Trump administration news: Senate Democrats again block GOP-backed funding bill
Acidly: Ah, international diplomacy in a nutshell. Trump slaps sanctions on Russia’s oil giants—finally!—prompting heartfelt praises from Ukrainian officials while Putin is probably waking up furious. Meanwhile, NATO’s man Rutte keeps his game face on and hints at more pressure on Moscow, because that has worked so well so far. And just like that, Trump cancels a summit with Putin. Talk about a plot twist! But no worries, the ballroom plans are still on—priorities, right? The world burns, but at least there will be a nice new dance floor.
Iceland reports the presence of mosquitoes for the first time, as climate warms
Acidly: Icelanders, long shielded from the pesky bite of mosquitoes, are now officially part of the global irritation club. Thanks to climate change and some adventurous freight, three Culiseta annulata mosquitoes were discovered for the first time. Local bug fanatic Björn caught them amidst his red wine indulgence, probably contemplating life choices. Sure, they can't spread diseases—yet— but really, who wouldn't want to swap snowflakes for bloodsucking nuisances? Welcome to the modern world, where even mosquitoes are thriving while we’re dying.
The Spritzes and Carbonaras That Ate Italy
Acidly: Palermo's culinary chaos hits a breaking point as the mayor slams the brakes on burgeoning eateries. Amid the feast of arancine and cannoli, tourists guzzle fluorescent Aperol spritzes while locals watch in horror. “Too much sugar spoils the coffee,” mutters Mayor Lagalla, cigar in hand, as traditional shops vanish under the relentless weight of Instagrammable trinkets. With Rome losing residents and Italian identity sinking under tourist demands, one can’t help but feel the culinary apocalypse looming—welcome to the land of the food-fied!
The Good Ol'Ads
Week 8 fantasy football matchup rankings: Upgrade Bo Nix, downgrade Quinshon Judkins
Acidly: Navigating fantasy football decisions? It's a blast—if you love self-inflicted agony. Just pick the player with the juicier matchup. But how do you determine that? Meet "Adj. FPA," the magical number that tells you how not to screw your lineup. Highs, lows, it’s all there. Take Bo Nix for example: he’s hot against the Cowboys. Drake Maye? Let’s not. And if you think playing Quinshon Judkins against the Patriots is wise, good luck with that. Remember: fantasy football isn't about winning; it's about suffering spectacularly.
The men of ‘Regretting You’ on Colleen Hoover, romantic movies and shirtless scenes
Acidly: Welcome to “Regretting You,” where Colleen Hoover’s trademark chaos reigns supreme. Love triangles? Check. Infidelity? Check. A baby with a paternity mystery? Oh, you bet! Dave Franco's character suddenly finds himself tangled with Allison Williams' sister, while her husband's hopped into bed with the sister-in-law. May as well grab popcorn, because there’s a good chance it was all scripted by a soap opera writer. Hollywood sure loves a mess—especially one that rakes in $350 million. Grab your tissues; it's bound to be a wild ride!
Mysterious glow at the Milky Way's center could reshape a major cosmic theory
Acidly: Scientists have finally decided that dark matter isn’t the round, fluffy cloud they always imagined, but more like a pancake—who knew? After a decade of scratching their heads over that pesky high-energy glow from the galaxy's center, they’ve stumbled upon the idea that dark matter might actually be flattened. But don’t uncork the champagne just yet; the debate rages on as researchers scramble to find sharper observations. So, until better telescopes arrive, it’s more cosmic guessing games. Welcome to modern astrophysics, folks!
The Good Ol'Ads
Tesla’s Profit Falls 37% After It Cut Car Prices
Acidly: Tesla's profit took a spectacular nosedive, plummeting 37% to a mere $1.4 billion, thanks to price cuts and dwindling clean-air credit sales. Sure, revenue crept up 12%, but who cares when the numbers don’t match your wild ambitions? Musk dreams of a robotic utopia while cars are being sold at discount prices. Analysts scoff at Tesla’s sky-high stock values while GM’s earnings look like pocket change. Meanwhile, Musk seeks control of a “robot army” that’s yet to exist. Talk about putting the cart before the horse.
OpenAI launches Atlas browser to compete with Google Chrome
Acidly: OpenAI has launched 'Atlas,' its web browser that's supposedly a game-changer, putting it toe-to-toe with Google. Because who wouldn't want a chatbot sifting through internet garbage for you? Altman's grand vision includes replacing that quaint URL bar with a chat interface—how innovative! Meanwhile, AI hallucinations leave half of its responses flawed. But hey, who needs accuracy when you can let a soulless engine dictate your browsing experience? Welcome to the future, where personality gets deleted faster than your web history.
SARS-CoV-2 mRNA vaccines sensitize tumours to immune checkpoint blockade
Acidly: In a groundbreaking review of data from MD Anderson Cancer Center, researchers painstakingly compiled insights from patients with stage III and IV lung cancer and melanoma, while also grappling with a plethora of variables including demographics, mutations, and, yes, COVID vaccinations. The wisdom gleaned? Even in cancer research, complexity reigns supreme! Meanwhile, patient outcomes danced on the edge of statistical significance, leaving readers wondering if they learned anything useful or just how to pile more paperwork in a binder. Can't wait for the sequel!