Son of missionaries accused of setting destructive Palisades fire
Acidly: Meet Jonathan Rinderknecht, the guy who went from soccer-loving missionary's son to suspected arsonist extraordinaire. Living the Uber driver dream in Hollywood, he was your quintessential "nice guy" — at least until he allegedly ignited California's latest fire disaster while vibing to moody French rap. Neighbors kept it vague; he was a soft-spoken recluse with a flair for legal drama. Now, he’s facing charges and pondering his life choices in a Florida courtroom. Nice job, champ.
Trump says first phase of Gaza peace deal agreed, paving way for hostage and prisoner releases
Acidly: In a stunning revelation, self-proclaimed peacemaker Trump tells Hannity the Middle East has finally united—because why not? Let’s ignore decades of chaos. He claims Gaza will miraculously flourish, thanks to the generosity of rich neighbors who’ve magically decided to care about its welfare. And don’t worry, Iran’s approval of this master plan is just the cherry on top. Politicians are optimistic—who wouldn’t be, given the great man’s track record? Next up, a ceasefire that may or may not happen. Exciting times!
Italy to propose global ceasefire for 2026 Winter Olympics
Acidly: Italy proposes a global ceasefire as the Milano Cortina Olympics approach, echoing the ancient tradition of laying down arms to let athletes pass. Almost poetic, right? But let’s be real: since 1896, these calls for peace are as effective as a chocolate teapot. Wars rage on, and Italy's Minister Tajani says they must be "champions of peace," while countries continue to spiral into chaos. Isn't optimism sweet? Meanwhile, human suffering remains the true Olympic event. Good luck with that truce, folks!
The Good Ol'Ads
Bengals to start Flacco at QB against Packers
Acidly: Welcome to the Bengals, Joe Flacco—at least you're not starting a reality show just yet. In a shocking twist, the Bengals decided passing on the ball wasn’t enough. With Jake Browning floundering, they shipped off a fifth-round pick to the Browns for Flacco, who’ll likely trot out against the Packers like a deer caught in headlights. Flacco's last performance against them? Classic. Just what the Bengals need—more drama. Maybe they should just change their name to “The Mediocre Show.”
Kristi Noem Attacks Zach Bryan’s New Lyrics About ICE
Acidly: In a riveting clash of musical genius and political genius—that is, a country star’s lyrics versus a politician’s temper tantrum—Kristi Noem tore into Zach Bryan's new song, calling it “completely disrespectful.” Bryan, true to form, claimed his words were taken ‘out of context’—how original! Meanwhile, far-right commentators pick a new scapegoat, Bad Bunny, for headlining the Super Bowl, proving once again that their grasp on reality is as fleeting as a good country tune. Godspeed, indeed.
Astronomers catch rare glimpse of interstellar comet 3I/ATLAS as it flies by Mars
Acidly: Astronomers just had a thrilling date with 3I/ATLAS, an interstellar comet zooming past Mars. Captured by ESA’s cameras, which normally just stare at the dull surface of the Red Planet, this comet is a shy 10,000 to 100,000 times dimmer than their usual rock stars. At 3 billion years old—older than your grandma—it’s as ancient and crumpled as last week’s news. Now, scientists are eagerly awaiting data, because who doesn’t love sifting through icy murk for cosmic answers? Just another day in the universe.
The Good Ol'Ads
Minutes of the Federal Open Market Committee, September 16–17, 2025
Acidly: Oh joy, the Federal Reserve has blessed us with the thrilling release of their September 2025 meeting minutes—because who doesn’t want to dive into the riveting world of economic jargon? These exhilarating documents, dripping with tedium, are available three weeks late, because what's the rush in today’s ever-so-stable economy? Check them out on their medieval website, or better yet, call to bask in more bureaucratic glory. Spoiler: it’s as exciting as watching paint dry.
Our favorite batteries and chargers are on sale for October Prime Day
Acidly: In a world drowning in tech gadgets, Twelve South has released their 3-in-1 charging stand, because why have one charger when you can have three? It’s $71, half the price of therapy for your tech dependency. Meanwhile, Anker flexes its muscles with a 25,000mAh power bank, proving size matters. And for a mere $1384, you can buy a power station that could probably power your ego. So, embrace the tech circus—your devices deserve a nice standing ovation... in the graveyard of mediocrity.
CDC recommends patients consult a health care provider for Covid-19 vaccination
Acidly: The CDC, in a stunning display of bureaucracy, now insists that those eager for a Covid-19 shot consult with a healthcare provider, as if finding a doctor is as easy as finding a parking spot. Because, you know, universal healthcare is just a dream. Meanwhile, CVS is having a "whoopsie" moment, finally deciding to distribute vaccines without unnecessary prescriptions. Great timing for flu season, right? At least toddlers will now get their vaccines separately—because nothing screams "safety" like overhauling childhood vaccinations at the last minute. Bravo, CDC!