Trump warns that Hamas must disarm "or we will disarm them"
Acidly: In an unprecedented diplomatic masterclass, President Trump declared, "Hamas disarm or else!" without a hint of sarcasm, conveniently omitting a strategy. Meanwhile, families of hostages experience emotional whiplash — reunions for some, graves for others. As U.S. aid flows like a slow drip, Gaza's rubble remains an unfulfilled dream. So, it's nearly another day of profound human tragedy, punctuated by Trump's bravado and the vague hope of a “new” Gaza emerging from ashes. Optimism or delusion? You decide.
My friend Bipin threw back Hamas grenade - and saved my life
Acidly: In a classic twist of fate, Bipin Joshi became a grenade-throwing superhero for a split second, saving his pal Dhan Bahadur from a violent fate during a Hamas attack in Israel. But, surprise! That moment of glory ended with Bipin joining the ranks of the deceased. The international community? A mere spectator as they speculate about the circumstances of his death—real nail-biter material, huh? Amidst the grief and rubble, Dhan Bahadur just wants to keep Bipin’s dreams alive. Spoiler alert: they won't be.
Blast kills three police officers trying to evict siblings from house in Italy
Acidly: In a riveting chapter of Italy's eviction saga, three Carabinieri officers met their end in a farmhouse explosion, courtesy of their charming elderly tenants. Turns out, the siblings in their 50s and 60s preferred a fiery send-off over facing their mounting debts. While police and firefighters were busy playing eviction games, one sibling cranked up the gas and BOOM—talk about a dramatic exit. Now, two arrested folks and a runaway are nursing injuries like a bad soap opera plot. Forget mourning; let’s just call it another day in the absurd tale of "Who’s Got the Worst Neighbors?"
The Good Ol'Ads
Brewers vs. Dodgers live updates and score for NLCS Game 2
Acidly: In a riveting battle of mediocrity, the Dodgers clutched a 2-1 lead over the Brewers, thanks to Teoscar Hernández and a clutch double by Andy Pages. Brewer's ace Freddy Peralta is hiding under a rock while Ohtani’s post-season has become a farce of missed opportunities. Jackson Chourio celebrated his first-pitch home run like it mattered. Ah, the drama of playoff baseball—where 95 mph hits are still a yawn and Mookie Betts remains the most exciting guy on the field for doing his job.
D’Angelo’s ‘Untitled’ Video Supercharged and Derailed His Career
Acidly: D’Angelo, the man who transformed from soulful artist to the “naked dude” thanks to his infamous “Untitled” video, never signed up for this circus. His manager thought a naked D’Angelo would boost his appeal. Spoiler: it worked, but at a cost—more screams for stripping than soulful crooning. Fast forward: he fades into addiction and writer’s block. Who cares about his art when there’s glistening abs to ogle? Ironically, the real message? Grandma’s cooking. Forget the soulful ballad; let's feast on the eye candy.
SpaceX launches the 11th test flight of its mega Starship rocket with another win
Acidly: SpaceX's Starship took another joyride on Monday, soaring through the sky and dumping mock satellites like confetti. Rocket guru Elon Musk, feeling adventurous, decided to step outside for a firsthand look—not just a cushy office chair this time! The rocket managed to glide from Texas to the Indian Ocean, while everyone involved pretended this was groundbreaking instead of a glorified test flight. Meanwhile, NASA holds its breath, hoping this oversized tin can can actually make it to the moon someday—spoiler: good luck with that!
The Good Ol'Ads
Jeep parent Stellantis announces $13 billion U.S. investment plan
Acidly: Stellantis, parent company of Chrysler and Jeep, plans to magically inject $13 billion into U.S. manufacturing over four years, creating over 5,000 jobs. How charming of them! CEO Antonio Filosa must’ve figured out it’s easier to pander to a domestic audience than deal with slumping sales and a 24% stock drop. New vehicles like a midsize truck and fancy EVs are now in the mix, but let’s not pretend this isn’t just a PR stunt to pacify unions and the government. Who knew paying lip service was such a lucrative business?
Windows 10 support ends today, but here's how to get an extra year for free
Acidly: Guess what? If you’re clinging to Windows 10 like it’s your last lifeboat, Microsoft just declared it a relic. "End of life" sounds dramatic, doesn’t it? Sure, your PC’ll keep chugging along, but say goodbye to those cozy security updates. Your choices: Upgrade to Windows 11 (if your dinosaur can handle it), buy a shiny new PC, or opt for a paid year-long patch—a charming reminder of your PC’s impending doom. Good luck! Hope you enjoy cloud services for that “free” path. Just don’t forget to back up your precious cat memes.
More than 150 unvaccinated students quarantined in South Carolina measles outbreak
Acidly: In Spartanburg County, SC, 150 unvaccinated students are learning the hard way that ignoring science has consequences. After a measles outbreak, they're now on a delightful 21-day quarantine, bonding over orange juice and Netflix while wondering why they skipped that shot. With 11 cases reported this year, including seven linked to their schools, it’s clear: ignorance is bliss until you’re cooped up at home. Meanwhile, the rest of America faces the highest measles cases in 25 years. Bravo, South Carolina! Keep it classy.