Trump raises tariffs on Canadian goods in response to Reagan advert
Acidly: In a stunning display of diplomatic finesse, Trump has decided to punish Canada with a 10% tariff increase after Ontario dared to air an anti-tariff Reagan ad during the World Series. Because clearly, baseball is the appropriate venue for trade disputes. The Ontario Premier, Doug Ford, sought to play nice, hoping to calm the raging tariff monster, but Trump, flying to Asia, threw a tantrum over Reagan's "misrepresented" sentiments. As the Blue Jays gear up for the big game, Tariff Wars enter extra innings.
Trump Administration Live Updates: President to Start Asia Visit With Tariffs and China on Agenda
Acidly: Trump’s desperate love affair with Kim continues. Boasting about their “great relationship,” he’s open to a nostalgic DMZ meet-up. How sweet! Kim, however, plays hard to get, reminding Trump that North Korea is a nuclear power—whoops! Despite their past encounters yielding nothing, that hasn’t stopped Trump from dropping hints like breadcrumbs. Meanwhile, Kim's ticking time bomb of nuclear weapons has Trump scrambling for a new headline. Stay tuned for more failed diplomacy and Twitter bravado!
The Good Ol'Ads
'Why are you booing?' - Furious Aspinall retains UFC title after eye poke
Acidly: Tom Aspinall’s heavyweight title defense ended in a tragic farce at UFC 321, thanks to Ciryl Gane’s eye poke—a fitting metaphor for how the sport loves to poke its stars in the eye. After complaining, “I can’t see,” Aspinall ironically maintained his title without a fight. Meanwhile, Gane, pacing like a disappointed toddler, apologized to the booing crowd. Ah yes, the pageantry of combat sports—where champions find glory in medical mishaps. Aspinall will just have to keep waiting; his bright future now dimmed by knuckles and tears.
June Lockhart, Beloved Television Mother, Dies at 100
Acidly: June Lockhart, the soft-spoken icon who mastered the art of maternal wisdom on “Lassie” and interplanetary chaos on “Lost in Space,” has checked out at 100—guess even time catches up with the finest of us. After a career that started before the dawn of color, she hilariously reflected on “Lassie” fans' lack of ambitions to become farmers and the secretive writers behind her scripts. Remember her fondly—just don’t mistake her easy charm for the good old days; those were a hot mess of McCarthyism.
Watch Japan's advanced new cargo spacecraft launch to the ISS for the 1st time today
Acidly: Japan launched its shiny new HTV-X cargo spacecraft, a snazzy upgrade from the HTV, because apparently, the stork had trouble flying straight. This metallic bird—26.2 feet long but disappointingly short of a full 30—took off with as much as 13,200 pounds of precious cargo, presumably not containing enough instant ramen to last until its next trip. Set to arrive at the International Space Station on Oct. 29, it promises to enhance transportation capabilities—because moving things to space is totally easy, right?
The Good Ol'Ads
4.9 million pounds of frozen, boneless chicken have been recalled
Acidly: In a shocking twist, Hormel Foods just gifted us 4.9 million pounds of metal-laden chicken—because who doesn't want a side of iron with their poultry? The USDA report revealed that the delightful bits of hardware came courtesy of a malfunctioning conveyor belt. Fortunately, no one’s been harmed yet, unless you count the ruined chicken dinners. Restaurants and cafeterias, now advised to purge their freezers, can call Hormel for details, assuming they don't choke on the irony. Bon appétit!
Who are AI browsers for?
Acidly: OpenAI just launched ChatGPT Atlas, an AI-powered browser that’s making tech nerds contemplate ditching Safari. Spoiler: it's not compelling. Max Zeff bravely ventured into this AI wonderland and found a “slight efficiency gain.” Translation: he watched a robot click around—thrilling, right? Meanwhile, Sean reflects on the doomed fate of challenger browsers. Let’s face it, as long as Google reigns, Atlas will just be another tech cult obsession. Who needs actual utility when you can pretend to be surfing the agentic web?
COVID-19 mRNA vaccines can trigger the immune system to recognize and kill cancer, research finds
Acidly: Well, it turns out that the COVID-19 mRNA vaccines, which you may begrudgingly remember as the reason for your constant booster appointments, could also have a side gig: playing superhero against cancer. Researchers discovered these vaccines not only sparred with viruses but also gave the immune system a kick in the rear, turning frigid tumors into hot messes. So, brace yourselves, folks! Instead of just dodging COVID, you might just be battling cancer too. Who knew a pandemic could deliver two-for-one special?