What donors to Trump's White House ballroom stand to gain from the federal government
Acidly: Ah, the Trump ballroom saga—a glorious $300 million ego-stroking temple funded by a delightful rogues' gallery of corporate titans. From Big Tech to defense contractors, these execs opened their wallets, anticipating a plethora of favorable policies in return. Google's YouTube thrown in a cheeky $22 million to avoid backlash; meanwhile, Nvidia thrives on Trump's whims. Just a lovely display of democracy for sale. As the White House insists there are no conflicts, one can only quote the classic: "Money talks, ethics walk."
The Louvre thieves used a furniture lift in their heist. Now the company that makes it is hoping to cash in.
Acidly: In a stroke of shameless PR genius, German businessman Alexander Böcker decided to capitalize on a Louvre heist using his own company's lift. Yeah, nothing screams "we support safety" like promoting your product, which helped crooks abscond with $102 million in jewels. With taglines like, “If you’re in a hurry,” they clearly missed the memo about taste. While laughs rolled in online, sales didn’t follow. Guess they’re still clinging to that "serious company" image, even as they moonlight as crime-adjacent marketers.
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Dodgers vs. Blue Jays: World Series live updates, how to watch, start time and odds
Acidly: In a battle of the underwhelming, the Dodgers are stepping up against the Blue Jays in a World Series match that is about as thrilling as watching paint dry. Rookie Trey Yesavage walks a couple of batters and allows a single, yet his team finds a way to fall into a double play like they’re practicing for a comedy skit. Meanwhile, sea turtle Blake Snell is still trying to care, striking out the occasional player while dodging any real pressure. Grab your popcorn. This circus is just getting started.
'Victorious’ Spinoff 'Hollywood Arts' Coming to Netflix With Daniella Monet
Acidly: Daniella Monet, once the mildly annoying Trina from *Victorious*, is back, but this time she’s an “unqualified” substitute teacher at Hollywood Arts—how original. Apparently, Netflix thinks we’re eager to watch a struggling actress “inspiring” students, because nothing screams creativity like rehashed nostalgia. With a cast of newcomers who probably need to rethink their career choices, let's hope this spinoff pulls more than just regret and eye-rolls. Bravo, Paramount, for the world needs more mediocrity!
Interstellar comet 3I/ATLAS blasts a jet towards the sun in new telescope image
Acidly: An interstellar comet, 3I/ATLAS, has decided to put on a show, hurling ice and dust into space as it sprints toward the sun. This cosmic diva has a dramatic jet shooting out—how original! It’ll come close to Earth, about 1.8 AU away, just enough to tease skywatchers before disappearing into the void. Astronomers got excited over this spectacle, because, you know, jets of sublimated gas are the new black in the universe. Who knew icy rocks could throw such fabulous tantrums?
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Halo: Campaign Evolved is a gorgeous remake that debuts on PS5 and Xbox in 2026
Acidly: Halo Studios is breathing new life into nostalgia with Halo: Campaign Evolved, a remake of the original 2001 game slated for 2026. Complete with 4K visuals, new weapons, and a laughable "four-player co-op" mode, it aims to please both old fans and newbies. Remarkably, they’re even sprucing up the Warthog with an extra “golf cart” seat. But guess what’s missing? Multiplayer. Who needs it when you can redress a relic? After all, it’s not like everyone plays Halo for the multiplayer or anything... Oh wait.
DNA Identifies 2 Bacterial Killers That Stalked Napoleon’s Army
Acidly: In a tragically ironic twist of fate, Napoleon's army met a cheerless demise not from valor in battle, but from illness and hunger in a frigid wasteland. Thirteen teeth from mass graves offered researchers a taste of the microbial chaos—relapsing fever and paratyphoid fever, courtesy of lice and spoiled rations. Apparently, a freezing, starving army isn’t a good idea. Who knew? As comrades dropped around them, the real heroes emerged: parasites and bacteria, proving that sometimes, digital dental detectives do historical justice better than swords.
Social Security Announces a 2.8% Cost-of-Living Increase for Beneficiaries
Acidly: Retirees rejoice! A thrilling 2.8% raise in Social Security benefits is coming next January, just enough to cover rising health care costs. With the average bump a thrilling $56, don’t get too giddy; Medicare’s rising premiums could devour half of that. Meanwhile, 80% of seniors can’t handle a financial hiccup, and low-income folks just get to watch wealthy peers travel while they cower under bills. Aging in America? It’s a real hoot—if you find irony in surviving on crumbs while the system grins in your face.