‘No Kings’ protests against Trump bring a street party vibe to cities nationwide
Acidly: Thousands of Americans took to the streets this Saturday, ‘cause apparently nothing screams patriotism like whining about a president. They call it the "No Kings" march, but it had all the flair of a bizarre carnival—complete with inflatable frogs and signs declaring, “Nothing is more patriotic than protesting.” Meanwhile, Trump lounged at Mar-a-Lago, dismissing it all as anti-American. Guess he missed the memo: true rebels don’t cower; they just bring the drama. And non-arrests? Just icing on this chaotic cake of un-seriousness.
Israel receives two bodies that Hamas says are Gaza hostages
Acidly: In an absurd twist of fate, Israel received two bodies from Hamas labeled as hostages. Because we all know that corpse delivery is just a casual Tuesday in a warzone. Meanwhile, a border crossing vital for desperate Palestinians remains shut while Netanyahu plays gatekeeper. The US, as usual, softens the blow, claiming there’s no ceasefire breach. But hey, who cares about the dead amidst the rubble? The real tragedy here? The laughter of bureaucrats debating who gets the last laugh.
The Spritzes and Carbonaras That Ate Italy
Acidly: In Palermo’s Via Maqueda, Italian food slaps you in the face like an overzealous waiter—arancine here, cannoli there, and an endless flow of fluorescent Aperol spritz. But wait, the mayor's had enough! No more eateries, claiming the local flavor is drowning in tourist greed. As shops vanish beneath tiramisù bars, the natives grumble, “Is this Italy or Disneyland?” With youth unemployment and empty streets screaming for help, they cling to their last decent fruit vendor, while newcomers snap selfies like it’s an Olympic sport. Welcome to paradise lost!
The Good Ol'Ads
No. 5 Ole Miss vs. No. 9 Georgia: Bulldogs’ rally shakes up SEC race and more takeaways
Acidly: In a thrilling SEC showdown, No. 9 Georgia finally decided to play defense after a game full of touchdowns, handing No. 5 Ole Miss its first loss, because who needs a defense anyway? Georgia trailed until they remembered they had an offense, outscoring Ole Miss 17-0 in the fourth quarter. Coach Kirby Smart celebrated another “culture win” thanks to his team's "hard to kill" attitude, while Ole Miss’s season dreams just got a tad more complicated. Cue the dramatic music, folks; the Playoff race just got spicy.
Limp Bizkit Bassist Sam Rivers Dead at 48
Acidly: Sam Rivers, Limp Bizkit's bassist and so-called "heartbeat,” has kicked the bucket. Because why not? The band's Instagram devoted a heartwarming post to their alleged legend, calling him "pure magic"—a fitting description for a guy whose career peaked with songs like "Hot Dog." Once a Chick-fil-A employee, he transformed into the pulse that played background to chaotic rap-rock anthems. After a liver transplant and a temporary exit, he's now playing for the ultimate audience. Whatever. RIP, magician.
$20 million NASA mission to visit 'God of Chaos' asteroid saved from budget cuts in last-minute decision
Acidly: NASA just scored a $20 million reprieve for the OSIRIS-APEX mission to study the chaos-bringer asteroid Apophis. While it’s nice to know we're not getting wiped out by a celestial body just yet, 18 other missions remain in limbo because, surprise! The government's still shut down. OSIRIS-APEX can snoop around until 2029, but don’t get too comfy—it’s like a bad sequel that might get axed if Congress doesn’t feel like it next year, leaving researchers and junior scientists twiddling their thumbs.
The Good Ol'Ads
Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff apologizes for saying National Guard needed in San Francisco
Acidly: In a thrilling turn of events, Marc Benioff, the Salesforce billionaire, has backtracked faster than a politician at a town hall. After suggesting the National Guard patrol San Francisco—a brave move, or a cry for help?—he's now found comfort in the cozy arms of public opinion. His pro-Trump rants didn’t win him fans; even VC Ron Conway ghosted him. But fear not, folks! After realizing he’s not auditioning for a conservative talk show, he’s decided we’re fine without armed guards. Bravo, Marc! What a hero.
Ally Arrives: Xbox President Sarah Bond Explains New Handhelds Steep Price, Prioritizing ‘Windows Experience’ and Next-Gen Console Plans Heading Into 2026
Acidly: Ah, Xbox has graced the world with the ROG Xbox Ally and Ally X, the handhelds your wallet will curse. At $600 and $1,000, who needs rent, right? Xbox President Sarah Bond assures us that Asus set these groundbreaking prices, likely while sipping a latte. Despite cries of who this gadget is for (casuals or hardcore masochists?), Bond insists it’s a triumph for gamers everywhere. Meanwhile, Xbox is supposedly still working on next-gen consoles. Yes, because gamers need more choices when they’re broke!
“Zombie Deer Disease” Detected Again In Southern State As Authorities Launch Emergency Response Plan
Acidly: Florida is now the proud host of its second encounter with Chronic Wasting Disease (CWD), otherwise known as "zombie deer disease." This charming ailment boasts a 100% death rate among deer. The latest victim? A road-killed doe—because Florida's wildlife is nothing if not tragic. The state claims to have a response plan, yet they’ve only tested a measly 2,500 deer. Experts advise against eating these biohazards—who would want a side of mad cow disease with their venison anyway? Cheers, Florida!