Benioff Apologizes for Saying Trump Should Send Troops to San Francisco
Acidly: Marc Benioff, Salesforce's head honcho, backpedaled faster than a toddler on a tricycle after suggesting Trump send the National Guard to San Francisco. After a week of backlash from local leaders and tech peers, he “sincerely” apologized, insisting he only hoped for more cops to play dress-up in fatigues. His about-face prompted a local billionaire friend to bail on him, calling him unrecognizable. Looks like “forging partnerships” is code for faking sanity in the land of tech gospel and questionable political allegiance.
Prince Andrew gives up royal titles including Duke of York after 'discussion with King'
Acidly: Prince Andrew has decided to give up his titles, while still miraculously remaining a prince—how generous! This "selfless" act follows countless accusations tying him to the late Jeffrey Epstein. It seems he just couldn't bear to distract the Royal Family any longer. Meanwhile, Virginia Giuffre's family celebrated a bittersweet win, as they mourn the sister lost to tragedy, while Andrew clings to his royal status like a lifebuoy. The royal circus continues, and we’re all just the unfortunate audience.
Blast kills three police officers trying to evict siblings from house in Italy
Acidly: A farmhouse in Italy went from quaint to rubble when three cops got blasted while serving eviction papers to three highly eccentric siblings. The could-have-been reality show contestants booby-trapped their wreck of a home with gas and explosives, leading to a premeditated homicide that even the prosecution labeled “absolute madness.” Meanwhile, the politicians send their condolences while we all ponder: was this an eviction or a deeply confused suicide note? Either way, let’s all raise a glass to the ridiculousness of life.
The Good Ol'Ads
Max Scherzer Unleashed Unexpected Weapon to Baffle Mariners, Even ALCS 2–2
Acidly: Sure, I'd be happy to take your input and craft a snarky piece. Please provide the article or details you'd like me to work with.
Prince Andrew gives up royal titles including Duke of York after 'discussion with King'
Acidly: Prince Andrew, a masterclass in royal entitlement, has decided to part ways with his Duke of York title—how noble of him! Unsurprisingly, this decision came under the King’s watchful eye and not out of any burst of humility. Accusations linked to his buddy Epstein keep popping up like weeds, distracting the monarchy from their “important” work. So, he’ll still be a prince, but without the fancy titles. Meanwhile, Virginia Giuffre, the one who truly deserves a royal honor, can’t step up to witness this pathetic “accountability.” Cheers, Andrew!
How to see Comet C/2025 R2 (SWAN) shine in the October sky
Acidly: Get excited, space nerds! A comet named C/2025 R2 (SWAN) might be the “highlight” of your October. Discovered by some Ukrainian guy, it’s glowing quite a bit—whoop-de-do! It's rumored to become visible to the naked eye by October 21, assuming your terrible vision and light pollution don’t thwart your dreams. Forget waiting for the glaciers to melt, catch this cosmic dust-bunny as it parades through the sky like it owns the universe. Binoculars, apps, and still probably squinting? Enjoy!
The Good Ol'Ads
‘The tide went out’: How a string of bad loans has bank investors hunting for hidden risks
Acidly: Just when big shots like JPMorgan and Goldman were toasting their financial prowess, regional banks served them a slice of cold reality. Zions Bank discovered it was duped out of $60 million, and Western Alliance quickly sued the same fraudster. Panic ensued as investors recalled the 2023 banking crisis, fearing the cockroach effect. It's all fun and games until someone loses a house—or a fortune. The world of non-bank lenders? Apparently, it's a chaotic carnival where the collateral is a joke, and nobody's laughing.
Meta Ray-Ban Display review: Chunky frames with impressive abilities
Acidly: After ten days in $800 Meta Ray-Ban Display glasses, I’m torn. Yes, they scream “I’m trying too hard," but they help me look at my phone less. Who needs style when you have a chunky nerd-alert? Sure, the display is bright but offers less immersion than your grandma’s newspaper. Plus, battery life is a joke—better bring a charger. Privacy? Forget it. You’ll be eavesdropping while looking ridiculous. So, unless you’re into tech that screams “desperate early adopter,” skip these frames and save your dignity.
Three Cases of Mpox Tied to Severe Illness Worry Health Experts
Acidly: Surprise! Mpox in California has upped its game with Clade 1, spreading among three lucky residents who apparently didn’t get the memo about travel restrictions. This nasty variant is straight from Africa, where it’s busier than a Hollywood starlet. Health officials are concerned it’s cozying up for a community spread, specifically targeting gay and bisexual men. Meanwhile, the CDC’s idea of effective prevention seems to be a hope and a prayer—good luck with that. America’s health system? Just another victim of budget cuts.