Trump special counsel nominee Paul Ingrassia withdraws after racist texts flap

Acidly: Ingrassia's bid for the Office of Special Counsel got tossed out faster than his “Nazi streak” texts. Turns out, being a wannabe Nazi sympathizer doesn’t sit well—even with Trump’s GOP majority. “I lack Republican votes,” he whined on X, as if anyone believed he ever had a shot. The world eagerly watched him try to dodge a flaming dumpster fire as he called for eviscerating Black holidays. Meanwhile, he remains a liaison for the Department of Homeland Security. Isn’t America grand?

Paris Tour Guide Saw Stolen Louvre Jewels Just Before Heist

Acidly: Anya Firestone, a private tour guide in Paris, was living her best *détective-core* life until thieves stole crown jewels from the Louvre. A day after her mundane museum visit, she learned the 88 million euro heist would likely ruin her meticulously crafted itineraries. With her rhinestone Dior mules and a warm drink in hand, she mused on how the theft might just boost the gallery's foot traffic—after all, when the Mona Lisa was snatched, crowds flocked to see her empty space. C’est la vie!

The Spritzes and Carbonaras That Ate Italy

Acidly: Welcome to Palermo, where arancine and Aperol spritzes overflow like the tourists themselves. With 31 restaurants per street, the mayor finally declared, "Enough!" Banning new eateries wasn't just a random whim; it’s an act of mercy for locals drowning in a sea of cannoli and carbonara selfies. Yet, while Italy's tourist-driven economy flourishes, locals suffocate beneath the weight of it all. It’s like witnessing Pompeii’s final feast before the eruption, but here, the lava is just overpriced tiramisù. Buon appetito!

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Jelly Roll Shows Off Epic 200lbs Weight Loss After Landing In Sydney

Acidly: Jelly Roll, the poster child for weight loss in a hoodie, has shed a staggering 200 pounds. Now strutting through Sydney, he’s practically a new man with a new "rock star" vibe (cue the eye rolls). Once tipping the scales at 540, he now flaunts a svelte 357, because apparently, losing weight makes you happier. Who knew? After years of soul-searching and sweat, he's finally ready for a 5K. Well, who wouldn’t be cheerful after dropping that kind of baggage? Here’s your inspiration compressed into a black hoodie—well done, champ.

Orionid meteor shower: What to know and how to watch

Acidly: Ah, the Orionid meteor shower is back, "one of the most beautiful shows of the year," says NASA, as if we needed them to validate the glittering garbage falling from space. This year, peak performance is expected between Oct. 21 and 23—because nothing says "romantic night" like lying on a cold ground, staring up at fast-moving dust. If you're lucky, you might even catch a glimpse of the meteors' bright demise. So grab your blanket, or don’t, and enjoy the night because sleep is overrated!

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Netflix shares drop after streamer misses earnings estimates, citing Brazilian tax dispute

Acidly: Netflix's stock nosedived 7% after it flubbed earnings, apparently thanks to a Brazilian tax spat. CFO Spence Neumann insists this mess affects everyone, not just their beloved streaming empire. Sure, revenue grew 17%, but let’s face it—the Q3 earnings of $5.87 per share didn’t exactly blow analysts away. Meanwhile, the company is riding high on "KPop Demon Hunters" and toy partnerships, as if a plush doll can save their flagging image. Get ready for a spooky return to theaters—because that’s what they call innovation now.

OpenAI’s AI-powered browser, ChatGPT Atlas, is here

Acidly: In a stunning display of corporate synergy, employees have dubbed ChatGPT the “beating heart of Atlas,” proving that buzzwords are still alive and kicking. Who knew a glorified chatbot could pump literal life into an entire enterprise? As it churns out mediocre content faster than a caffeinated intern, it’s clear: the future is not only automated but utterly devoid of soul. Bravo, Atlas! You’ve managed to turn human creativity into a lifeless algorithm. What a time to be alive!

Revolutionary Prosthetic Eye Chip Restores Sight in Medical First

Acidly: In a dazzling twist, a tiny chip called PRIMA is bringing central vision back to some elderly folks battling age-related macular degeneration. Imagine this: 26 out of 32 patients, who previously couldn’t read a restaurant menu, can now squint at books again. Sure, they look like cyborgs with glasses and a pocket processor, but who cares about aesthetics when you can finally see letters? Of course, 19 patients had complications – because, who doesn’t love a little icing on the cake of medical miracles? Welcome to the future, humans!