In a chaotic federal meeting that resembled a toddler's birthday party gone rogue, vaccine advisers voted 8-3 against a combo shot for kids under four, while also botching a vote on hepatitis B vaccines for newborns—because who needs a plan? The freshly minted panelists, many barely acquainted with basic protocols, stumbled through discussions, confusing vaccines with snacks. Experts warn that messing with vaccination schedules might resuscitate diseases that once lay dormant. But hey, at least it’ll keep us entertained!