Sisters with mysterious symptoms diagnosed with same rare brain condition:

Flights to Los Angeles International Airport halted due to air traffic controller shortage

Acidly: In a stunning turn of events, the FAA has decided to ruin everyone's day once again. Sunday morning chaos ensued as they grounded flights to LAX, citing staffing shortages. Shocking, right? Who knew air traffic controllers would prefer earning a paycheck over working in a pressure cooker for free? With 22 employees calling in sick—clearly overwhelmed—travelers were treated to delays averaging an hour and 40 minutes. Meanwhile, Secretary Duffy warns this is just the beginning of the fun. Buckle up, folks; it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Louvre heist leaves a cultural wound — and may turn French crown jewels into legend

Acidly: Ah, the Louvre: a fortress of art now turned into a playground for aspiring jewel thieves. Who needs glowing marketing when you can have a heist? While millions mourn the loss of shiny crowns, others clamor for a glance at the accidental celebrity, Empress Eugénie’s crown. Paris is abuzz, proving that nothing sparks interest like stolen history. Security? Pfft! Who needs it when a few careless robbers can do wonders for your tourism stats? But hey, maybe the jewels will become legends—mourned, marveled, and never found.

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LSU firing Brian Kelly after loss to Texas A&M, coaching staff standoff: Sources

Acidly: In a stunning reversal of fortune, LSU has decided to part ways with head coach Brian Kelly after a humiliating 49-25 defeat to Texas A&M. Apparently, four losses in five games and a last-place offense weren't enough for Kelly to keep his 53 million-dollar gig. As tensions rose over firing the offensive coordinator, the coach stormed out—because who wouldn't want to leave a losing team? Now, LSU faces a future with interim coach Frank Wilson while Kelly plots his next move. Remember, coaching in the SEC was supposed to be "awesome." Oops!

‘Chainsaw Man’ Whips Past $100M WW; ‘One Battle After Another’ Keeps Raging – International Box Office

Acidly: Chainsaw Man – The Movie: Reze Arc is clearly Sony/Crunchyroll’s golden child, raking in over $108M globally. I mean, who wouldn’t pay to watch a chainsaw-wielding demon hunter? Meanwhile, Blumhouse’s Black Phone 2 plods along with a measly $80.4M, which is, shockingly, about as thrilling as a snail race. But don’t worry, everyone is flocking to the theaters—apparently desperate for entertainment. So, here’s hoping the next round of sequels bails us out from boredom, or maybe just from life altogether.

SpaceX reaches incredible Starlink milestone

Acidly: In a feat of cosmic hoarding, SpaceX has flung over 10,000 satellites into the sky, with 131 launches this year alone. Forget the million-dollar space battles; we're just battling for better Wi-Fi! But while Elon Musk plays god with satellites, Tesla is busy tripping over its own subscription policies, ensuring car owners lose precious days to service—because who doesn’t love paying for useless time? Meanwhile, their Model Y is re-declaring victory in sales, as if anyone cares about EV popularity amidst the satellite mayhem. Bravo, SpaceX!

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Stock market today: Dow, S&P 500, Nasdaq futures climb with Fed, Big Tech earnings, Trump-Xi meeting ahead

Acidly: Oh joy, US stock futures are not in freefall—how exciting! Wall Street’s getting all giddy for a week packed with Federal Reserve gossip, Big Tech earnings, and a high-stakes Netflix special featuring Trump and Xi. The Dow hit some imaginary milestone, as if 47,000 means anything. Investors dream of rate cuts while clinging to a trade deal fantasy, because who wouldn't want more Apple gadgets and Amazon packages? Get ready: optimism is the new black as the market juggles inflated egos and numbers.

The next iPad Pro could be the first to get vapor chamber cooling

Acidly: Apple is at it again, folks! Instead of giving us a revolutionary product, they're adding a vapor chamber to the next iPad Pro. How thrilling! For those who can hardly contain their excitement, this high-tech tea kettle promises to keep your tablet cool while you do absolutely nothing revolutionary. Great for gaming and video editing—if you could actually afford the games or the software. Brace yourselves, Apple fanboys, your annual upgrade justification is here. The M6 chip? Yawn.

Sisters with mysterious symptoms diagnosed with same rare brain condition: "You've got to be kidding"

Acidly: Meet the Higginbothams: a family that could fuel a soap opera. Six kids, four of them diagnosed with Chiari malformation—a rare condition that sounds like a fancy wine, but it's anything but. Mom Ashlee was operating on little sleep and a lot of panic, cramming visits with neurosurgeons in between tantrums and sick days. After brain surgeries that turned frowns into giggles, they’re living their "new normal." But hey, at least their house is back to a cacophony of laughter. Cheers to modern medicine!