Search After Tennessee Explosion Finds No Survivors, Officials Say
Acidly: In a tragic twist, the remnants of a Tennessee ammunition plant exploded, shifting from a rescue mission to a grim recovery effort. Sixteen people are still missing, while officials assert the chances of finding survivors are basically zero. Sheriff Chris Davis, barely holding it together, described the scene as "hell." Meanwhile, the community grapples with yet another catastrophe—because why not throw in a devastating explosion after floods have already wreaked havoc? Just a Tuesday in Tennessee, folks.
Israel awaits the release of hostages, as Palestinians return to the ruins of their homes
Acidly: As Israel holds its breath, praying for hostages to emerge unscathed, Palestinians survey the ashes of what was once home. Some kind of tragic real estate transaction—one group gets their loved ones back, the other gets a barren lot. Who needs stable foundations when you have the thrill of bargaining with tragedy? Forget rebuilding; those ruins really tie the neighborhood aesthetic together. Meanwhile, the world watches, popcorn in hand, as humanitarian crises become the latest binge-worthy drama.
Want to move to Tuscany? This picturesque village is paying people $23,000 to move there
Acidly: Radicondoli, a postcard-perfect Tuscan village, is experiencing an identity crisis. Once a bustling hub, its population has plummeted from 3,000 to a sad 966. Desperate, local officials are flinging cash around like confetti, offering up to €20,000 to anyone brave enough to relocate to one of their crumbling homes. Ten-year residency? Sure, take your time. While they market this as a slice of paradise with a side of geothermal energy, the village's reality is more of a ghost town salvage mission. Welcome to the new Tuscany: come for the olives, stay for the desperation.
The Good Ol'Ads
Texas-Oklahoma takeaways: Longhorns topple No. 6 Sooners to reignite College Football Playoff hopes
Acidly: In a dazzling display of mediocrity, Arch Manning led Texas to a thrilling 23-6 snoozefest against Oklahoma, ensuring fans wouldn't lose faith—at least for another week. Initially floundering with third-and-(who even cares), he miraculously transformed into a competent quarterback. Meanwhile, Oklahoma’s John Mateer, fresh from hand surgery, showcased a masterclass in bad decision-making, perfecting the art of terrible throws. What's next? Texas hops on a road trip to prolong their inevitable playoff dreams. Hooray!
Diane Keaton, Oscar-winning star of ‘Annie Hall’ and ‘The Godfather,’ dies at 79, reports say
Acidly: Diane Keaton, the quirky titan of cinema, has shuffled off this mortal coil at 79, leaving behind a vault of unforgettable roles and a trail of confused lovers. Bette Midler, who co-starred in "The First Wives Club," waxed poetic about her hilarious, original friend on Instagram—typical of Hollywood’s ever-so-genuine reactions to death. From "Annie Hall" to "The Godfather," she crafted a legacy that’s now as timeless as her never-ending stream of whimsically oversized hats. The world, alas, will never be quite the same.
Science news this week: Astronomers close in on comet 3I/ATLAS's origins, a strange gravity anomaly discovered off Africa and AI designs brand-new viruses
Acidly: This week's science update: Comet 3I/ATLAS, an ancient rogue from the galaxy's crib, is wowing scientists with its water-spewing antics—imagine a cosmic water park! Meanwhile, a gravity signal lurks in Earth's depths like a forgotten conspiracy theory, found only after nearly two decades. Oh, and cheers to AI for actively flirting with apocalypse by inventing new viruses. Can we give AI a timeout, please? Add in the usual existential threats from extreme weather, and this week in science surely feels like a cataclysmic soap opera.
The Good Ol'Ads
Trump fires back at China’s rare earth mineral restrictions by threatening 100% tariffs
Acidly: In a move that’s as shocking as a toddler throwing a tantrum, Trump announced a 100% tariff on all imports from China. Why not? Let’s just throw a tantrum over a trade war while the stock market does its best impersonation of a roller coaster—down 1.9% like it just heard its favorite toy was recalled. Meanwhile, China tightens its grip on rare earth minerals, prompting Trump to clutch his pearls and call it a "moral disgrace." Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode of "As the Economy Crumbles."
Apple ends support for Clips video-editing app
Acidly: Well, folks, the life of Apple’s Clips app has officially ended. Launched in 2017 with the ambition to turn anyone into a video editing genius, it spiraled into mediocrity faster than you could say "update needed." After years of spotting tumbleweeds where features used to be, Apple finally canned it. Hopefully, if you’ve been clinging to Clips like a drowning man to a life raft, you’ve saved your precious videos. Don't forget: storage is a thing. You know, just in case your nostalgia trip crashes.
Measles cases climb in Minnesota, part of largest U.S. outbreak since 2000
Acidly: Minnesota's measles outbreak: a G-rated horror story. Dakota County's three new infections add to the state's grand total of 20, all thanks to parents playing Russian roulette with their kids' health. Sure, health officials tout the 97% effectiveness of the MMR vaccine, but who needs that when you can risk your child's brain damage or blindness? With deaths and hospitalizations piling up, it seems unvaccinated individuals are the new trendsetters for preventable diseases. Good luck, Dakota County!