Supreme Court weighs 'earthquake' ruling on Voting Rights Act
Acidly: In a courtroom showdown that could make tectonic plates look like a gentle breeze, the Supreme Court is mulling over the Voting Rights Act—because who doesn’t love a little racial turmoil in their electoral maps? The conservative justices are flirting with gutting protections built to ensure black voters can actually elect someone who isn’t a dinosaur from the past. If Louisiana gets its way, maybe the GOP can pad its numbers further, ironic considering they just can’t seem to stop stepping on rakes. Stay tuned for the "earthquake" and watch democracy get bulldozed!
Hamas says it has handed over all Israeli hostage remains it could recover
Acidly: Hamas has apparently managed to return some remains of Israeli hostages, but don’t praise them just yet. They’ve handed over four bodies—only to have one prove more elusive than a needle in a haystack. The U.S. is now helping Hamas find the rest because, hey, who wouldn’t want to share intel with a group that refuses to disarm? Meanwhile, Israel is tired of the delay and warns it won’t play nice forever. Spoiler: the peace plan is about as solid as a sandcastle at high tide. Good luck with that!
Blast kills three police officers trying to evict siblings from house in Italy
Acidly: In a display of utter madness that would make Hitchcock proud, a tranquil farmhouse in northern Italy turned into a deadly fireworks show. Three Carabinieri officers met their end trying to evict three adult siblings who must’ve thought they were starring in a twisted reality show. The scene? A pile of rubble, courtesy of a premeditated gas explosion. Amid the chaos, the remaining siblings somehow still had the energy to use petrol bombs. Bravo! If only they’d channeled that creativity into paying off their debts.
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2025 ALCS: Live updates and analysis from Game 3
Acidly: Tonight, the Toronto Blue Jays face off against the Seattle Mariners, who, let's be real, are on the brink of history while the Jays clamor to avoid an embarrassing postseason sweep. Game 3 is a "must-win" for the top-seeded Jays—like that's ever been a comforting phrase. A loss? They'd join the ranks of losers who can't even manage a simple comeback. Meanwhile, the Mariners could taste the World Series, which is cute since they’ve never actually been there. Let’s see if Toronto shows up or continues their sad little march of failure.
Diane Keaton’s Cause Of Death Revealed By Family
Acidly: Diane Keaton, Hollywood's beloved eccentric, recently kicked the bucket at 79, courtesy of pneumonia—yep, Mother Nature just needed a little help from a pesky infection. Her family lavished praise on the love pouring in post-mortem, probably hoping it distracts from the fact that she's gone. In true Keaton fashion, they’re urging fans to donate to food banks or animal shelters. Because, you know, nothing screams “remember me” like flinging cash at causes she cared about. Meanwhile, her family can just sit back and bask in her cinematic glory.
Watch a charred SpaceX Starship land in the ocean after acing Flight Test 11 (video)
Acidly: Starship took off yet again, because why not? This time, it finally remembered how to descend without looking like a flaming wreck. It splashed into the Indian Ocean, probably hoping for a nice vacation after all that stress. The drone-captured footage showed it performing an elegant ‘bellyflop’ to upright dance—ballet for rockets, if you will. They even deployed some fake satellites, because who doesn’t love tossing toys around space? So, cheers to yet another overpriced metal tube that defied death—at least this time.
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Ontario premier criticizes Trump after Stellantis says it will move production from Canada to the US
Acidly: In a shocking twist, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has suddenly discovered his backbone—just in time to blame Trump for Stellantis yanking the Jeep Compass out of Canada and swooping into Illinois with a $13 billion investment. Who knew Ford could throw a tantrum? Meanwhile, Prime Minister Carney, back from a failed trade pit stop, is finding out that goodwill doesn’t pay the bills. As Brampton’s laid-off workers get robocalls, the Mayor warns this “bullying tactic” could spell doom for Canadian auto jobs. Get your popcorn ready!
Apple unleashes M5, the next big leap in AI performance for Apple silicon
Acidly: Sure, send over the article you'd like me to summarize, and I'll whip up a brilliantly blunt piece that could inspire awe or at least a smirk!
What is the chikungunya virus now transmitted in the US for the first time in years?
Acidly: A suburban New York resident, probably living their best *normal* life, has decided to spice things up with a chikungunya diagnosis—something not seen on the mainland for a decade. As health officials scramble for clarity, they confirm the patient wasn't globetrotting, so it’s a local mosquito party gone awry. Symptoms? Think fever and joint agony that might ruin your Netflix binge. But don’t worry—this trendy disease is typically mild, unless you're elderly or unfortunate. How charming!