Nor'easter Is Pounding The East Coast With Coastal Flooding, Heavy Rain, Strong Winds
Acidly: Ah, the nor'easter, that familiar friend bringing chaos from the Carolinas to New Jersey. Days of coastal flooding, heavy rain, and winds so strong they could snatch your wig off. As messes linger, homes collapse into the ocean, and roads submerge, we’re reminded that Mother Nature has a sense of humor—only, it’s not funny. Today’s forecast: flooding, rip currents, and tree limbs on your power lines. So, don’t forget to empty your basements and stay off the beach. Who needs a calm day anyway?
The Return of Israel’s Living Hostages From Gaza Signals a Time to Heal
Acidly: In a theatrical twist of fate, the 20 Israeli hostages finally emerged from Hamas's underground hideaway, gaunt but alive, after two years of captivity. Meanwhile, their families basked in the glorious glow of emotional reunions, clearly forgetting that it took exchanging nearly 2,000 Palestinians for them to get here. Prime Minister Netanyahu stands accused of playing politics while the nation wrestles with its grief. As the living reclaim their lives, the deceased remain haunting reminders in the backdrop of this tragic comedy.
Want to move to Tuscany? This picturesque village is paying people $23,000 to move there
Acidly: Ah, Radicondoli—the idyllic Tuscan postcard that’s become a ghost town. Once bustling with 3,000 souls, it now limps along with 966, while 100 houses languish empty. The brilliant idea? Hand out cash! Up to 20,000 euros for anyone brave enough to move in, plus rent subsidies. Mayor Guarguaglini boasts a ‘value’ in homes—right, because paying 50,000 euros for a crumbling shell is a steal. Meanwhile, the village clings to its medieval charm like a relic from a time when people actually wanted to live there. Good luck with that!
The Good Ol'Ads
Titans fire coach Brian Callahan, name Mike McCoy as interim coach: Sources - The Athletic
Acidly: The Titans have officially put Brian Callahan out of his misery after a stellar 4-19 run. You know it's bad when they fire the coach mid-season and pass the reins to someone who couldn’t even save the sinking ship. Callahan’s claim to fame? Ignoring a rookie’s legitimate catch and then mistakenly asserting, “an elbow doesn’t equal two feet.” Brilliant strategy. The Titans can now enjoy the season under interim McCoy—because nothing screams “future success” like swapping out one loser for another. Good luck, Tennessee!
Nancy Meyers Says ‘I’ve Lost a Friend of 40 Years’ After Diane Keaton’s Death: ‘She Was Fearless. She Was Born to Be a Movie Star’
Acidly: Filmmaker Nancy Meyers poured her heart out on Instagram, mourning Diane Keaton – her “fearless” friend and collaborator who shuffled off this mortal coil at 79. With dripping sentimentality, she remembered their 40-year sisterhood filled with "memorable experiences” and how Keaton “got her.” Because nothing says 'legacy' like a history of shared dinners and movie sets. Let’s be real: Keaton’s genius was in making melodrama seem effortless, leaving Meyers a cinematic widow. Cue the tears.
SpaceX launches the 11th test flight of its mega Starship rocket
Acidly: In a display of dazzling mediocrity, SpaceX's Starship leisurely ambled halfway around the globe on Monday, reminding us that not all historic rockets need a happy ending. With every test flight, SpaceX proves it can successfully launch heavy metal into the sky only for it to vaporize into the ocean—a true testament to progress! Meanwhile, NASA's Sean Duffy showers praise like confetti as Musk, playing rocket voyeur, steps outside to witness another $3 billion fireworks show. Maybe one day, they’ll actually bring something back.
The Good Ol'Ads
Stock futures are little changed after big rebound on Wall Street, S&P 500 posts best day since May: Live updates
Acidly: Investors breathed a sigh of relief over a gibberish post from Trump that made them think maybe, just maybe, he knows something about trade tensions with China. Dow futures perked up by a towering 36 points, as if that’s going to change your life. The S&P and Nasdaq followed suit, riding the tech wave sparked by Oracle and Nvidia—a real bandwagon of hope. But let’s be real, folks: volatility’s the only constant to count on. Don’t get too comfy; earnings reports from mega-banks will likely make you lose that warm fuzzy feeling.
Windows 10 support ends tomorrow, but here's how to get an extra year for free
Acidly: Hey, Windows 10 users! Guess what? Microsoft has decided your beloved OS is officially "too old" as of October 14, 2023. Sure, your computer will still function, but good luck fighting off malware without security updates! You can either upgrade to Windows 11 for free, buy a shiny new PC, or enroll in Extended Security Updates for a free extension—if you don’t mind linking your life to Microsoft’s cloud. Enjoy your year of false security before it all comes crashing down! Cheers!
W.H.O. Warns of Sharp Increase in Drug-Resistant Infections
Acidly: The World Health Organization has dropped a delightful conclusion: dangerous infections, emboldened by our overindulgent antibiotic usage, are spreading like wildfire, escalating by up to 15% annually. With low-income countries reaping the joyful rewards of weak healthcare systems, one in six infections are now resistant to our beloved antibiotics. Oh, and don't worry – the pharmaceutical industry is doing great at avoiding new antibiotics. So, remember folks, the next time you feel a sneeze coming on, it's probably not the flu; it's your friendly neighborhood superbug. Enjoy!